11:05 AM on 01.16.2007
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Nex
(Editor's Note: Writing for a major video game web site like Destructoid is a difficult task. You see the best and worst sides of people all over the industry, and then sometimes, you see things that confuse and terrify you. Things Lovecraft would have written about in a short story documenting the rantings of a sanitarium inmate. This is one of those stories. -- Nex)
Recently, an MMO gamer in Minnesota, named Jeff Prybl, went missing. His family had no idea where he went and their only lead was that it might have something to do with the unnamed MMO he seemed so utterly engrossed in. As it had been more than a week since they last saw him, his parents had grown worried. They enlisted the help of the local news station, KARE-11, and then they went completely insane and hired anti-fun activisit Jack "I Hate Kittens" Thompson.
I'm warily hoping they hired him for his bloodhound-like sense of smell, but I get the feeling that this is going to turn into another one of Jacko's "video games kidnapped this boy, and possibly sexually assaulted him" tirades designed to get his face on every TV around the country. While I understand that the family was just trying to do what's best for their loved one, hiring Jack "I Put Bees In Your Sandwich" Thompson is only going to help two people: Jack and myself. Why would it help Ol' Nexypoo, you ask? I'll tell you why Billy; as long as Jack has the strength to wage his shockingly idiotic crusade against gamers, I'll be there to make fun of him.
God bless America.
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Contest:
Father : I don't know dear, But i really think we should call the cops...
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I'm quite sure thats how the conversation went.
Mazes and Monsters.
The movie was hilariously bad. A Reefer Madness for Dungeons and Dragons. Those of you who don't remember 1982 (when the movie was released on TV) probably don't know that Dungeons and Dragons was red hot and the establishment, like our boy Jack T. today, was all up in arms about how kids who played D & D were being led to Satanism, madness, suicide, and homicide.
D & D was going to end civilization.
In the film, Tom Hanks plays D & D, loses touch with reality, runs around a sewer attacking imaginary trolls, falls down a well (or whatever), then ends up insane. End of story.
Lesson: imagination is bad.
It will destroy you.
It's just another episode in the ongoing American obsession of blaming popular culture for the ills of a nation addicted to global war and materialism.
If something goes wrong with America, blame Harry Potter.
I read that book the Dungeon Master when I was in Junior High and wanted nothing more than to be able to crawl through steam tunnels and hang down there and shit...
I seriously hope they still don't believe that. It was published in 1984 so I really hope they have developed more common sense in the past 23 years.