On September 29, Xbox Live will go down for about 24 hours while Microsoft gets things prepared for its big fall update. Microsoft seems to believe that its customers actually have nothing in their lives outside of Xbox, and has taken action to stop all 100 people with a working 360 from killing themselves.
Over on MS' GamerScore blog, some person with the totally-not-aimed-at-horny-teenagers name of DirtyDiva has provided a list of ten things you can do while Xbox Live is down. Some of them are incredibly precious, such as this little gem:
Head over to the nearest mall to search for inspiration and design ideas to use when creating your Avatar. We hear cowboy hats and asymmetrical blazers will be in this year
After the jump, you will be able to see the full list, which surprisingly is almost completely centered around enjoying Microsoft products. The ones that work, anyway. While it's a lovely little list, DirtyDiva clearly needs to learn a thing or two from some list article veterans.We're masters of writing columns that assign arbitrary numbers to things at Destructoid, and so we have used our experience to improve the list and turn it into something that truly will be of use to gamers the world over.
Read on as Destructoid improves Microsoft's fun list!
Here is Microsoft's list of things to do:
1. Sign up for Netflix and start creating your queue. This may take some time… Netflix offers more than 12,000 instantly watchable movies and TV episodes
2. Read the unofficial strategy guide to “Braid” so you can boost your Achievements and finally beat the game
3. Head over to the nearest mall to search for inspiration and design ideas to use when creating your Avatar. We hear cowboy hats and asymmetrical blazers will be in this year
4. Go out and take some great pictures to share with your friends during an Xbox LIVE Party. Wear your cowboy hat and asymmetrical blazer
5. Catch up on your favorite TV shows that you downloaded from the Xbox LIVE Video Store before the service maintenance. We recommend “Chuck”
6. Download XNA Game Studio 3.0 and start creating your Xbox LIVE Community Game. You might find your game on Xbox LIVE Arcade one day
7. Read the Gamerscore Blog and MajorNelson.com to catch up on the latest features coming with the New Xbox Experience
8. Play some couch co-op on “Viva Piñata: Trouble in Paradise” and grow your garden, but watch out for Professor Pester, please
9. Play through the story-mode of the original “Gears of War” so you have a story refresher before “Gears of War 2” launches in November. Practice your Roadie Run
10. Get some sun. You are going to be spending A LOT more time inside once the New Xbox Experience launches
Nice enough, but far from perfect, I trust you'll find. We've made a few alterations to the original list to provide something that we hope will be a lot more applicable and practical for the modern Xbox owner:
1. Sign up for the PlayStation Network and start playing a whole bunch of online games on a service that will not only be running on September 29, but will actually be fucking free
2. Read something that isn't the unofficial strategy guide to Braid, because if you did use a guide for that you'd be a complete twat
3. Head over to the Wii's Mii Channel to search for inspiration and design ideas to use when creating your Avatars. After all, that's what Microsoft did!
4. Go out and ... well, that's it really. Actually leave your house for once in your fucking life and learn some social skills. The kind of skills that might stop you being really creepy and/or hateful whenever you hear a female voice on Halo 3. The kind of skills that help you realize that calling a gay person a "faggot" is neither amusing nor clever
5. Catch up on your favorite Youtube videos that you didn't spend imaginary Microsoft Monopoly money to rent. I suggest a Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series marathon for maximum funny
6. Open up MS Paint and start creating a better IT system. One that is not only reliable, but has the ability to be upgraded without needing to have a global shut down
7. Read the official Nintendo Web site to catch up on the latest features coming with the New Xbox Experience. Examining Nintendo's present is like taking a glimpse at Microsoft's future ... except for the bit where Nintendo actually makes a shit-ton of money with its casual crap
8. No need to change number eight. Playing Viva Piñata is a good idea, because it's a good idea. Just make sure to find and murder whoever thought Professor Pester was a fun gameplay addition
9. Play through the story-mode of the original Gears of War and be absolutely amazed that a story-mode exists. You never saw that there before, did you? Practice saying "naggers" into your Xbox headset because you heard it on South Park and it sounds a bit like a naughty word and THAT IS SO FUNNY WHEN YOU SAY IT!
10. Get some sun. You are going to spending be a LOT more time on the phone to Microsoft's customer service once the New Xbox Experience launches
Contest:
10:02 PM on 09.26.2008
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Still working on MGS....after Im done playing Viva Pinata.
[/mildsarcasmwasntkiddingontheMGSpart]
Anyways, GEARS HAD A STORY? WUT X.X
Seriously though, I get what you are saying, but that doesn't mean it makes you a more clever or appealing person for saying it. And the "naggers" comment is just racist, even if you are quoting it from south park, you should have known that it was innappropriate then, but I guess you found it somewhat amusing, which is sad...
Um ... wut?
Do you understand what irony is? It's something you're doing now.
What a waste of time, I can't believe I read your comment I want my 14 seconds back, oh fuck it id only waste them again.
P.S read the daily mail they have journalistic integrity. OH SNAP.
P.S.S Jim is black (on the inside)
......
I honestly don't like the look of the thing so far. I prefer the dashboard and while I don't care if it's down for 2 or 24 hours, I'd much rather them not do it at all.
Sorry, but there's no way to beat what MS already did to themselves right there.
Trollan Editor
He's good at what he does.
11.- Do what you do when your console has the RRoD.
...fap?
I tend to play games on the weekends, but i appreciate your concern for my entertainment.
Nice article, tho. :)
You always bash teh 360s and suck Sony off. Bad form. Fail editor is FAIL.
...lulz...
This list made my night, seriously when will MS stop making us pay for crap were getting free else where >.>
Since I can't get Castle Crashers or Braid else where though I'll kiss their arse and tell them it's toffee.
...I thought the list was great actually.