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Prepare yourself. You are about to watch a trailer for upcoming Japanese WiiWare game Muscle March that will include the following:

  • Constellations in the shape of muscles
  • Rainbows
  • Sheep
  • More penises than you can count
  • An old man making masturbatory motions
  • Men in Speedos running really fast
  • Men in Speedos running really fast and breaking through walls
  • A polar bear in a diaper

Check it out after the jump.

It’s easily the best thing you will ever see.

It goes without saying that I would sell my first born to have this come to America. You need a baby, Namco?


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next 50 comments

66 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Zepwich's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:35
Zepwich
Wow, thats so random, I have to get this.
Matthew Blake's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:37
Matthew Blake
That was the greatest thing I have ever seen.
Scary Womanizing Pig Mask's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:39
Scary Womanizing Pig Mask
Nice Muscle!
JoZo's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:41
JoZo
AHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA so freaking weird.
Grant Mercy's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:41
Grant Mercy
I can now happily go blind knowing that I will never see anything as wondrous again.
Toneman's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:42
Toneman
I too will sell Chad's first born for this game.
CocoJambo's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:42
CocoJambo
Absolutely brilliant! I can't even pick witch part was the funniest, all of it was incredible.
ChronosWing's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:43
ChronosWing
Why do I have the feeling this will probably not leave Japan? Either way do want even if I have to obtain it by other means if it doesn't get released here.
DanlHaas's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:43
DanlHaas
Brad Nicholson's GOTY. Confirmed.

(also, how am I the first to mention Brad?)
Black Nexus's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:48
Black Nexus
O.o wut?
ArrestedDeveloper's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:54
ArrestedDeveloper
My friend once had a picture of Japanese female body builders, it was impossible to masturbate to. Trust me.
imaginarythomas's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 20:58
imaginarythomas
How come they get gems like this and we're stuck with "Family Pirate Fun Park: A day at the beach with fun"
JusticeDude's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 21:09
JusticeDude
Thank you, Chad. This is now the greatest day ever.
Chronic Logic's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 21:12
Chronic Logic
@ArrestedDeveloper

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FAP TO!
Charey's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 21:19
Charey
Why is everyone after the protein supplements? I think they have enough protein already.

That said I want to join the chase for excessive amounts protein.
Projectexodus's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 21:22
Projectexodus
Omfg, a Norwegian Polar Bear!
Ikey Heyman's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 21:22
Ikey Heyman
there are no words. THERE ARE NO WORDS.

except for maybe "oh, Japan, never change." but that's it.
Discarded Couch Sandwich's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 21:27
Discarded Couch Sandwich
This is why I need a japanese Wii...

I'm sure if this game made it overseas the men would be significantly more clothed than they are depicted here. Heck, us Brits can't even handle seeing a man with his shirt off. (bye Contra, hello Probotector)

Its a ruination I say!
Naim Master's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 21:43
Naim Master
Oh , you crazy ass otakus !
ErigBurger's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 21:45
ErigBurger
"OUCHU! OUCHU!! OUCHUU!!!"

Never thought I'd see a dancing polar bear in an orange Speedo in my lifetime, but here we are!
purplepeopleeater's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:03
purplepeopleeater
Why can't real life be more like this? Having strange muscled men running around breaking through buildings while posing would be awesome (as long as they didn't tear down my house.)
HiddenAHB's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:14
HiddenAHB
Oh the homoerotic games. I thought they were gone for sure, but Nintendo had to brought them back.

Milestailsprowe's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:18
Milestailsprowe
WHy cant we get this in the US
gamadaya's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:23
gamadaya
I like how gay (homo gay) is treated like an emotion in Japan.
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:30
AgentMOO
OUCH OUCH OUCH!


NICE MUCELE!

Also, that's brilliant that the beginning of the trailer has a constellation of a dude's butt
Tanukitsune's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:50
Tanukitsune
Am the only person who thought of Cho Aniki when I saw the header image?

I hope it comes to Europe! D:
crims0ncha0s's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:53
crims0ncha0s
LMFAO! Epic win! Too funny.
gatorsax2010's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 22:57
gatorsax2010
They can bring it to the US and call it Muscle Muscle Muscle!
whormongr's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 23:06
whormongr
doood. awesome.
Jack Maverick's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 23:26
Jack Maverick
Dibs on the polar bear.
calpis's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/15/2009 23:38
calpis
Saying this now, I will buy a wii if this game comes out here.
bluemeep's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 00:42
bluemeep
Japan, you rascals.
Dexter345's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 01:00
Dexter345
Eight bucks? I'd buy it, were it out here.
Mr Wrighty 987's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 01:06
Mr Wrighty 987
Best. Game . Ever
MissHinasaki's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 02:01
MissHinasaki
So from what I've gathered the story is that random foes continuously steal your protein shake and you must chase them down by playing that fit-in-the-whole-in-the-wall game from the Ellen Degeneras show?
Analitic's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 03:06
Analitic
at first i thought it was a spoof of all the destructoid editors, but no its 'real' and in Japan. Thats it, im moving.
Stella Wong's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 03:12
Stella Wong
POLAR BEARS :DDD
odber's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 03:49
odber
AMAAAAAZING!! I must have this game. Also very nice music
Cough's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 03:55
Cough
What AgentMOO said.

Also, thank you chad for bringing light into our lives.
Double J's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 05:58
Double J
...What exactly is that old guy doing in the corner at 0:37(and several other points in the trailer)?
Jonathan Holmes's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 06:40
Jonathan Holmes
I truly need to own this game.
IpcressFiles's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 07:12
IpcressFiles
That game has turned me
grasslunatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 08:25
grasslunatic
I've been scarred for life.
Thymine's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 08:42
Thymine
When I saw that protein, the muscle men, and the bra dude, I thought of The World of Golden Eggs. Must play polar bear.
mr showtime's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 09:59
mr showtime
I knew I bought a Wii for a reason.


When's the US launch?
Monodi's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 10:25
Monodi
Ok that was amazing
iconsam's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 10:55
iconsam
Great, now I want a protein shake.
mascot1063's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 11:17
mascot1063
is the one in a pink bakini a woman? lol wow...
OldSkull's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 11:20
OldSkull
my grandma will love to play that... also, I can let her read my Honcho magazines after that, finally...
trueb7ue's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/16/2009 14:25
trueb7ue
SO HAPPY I HAVE A JPN WII *____* this and Takeshi's Challenge have made my purchase all the while.
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