Recently, Sony proudly boasted that the PlayStation Network had surpassed 20 million members, putting its numbers ahead of Xbox Live by a cool 3 million. Well, it's been a while since we had the two companies tugging each others' hair and giving out dead legs in the schoolyard, so naturally a Microsoft spokesman came out to question the numbers and accuse Sony of filthy, rotten lies.

"When we talk about our numbers we feel they're active users who are actively engaged in all the forms of entertainment we offer on Xbox 360," explains MS UK's Stephen McGill. "I think if you look at the comments made on the forums, or the comments made by analysts at Screen Digest then there's questions over, well what does Sony's numbers really mean? Are they duplicates? I think there's a lot of questions there.

"All I'm really worried about is, I know I'm the largest online video on demand service in the UK, we are worldwide, we've got a great online service the others can't come close to. They're not right now. When you think of our heritage as a company Microsoft has proven we are probably the only company in the world that can offer great online experiences for millions and millions and millions of people. And that's what we do every day with Xbox LIVE.

"Sony do what Sony want to do and if they think that's right for their business to say those kind of numbers then they can do and will do whatever they want to do. Do I believe them? No."

In other news, Microsoft knows Sony's dad, and is going to tell him that the publisher has been scrumping apples. We have extended the child metaphor in a biting satire of the infantile behavior of multimillion dollar companies, a babyishness which we do, admittedly, perpetuate by publicizing it.