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New games are better than sex, claim two thirds of men photo

According to a recent poll, two thirds of men would rather play new videogames than stick their filthsticks inside a lady's weeping wormhole.

31% of the 1,130 men applied this rule to games in general, claiming that women were too "hard to please" and videogames were simply more fun. The unambitious attitude saddens me greatly. When it came to brand new videogames, the results jumped up to 72%, with men unwilling to pass up the latest release. Even if it meant they could stuff their dirtsquirters into a quivering slop portal. 

This kind of thing isn't new. There have been polls that say the same about women. I wish it were true, of course. Maybe if stupid underachievers were playing videogames instead of rampantly f*cking each other at any given opportunity, our streets wouldn't be full of morons who can't even open the gate to my apartment complex because they're too dumb to operate a simple card system, the MORONS! THERE'S A RECESSION ON! STOP HAVING BABIES!

Ahem. Do you prefer games to sex?


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52 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Bioautographical's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:04
Bioautographical
Oh, my god, those idiots last night. Quoting Rip Torn, it was "like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob".

Games over sex . . . meh, I could see that happening. You're pretty much aware of what happens at the end of sex by the time you're 16. But it takes some time to work out that ATLAS IS FONTAINE!
linuxguy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:07
linuxguy
filthsticks, weeping wormhole, dirtsquirters, quivering slop portal?
personal vocabulary updated
Diverse's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:07
Diverse
For a second there I thought that was Chad at the top of the manpile.
Bulkmailer's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:08
Bulkmailer
Whatever you're in the mood for. This is a generalization that is unreal.
Pime Taradox's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:12
Pime Taradox
I prefer both at the same time. Something about shooting off a rocket launcher while the whole thing wraps up just feels right.
j-xar's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:14
j-xar
@Bioautographical

Did you just spoiler me without me realizing it?
Qalamari's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:14
Qalamari
Whoever posts the next front page story: Please make your header image something mounting something else so I can cash in on the trifecta. Thank you.
darksydex3226's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:26
darksydex3226
Sex is overrated, I'd take a new video game over that, and I have in the past too.
Steve Cebu's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:32
Steve Cebu
Hey, I'm married and my wife is into Sex and Video games! :D
But like someone once said "Women are great, but what are you going to do for the other 23 hours?"
Velt's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:37
Velt
sex is fun, and games too, the problem is when you have to spend a lot of time just to have sex, is the time before sex i would rather spend playing videogames.
falinter's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:39
falinter
I think we've all been there.

1) Get your D wet
or
2) Get your VG on

Its a hard choice every man has to face at some point in his life.
Bizznet's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:41
Bizznet
"According to a recent poll, two thirds of men would rather play new videogames than stick their filthsticks inside a lady's weeping wormhole. "

Eeeewwww.
Yukai's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:43
Yukai
Like Bulkmailer said, whatever your in the mood for. I usually find my other half kicks my ass whenever we play shooters together so I get my revenge via other means. :P
mossd's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:45
mossd
as it turns out, the same two thirds that preferred video games to sex also didn’t really have a choice in the matter. if the pictures of the two thirds were posted…it would probably make a lot of sense.

one would think that anyone that would refer to women’s anatomy as “a lady’s weeping wormhole” would most likely find themselves amongst the two thirds as well.
ajaxender's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:47
ajaxender
If youre gonna describe sex like... that... then yeah, ill take games. Any games.

Although, you may have given me ammunition in the constant war between my friend and I to disgust the other.
KoKoO Psy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:49
KoKoO Psy
Can't say I have played 'Sex', might get around to testing it some time, but at the moment i have my hands full with 'Henry Hatsworth'. My friend might lend me 'Sex' next week though.
POPPYCOCK!
Bulkmailer's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:56
Bulkmailer
And another thing: thinking women are too "hard to please" is the sound of a current or future rapist.
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:58
AgentMOO
These are epic euphamisms
sickNasty's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 09:59
sickNasty
Two thirds of men are retarded.
KoKoO Psy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:03
KoKoO Psy
Also, I agree with Diverse, for a spit second, it looked like this.
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:09
AgentMOO
Anyways the question is silly, why choose? Squirt your dirt then go get your game on
saxiums's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:13
saxiums
why one then the other? i think the real test of skill would be do to both at the same time.
istuffedsunny's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:15
istuffedsunny
Sex is overrated. Yes I've had it (with attractive women) and while it's nice, porn and games are much more fun.
Harris Hatsworth's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:16
Harris Hatsworth
Does liking Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball count as both?
fadecy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:17
fadecy
2/3 of People aren't sex obsessed? Who knew?!
Noah's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:17
Noah
I have had a lot more pleasure out of working over my hot wife than working over a video game....AND it's way easier than the later Challenges in Peggle that's for sure.



Also Bioautographical did you just spoil Bioshock for me?! :( Not cool
Wexx's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:33
Wexx
But Jim, More Babies = More Welfare
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:37
AgentMOO
lol i thought the bioshock spoiler was common knowledge by now
Holyetheline's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:38
Holyetheline
2/3 of men are doing it wrong then, this should never be the case. Sex is my favorite thing in the world.
Professor Pew's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:44
Professor Pew
I wonder what kind of sample group they used to do this study. Kotaku?
CelicaCrazed's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:47
CelicaCrazed
We are talking about period sex, right?? Right!?
smang's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 10:59
smang
i love street fighter but i'd rather do the horizontal tango everytime!

that said, i imagine the people that would pick videogames are probably not the kind of people you want to hand the future of humanity to.
Chronic Logic's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 11:24
Chronic Logic
What a bunch of fudge packers. Why don't they have sex WHILE playing new games?
kavorka's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 11:27
kavorka
90% of polls have proven that 70% of poll results are 85% inaccurate, and that 45% of those polled are aliens.

Sex is only fun with Italians and Latinos. Nobody else has the fire.
Bioautographical's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 11:30
Bioautographical
@j-xar:

There is no such thing as a spoiler on a nearly two year-old game.
Syn's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 11:35
Syn
"Maybe if stupid underachievers were playing videogames instead of rampantly f*cking each other at any given opportunity, our streets wouldn't be full of morons who can't even open the gate to my apartment complex because they're too dumb to operate a simple card system, the MORONS! THERE'S A RECESSION ON! STOP HAVING BABIES!"

YEAH! It's like THAT! Anyone seen Idiocracy? Believe it!
akathatoneguy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 11:36
akathatoneguy
"stick their filthsticks inside a lady's weeping wormhole"
"stuff their dirtsquirters into a quivering slop portal"

And you say you're not a journalist? You're in denial, sir! This is the work of a top-notch journalist, in fact!
The-Excel's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 11:39
The-Excel
Games about sex? You know you wanna.
Aurikill's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 11:39
Aurikill
C'mon!
The controller skills gave me the power of clitorization. I can move my fingers in any rhythm, with soft or hard pressure - thanks, Dual Shock 2! - and I also a skilled conoisseur of the female anatomy and predisposition to oral sex - thanks, porn!
All of that was achieved thru games and pron. So, really, if a guy can't please a woman, this is major loserism. And don't get me started about the filthstick skills...
The matter is that some guys don't think over the cock. Sex is a lot a stuff, "also cocks". Not ONLY cocks. There's touch, all the senses...
But if the guy is a loser and rather play Power Rangers Anthology over a nice, good looking and hot girl, I'm SO sorry...
Well, better for us gamers that actually have a brain and a healthy sex life. Gamer girls, we're here and willing to please you.
Midgetsnowman's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 11:57
Midgetsnowman
@akathaoneguy

because JOURNALISM!
bluexy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 12:03
bluexy
Now if sex had achievements to unlock that you could show all your friends... wait, that's probably a bad idea.
DaedHead8's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 12:54
DaedHead8
My girlfriend and I prefer to play new games, then have sex, or sometimes we have sex then play new games. We've yet to attempt them both at the same time, although that might result in somebodies head exploding.
BigPopaGamer's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 13:01
BigPopaGamer
Depends on what the girl is offering me and how hot she is. If it's the kind of sex where I have to do all the work without even a rim job thrown in, forget it.
Reginald's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 13:03
Reginald
obviously this post is a test. anyone who answers incorrectly (sex) will have their accounts deleted. nice try, sterling ! you'd have to wake up preettty early in the morn to pull a blinder on this turkey.
Half left's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 13:17
Half left
I prefer sex. But I can buy videogames without getting arrested.
Xhumation's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 15:06
Xhumation
I love videogames I really do.
But I love the ladies more.
StMcDuck's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 16:03
StMcDuck
Depends on the game. Depends on the girl.
vApathyv's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/02/2009 22:09
vApathyv
Eh. Does this include men that have gamer girlfriends? I mean, not sure how it works in other relationships, but usually it's not hard to notice when it's time to put down the plastic guitar or pause Castle Crashers long enough to have some...other time.

...Or maybe I'm just lucky.
CapnCrunk's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/03/2009 20:31
CapnCrunk
Well, video games are much cheaper than hookers.
Chibicon's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/01/2009 21:46
Chibicon
I'm all up for sex whenever there's time for it, 'cause games... well, you pause them, save your session and you're ready.
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