A new free channel is coming to Nintendo's little white waggle box that aims to enrich your life by giving out free relationship advice ... seriously! It will also read your fortune and tell you what you should be eating, basically turning the Wii into that page at the back of a tabloid newspaper that menopausal women love reading at part-time call center job.
The Wii's "Today & Tomorrow" channel will cater to all your Horoscope needs and love life anxiety, scheduled to hit Europe on September 9. When people ask me why the Wii makes me bury my head in my hands and sigh really loudly, I now have the perfect thing to show them.
"Your friends and family can join in the fun, as up to six people can take part by registering their Mii character and date of birth," explains Nintendo. "You will all then receive a detailed daily fortune in five categories: love, work, study, communications and money. The next day's fortune is displayed every evening, so you can check ahead of time before a big day.
"As well as providing your fortune, the Today & Tomorrow Channel can also give you lifestyle tips, including activities that can improve your daily life and suggestions about what to eat, all based on your horoscope. You can even check the compatibility of different Mii characters for the day. Use this feature to see how you will get along with your friends and family -- could be useful if you are planning a long car journey!"
For f*ck's sake.
Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize.
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Contest:
3:00 PM on 09.08.2009
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I'm sorry for using the word, but it's the only thing that felt right to say.
Its not a relationship device, its a Daily Horoscope. But, whatever gets readers to read your posts jim.
understand
stupidity
of
nintendo
And yet still mine sits alongside my other consoles as I baselessly remain optimistic that someday my purchase will be validated.
So Jim will you start calling the 360 "Microsoft's big white wiggle box" when Natal comes out? Just wondering!
Consequently that guy never gets laid.
It makes no difference to me if they add useless features, so I don't see why one would facepalm because some more features were added to the wii, even if they do go unused.
sorry... I mean, they think about both casual and stupid audience.
Also, needs more Picard.
Did they ever actually intend on the Wii being a games console?
Because they could be making something GOOD and useful for the damned thing.
Like a good game or a Give Xzyliac His Money Back Foundation.
LOL@free touch. Dude, you could call it 'Satan's daily how-to advice for scoring chicks and free crack' and it would still suck just as hard.
Hiya toots - that crotch knarl of yers looks like the gristle off a 2 dollar steak. A beaver couldn't chew that with Gary Busey's teeth. Take all your birth control in one gulp for an easy breezy morning after pill.
You are making no sense. did you read the post? Jim couldn;t think of anything clever, so he did what any tabloid writer does, and he Sun'd up a tag line.
It seems like most of you didn't even read the post, or you would be agreeing with me.
Its not a relationship advice machine its A FUCKING GODDAMN HOROSCOPE APP. From the responses of most of you, I can tell you have never read a horoscope, but they offer advice about health wealth and relationships. They all do.
While most people get theirs from a magazine or the newspaper, maybe nintendo wants to give moms and grandmas another reason to turn on their wii they got 2 chrismas's ago, one or two more times.
It's not rocket science, its just strategy.
I fail to see how trying to write a post to appeal to my readers is "not thinking of a anything clever" and somehow bad and wrong.
I wasn't supposed to be.
There. I just saved you five minuets.
No? You can't? Why not? Oh, that's right you cater to morons now. I remember.
Although I wish they would put more work into the Nintendo Channel.
I really liked that,and add some demos of good DS games ): (SF3,Attorney,and Trauma Center were the only things I liked.)
Enjoy your success Nintendo Wii, now go fuck off and die for all I care. I'll be playing Scribblenauts on the system that makes me feel like a valued consumer.
For fuck's sake.
That is all.
I see....something...a man...in a 3 piece suit. He's smiling and taking all Nintendo's money away in....he's saying something....
"Wii would like to sue"
Also, if you click through to the press release it clearly says 'relationship tips'. Now I often think Jim is full of crap, but there is no reason to pick on his headline for this post.
No matter what the headline, this is a lame, pathetic piece of content that I am ashamed is on a Nintendo console. Period.
Maybe I'm just getting old and my rage button in waring away.
I just wanted to say that Picard and Riker pic is THE BEST facepalm pic out there. I lol everytime I see it.
Oh Nintendo, you really have raised the bar when it comes to WHORING yourself haven't you?
To some girls(and guys, to a lesser extent) this kind of thing is useful and important. It allows them to put things in perspective and put their fears aside for having the support of a greater force that, in reality, will be a Nintendo employee writing upbeat advices. People forget that the Wii has pushed hardware to, like, 50 million or something houses and many of them have grown insecure women, young girls, heck, even boys that would would find it soothing. While it could be argued that the casuals are to de bespised for they lower the bar in gaming, there's no denying that a significant part of homes aren't broken and the core gamers that made it through the hardest NES games have, now, families with whom they'd like to share their interests.
But, then again, I still find it very stupid. Just not as much as the over-the-top hate reactions, instead of a single "Why didn't we get a ______ channel instead?" I honestly don't give a flying fuck to channels. I want games. And being a huge fan of Nintendo, I dislike finding myself resorting to his PS3 to cater to my gaming needs. However, there is Muramasa. GOtta play it soon.
"I'am sure Some where for Someone its useful, you guys sulking to much! Where is your optimism?"
We're talking horoscopes here. They are of no use to anyone.
Or how about this. Allow third parties to make channels and turn it into an app store.
Hilarious to a point, but once you're reminded of it in real life, fucking creepy.
REALLY fucking creepy.
IGNORE IT.
No one is making you download this.