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New Wii Channel dishes out relationship advice photo

A new free channel is coming to Nintendo's little white waggle box that aims to enrich your life by giving out free relationship advice ... seriously! It will also read your fortune and tell you what you should be eating, basically turning the Wii into that page at the back of a tabloid newspaper that menopausal women love reading at part-time call center job.

The Wii's "Today & Tomorrow" channel will cater to all your Horoscope needs and love life anxiety, scheduled to hit Europe on September 9. When people ask me why the Wii makes me bury my head in my hands and sigh really loudly, I now have the perfect thing to show them. 

"Your friends and family can join in the fun, as up to six people can take part by registering their Mii character and date of birth," explains Nintendo. "You will all then receive a detailed daily fortune in five categories: love, work, study, communications and money. The next day's fortune is displayed every evening, so you can check ahead of time before a big day.

"As well as providing your fortune, the Today & Tomorrow Channel can also give you lifestyle tips, including activities that can improve your daily life and suggestions about what to eat, all based on your horoscope. You can even check the compatibility of different Mii characters for the day. Use this feature to see how you will get along with your friends and family -- could be useful if you are planning a long car journey!"

For f*ck's sake.


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55 comments | showing # 1 to 50

shinryu108's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:25
shinryu108
how...in-depth is this relationship advice? does it support the wiimote? *wink*
Everyday Legend's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:26
Everyday Legend
Not even trying to come off as a homophobe here, but this is really gay.

I'm sorry for using the word, but it's the only thing that felt right to say.
free touch's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:27
free touch
Poor title for a post.

Its not a relationship device, its a Daily Horoscope. But, whatever gets readers to read your posts jim.
matrixdude171's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:28
matrixdude171
can't
understand
stupidity
of
nintendo
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:32
Xzyliac
God dammit why is this thing so useless!? WHY!?!

And yet still mine sits alongside my other consoles as I baselessly remain optimistic that someday my purchase will be validated.
X-angwin8r's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:33
X-angwin8r
No. Just... no.
super2j's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:37
super2j
Oh man sweet. I can't wait. Why are you guys reacting this way. Can't you see what nintendo is doing? They are trying to get the stereotypical gamer out of his basement and into the dating game. THAT way they can reproduce creating another videogame friendly family. Nintendo is MAKING babies and therefore customers. And why am i excited? Cause now ninetendo will be that cool older guy that guys go to for advice when having lady troubles.
PEICanada7's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:37
PEICanada7
"Nintendo's little white waggle box"

So Jim will you start calling the 360 "Microsoft's big white wiggle box" when Natal comes out? Just wondering!
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:39
Xzyliac
@super2j
Consequently that guy never gets laid.
Hcapt's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:41
Hcapt
Should I be upset or critical?

It makes no difference to me if they add useless features, so I don't see why one would facepalm because some more features were added to the wii, even if they do go unused.
Strandli's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:44
Strandli
At least Nintendo think of both the casual and the hardcor-...
sorry... I mean, they think about both casual and stupid audience.
Quantum Zombie's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:45
Quantum Zombie
Heh, my NeoGeo Pocket already does horoscopes.

Also, needs more Picard.
Jon B's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:47
Jon B
And I have no words to express how I feel about this.

Did they ever actually intend on the Wii being a games console?
Xzyliac's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:51
Xzyliac
@Hcapt
Because they could be making something GOOD and useful for the damned thing.

Like a good game or a Give Xzyliac His Money Back Foundation.
Your Moms Hot Lover's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:52
Your Moms Hot Lover
Now come on, the Wii is not useless. You can play gamecube games on it.

LOL@free touch. Dude, you could call it 'Satan's daily how-to advice for scoring chicks and free crack' and it would still suck just as hard.
readbigwordsisgood's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 09:58
readbigwordsisgood
Advise like?

Hiya toots - that crotch knarl of yers looks like the gristle off a 2 dollar steak. A beaver couldn't chew that with Gary Busey's teeth. Take all your birth control in one gulp for an easy breezy morning after pill.
zombiekiller13's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 10:11
zombiekiller13
Things were looking up; we got the Metroid Trilogy, Muramasa just came out, they made the Internet Channel free (which I played with for a few minutes and then returned to using my computer for Internet browsing)...and then they give us this. Whee.
free touch's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 11:25
free touch
@ Your Moms Hot Lover

You are making no sense. did you read the post? Jim couldn;t think of anything clever, so he did what any tabloid writer does, and he Sun'd up a tag line.

It seems like most of you didn't even read the post, or you would be agreeing with me.

Its not a relationship advice machine its A FUCKING GODDAMN HOROSCOPE APP. From the responses of most of you, I can tell you have never read a horoscope, but they offer advice about health wealth and relationships. They all do.

While most people get theirs from a magazine or the newspaper, maybe nintendo wants to give moms and grandmas another reason to turn on their wii they got 2 chrismas's ago, one or two more times.

It's not rocket science, its just strategy.
Super Drybones's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:03
Super Drybones
That's it I have to kill myself. Because That happened. It's all over, because that happened. Good bye because That happened.
Kraid's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:03
Kraid
Jim I love you for using this image.
Mirax's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:04
Mirax
What?!
megaStryke's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:08
megaStryke
The hell? Wasn't this posted up earlier this morning?
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:10
Jim Sterling
I don't know what I did that's so evil here. The channel WILL give you relationship advice. Hell, relationship advice makes it sound *more* useful than fortune-telling, which is one of the biggest crocks of shit in the world.

I fail to see how trying to write a post to appeal to my readers is "not thinking of a anything clever" and somehow bad and wrong.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:11
Jim Sterling
megaStryke's:

I wasn't supposed to be.
ShadowKirby's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:13
ShadowKirby
You all feel this is stupid because you are gamers but damn son, marketing genius. Wii to become the modern day woman all in one center.
wanderingpixel's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:14
wanderingpixel
Stop playing the Wii and go meet people.

There. I just saved you five minuets.
Super Drybones's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:20
Super Drybones
Next nintendo channel, the Soap Opera watching Channel
TheLegendaryMan's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:21
TheLegendaryMan
Why didnt you sue the image that shows them both facepalming.
ejamer's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:27
ejamer
Now the funny part: wait and watch for Sony/MS to release a similar "feature" in 6-8 months.
Tralfmadoria's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:28
Tralfmadoria
Oh, dear Nintendo. After I'm done playing the Wii's solid lineup of games this fall and winter which include Muramasa: the Demon Blade, Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, Fragile: Farewell Ruins of the Moon, and No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle, can I trust you to take care of my hardcore gaming needs?

No? You can't? Why not? Oh, that's right you cater to morons now. I remember.
Axonn's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:30
Axonn
Free is nice?
Although I wish they would put more work into the Nintendo Channel.
I really liked that,and add some demos of good DS games ): (SF3,Attorney,and Trauma Center were the only things I liked.)
ace of knaves's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:37
ace of knaves
Oh, would you look at that? We've reached the Mainstream Bullshitification Event Horizon. The arbitrary point where I can no longer abide Nintendo's pandering to people that aren't me. Exercise machine? Fine. Three-year-old's first attempt at music? Go right the fuck ahead. But when these idiots are joyously announcing a pipeline for the insipid drivel you find in a bookstore's "New Age" section I have to draw the fucking line.

Enjoy your success Nintendo Wii, now go fuck off and die for all I care. I'll be playing Scribblenauts on the system that makes me feel like a valued consumer.
Sentry's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:40
Sentry
I'd really like to try to play devil's advocate to some degree, but really..

For fuck's sake.
Xhumation's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:41
Xhumation
Okay I have one question about this: Why?

That is all.
Br0th3rGr1mm's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:42
Br0th3rGr1mm
I wonder if their Lawyers have had a chance to review this "channel"?

I see....something...a man...in a 3 piece suit. He's smiling and taking all Nintendo's money away in....he's saying something....

"Wii would like to sue"
SoraX911's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:44
SoraX911
I'am sure Some where for Someone its useful, you guys sulking to much! Where is your optimism? Nothing is perfect for all the systems(aka AvatarsXbox,price for ps3,tho thats changing!:D) Quit your bitching! >:D
Your Moms Hot Lover's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:48
Your Moms Hot Lover
@free touch. Actually the sun is incredibly well written. It's harder to write simple catchy stuff that sticks in stupid people's brains than it is to write eloquent flowing prose. I know because people hire me at $100 an hour to write short, effective copy.

Also, if you click through to the press release it clearly says 'relationship tips'. Now I often think Jim is full of crap, but there is no reason to pick on his headline for this post.

No matter what the headline, this is a lame, pathetic piece of content that I am ashamed is on a Nintendo console. Period.
DamnYouKrycek's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 15:55
DamnYouKrycek
I really don't see how news like this can evoke anything more than complete and utter ambivalence in people.

Maybe I'm just getting old and my rage button in waring away.
Nerdy Suit's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 16:09
Nerdy Suit
I don't really have a comment on the article.

I just wanted to say that Picard and Riker pic is THE BEST facepalm pic out there. I lol everytime I see it.
sweetchuck's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 16:25
sweetchuck
They can't give me a proper media channel, but they'll give me this crap? Really?!
EdgyDude's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 16:39
EdgyDude
*laughs hysterically*

Oh Nintendo, you really have raised the bar when it comes to WHORING yourself haven't you?
Springsteen's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 17:06
Springsteen
I agree it's stupid and sad that someone, somewhere, will grow reliant on this, but come on, some people are reacting like Nintendo's forcing the player to shove the wiimote in their eye sockets to play or something.

To some girls(and guys, to a lesser extent) this kind of thing is useful and important. It allows them to put things in perspective and put their fears aside for having the support of a greater force that, in reality, will be a Nintendo employee writing upbeat advices. People forget that the Wii has pushed hardware to, like, 50 million or something houses and many of them have grown insecure women, young girls, heck, even boys that would would find it soothing. While it could be argued that the casuals are to de bespised for they lower the bar in gaming, there's no denying that a significant part of homes aren't broken and the core gamers that made it through the hardest NES games have, now, families with whom they'd like to share their interests.

But, then again, I still find it very stupid. Just not as much as the over-the-top hate reactions, instead of a single "Why didn't we get a ______ channel instead?" I honestly don't give a flying fuck to channels. I want games. And being a huge fan of Nintendo, I dislike finding myself resorting to his PS3 to cater to my gaming needs. However, there is Muramasa. GOtta play it soon.
Johnny Justice's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 17:19
Johnny Justice
I reckon it would be brilliant if when you start up the channel, the advice it gave you was to uninstall it.

"I'am sure Some where for Someone its useful, you guys sulking to much! Where is your optimism?"

We're talking horoscopes here. They are of no use to anyone.
Arch649's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 17:19
Arch649
Great. how about a media player channel or a DVD playback channel or just something a little more useful.

Or how about this. Allow third parties to make channels and turn it into an app store.
Daxelman's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 17:25
Daxelman
I like horrorscopes, like I like The Holders stories.

Hilarious to a point, but once you're reminded of it in real life, fucking creepy.

REALLY fucking creepy.
AkatsukiKaizoku's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 17:45
AkatsukiKaizoku
Nintendo failed so hard o_o
NihonTiger90's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 17:52
NihonTiger90
Is it free? Is it optional? It is?

IGNORE IT.

No one is making you download this.
Johnny Justice's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 18:08
Johnny Justice
It looks like the people telling people not to make a big deal about it are making an even bigger deal about it. Just chill out and let us poke fun at the silly thing Nintendo made.
Crunshii's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 18:24
Crunshii
lol this article matches the one in Gizmodo.
Dan CiTi's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/08/2009 18:31
Dan CiTi
How would someone not want this?
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