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Michael Bay to direct PoP movie; is no childhood memory safe? photo

Michael "Next, I'm going to bang your mom" Bay has just been revealed as the director for the Prince of Persia movie. Jerry Bruckheimer, the producer of such hits as Pirates of 21 Jump Street and CSI: Miami, has been slowly putting this whole thing together, and earlier today, IESB.net got word that Bruckheimer has tapped Bay to sit in the fancy chair for the film, which is now slated for a Summer 2009 release.

You might have heard of Mr. Bay from his past hits, such as The Rock or Pearl Harbor, or perhaps you will recall that he's the guy drawing the ire of the Internet for utterly corrupting our beautiful, innocent childhood memories with his upcoming cinematic abortion: Transformers. While we, the Internet, can agree he has a history of making things 'splode real nice, his latest venture is mind-numbingly idiotic; the man is trying to top Orson Welles' final films, with Tyrese, and a "reimagined" Megatron who epitomizes the term vagina dentata.

The problem with a Michael-Bay-helmed Prince of Persia lies in the fact that the series has always been about puzzle-solving, as opposed to stabbing everyone's head off with a rocket launcher. I'm almost positive that Bay's version of PoP will star Vin Diesel, Ludacris, and Andy Richter, and that the Prince will have no less than five exploding sex scenes.

As for what an exploding sex scene is, you'll have to see it for yourself; only in theaters, Summer 2009. 


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18 comments | showing # 1 to 18

Mabec's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 06:02
Mabec
I cant wait!!!!

[BORAT PAUSE UNTIL 2009]

Zzz...

NOT!
Silverhertz's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 06:08
Silverhertz
To quote cleveland.....Ohhh thats just Nastay
The Tormented's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 06:47
The Tormented
You have to agree,if Michael Bay have made Megatron like it was on the cartoon,it would look absolutely ridiculous.And,I'm still hoping Mikey will some day direct a Thundercats flick.
uptonogood's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 07:01
uptonogood
i'm all for this version of transformers. it was a show about giant robots that transformed into things. let's think about this realistically as well as we can -- machines that mimic our technology would have to be mechanical in appearance -- and complicated as opposed to boxy and full of primary colors.

anyway, it's a movie about giant fucking robots. i'm thrilled. you can't dumb that down no matter how much you think the original was complex because it wasn't. giant robots that transform into things. children's play things.
Zero_'s Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 08:40
Zero_
Hey uptonogood, did you hear, Optimus Prime now has lips... yep, he moves his lips when he talks.
B-Radicate's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 08:49
B-Radicate
i agree that this reimagined transformers will not be nearly as bad as all the fanboys are crying about. uptonogood makes a good point. it's not like bay is totally changing the core of the idea... they're big giant robots who change into forms of our technology. where the heck is our gigantic laser rifle handgun weapon? 'cause i've never seen it. i think a tank is way more badass. oh, and optimus prime as a different paint job? boohoo. all those whiny fanboys will go see it the night it comes out regardless of how much bitching they have done.

as far as a PoP movie goes, if they make a movie akin to the pirates of the caribbean films it could be totally amazing and everyone knows it. a movie like that, one that is big on fantastic action and adventure would be real cool. i like to think that michael bay can easily redirect his pension for fast-paced explosive action scenes and translate them into breathtaking wall running/jumping/puzzle scenes. you hafta admit the guy can make a great chase scene. now imagine those chases being across entire castles and especially their walls and such. it could be cool. just give it a chance.
Niero's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 08:51
Niero
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 09:13
Tubatic
Tranformers movie is fine. Working as intended.

Although, I'm really hoping they don't keep with the lips the whole movie. He has a face plate for battle. If he realizes how awkward his lips are and becomes very self concious about his appearance, I'll be fine.
Tubatic's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 09:17
Tubatic
More on topic, Tony Jaa as the Prince probably makes more immediate sense than Bay as the PoP director. I have low expectations for this one.
skankerzero's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 09:26
skankerzero
@ Zero_ : He's had lips before.

The thing people need to remember is that the new Transformer movie is not G1. It's just another retelling. Hasbro has been doing this since the franchise started. Constantly rebooting to sell new toys.
bmdubya's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 09:35
bmdubya
They better not mess this movie up. Sands of Time was my favorite game on PS2.
BahamutZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 10:25
BahamutZero
Video game movies need to die. They are the number one reason why movies are becoming a worse art form than games. film studios are so fucking pathetic lazy. I mean jesus fucking a christ PEOPLE DONT PLAY GAMES FOR THE STORIES. I can't wait for the Madden 2008 movie Tony Hawk Experience 9: IMAX. whee.
B-Radicate's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 10:47
B-Radicate
actually, bahamut_zero, i very often play games for the stories. if you tell me no final fantasy player plays those games for the stories then you are kidding yourself. while i used to only play games for fun i have been finding myself more attracted to story-driven games as i've gotten older. that's why i eschew playing games such as crackdown and most racing and sport games. i think there would be many people out there who agree.

although, you do make a valid point about game movies. but i think you meant BAD game movies need to die. studios need to take their time and do the IPs justice. *cough*doom*cough*
BahamutZero's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 11:43
BahamutZero
what I really meant is, the MAJORITY of people don't play games for stories... yet. what i also mean is the main focus in video games isn't (usually) the writing. whereas the whole point of movies is to tell a story. therefore a story-driven medium is ripping off the plots of a non-story-driven medium (where the actual EXPERIENCE is the attraction and entertainment). this sucks as do ALL video game movies. name one GOOD (read, artistic not just "so bad it's good" like the SMB movie, which I love for different reasons) video game movie and I will give you $5
Mxyzptlk's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 13:07
Mxyzptlk
I would have gone with someone like Martin Campbell myself. Bay's last period piece wasn't so hot.

And I firmly believe the Transformers movie is going to turn out pretty cool, despite the legions of manbabies crying about how their childhood is being raped because Megatron turns into an alien jet instead of a gun and Bumblebee is a Camaro instead of a VW Bug. No offense, manbabies.
realyst's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 13:23
realyst
I add my name to the crowd of those who are saying 'Give Bay a chance". Yes, Pearl Harbor sucked. But The Rock was awesome.

Also, as stated before, giant boxes making goofy noises as they impossibly squish and squash to fit a 30 tonne robot into a 2 tonne machine would look goofy on screen.

Formula for a Transformers movie that is faithful:

1) Giant robots crash into Earth. -- check

2) Bad Giant robots follow as well. -- check

3) Giant robots turn into vehicles(or later, animals) -- check

4) Giant robots fight each other either in the presence of children or young adults -- check

5) Cheezy "You've got the touch" music -- okay, not check(thankfully)
winojesus's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 13:32
winojesus
video game movies are for retards.
that is all.
kakusei's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2007 14:22
kakusei
I've gotta agree with some of the other commenters here. I loved Transformers as a kid and I'm thoroughly looking forward to the movie. I think it looks like it'll kick ass. And even if it does turn out to be a stinking pile of bullcrap at least it'll have huge robots fighting each other. I challenge anyone to deny the pure joy brought on from watching giant robots fighting each other.
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