4:50 PM on 10.25.2007
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Nex
In the Internet equivalent of a gang war, Maxim has responded to Askmen.com's declaration that David "Kelp Pore Mask" Beckham is 2007's epitome of masculinity by creating their own list of five people who just so happen to have external genitalia and proclaiming them to be the template upon which their perma-adolescent demographic ought to base their lives. The list ranges from laughable (Robert Rodriguez) to shockingly valid (Lemmy), but the most confusing -- and, unless I'm wrong, intentionally provocative -- selection has to be the inclusion of Halo's Master Chief.
I suppose the fictional character represents the same kind of stoic strength traditional masculine role models have always demonstrated, but doesn't his existence as a complete fabrication sort of nullify their ability to nominate him? Bungie created him specifically to be the definition of that template, and assuming he wasn't spawned that way specifically to avoid the acquisition of complex character traits (a topic I'm avoiding so as to not upset the Internet bee hive), he must almost be a parody of everything Maxim is claiming he represents.
Then again, maybe I'm just reading too deeply into this. I'm sure the boys at Maxim didn't contemplate the list longer than it took for their Hot Pockets to warm, so instead of injuring myself trying to read too much into this, I'm instead going to remind you all that breasts are awesome.
Seriously, they really are.
Really.
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Contest:
Also, Cocks.
Um, aside from Spy Kids (and shark boy and lava girl), he is considered a kicka$$ guy, considering the movies he makes.
Then again I am taking this whole thing rather seriously. DAMN IT! I got roped in...
- Robert Rodriguez left the mother of his five kids to schtup Rose McGowan. Not a real man. Plus, cowboy hats?
- Master Chief is a woman.
What, only now?
How were they not a joke before?
'A'
'B'
Breasts ARE awesome.
See what I did there?
and plus he wears leopard print leather jeans and sports those
stupid cowboy hats. who the hell wears cowboy hats anymore?
Cereally, she told me last night.
1) Awesome Piece, loved reading it!
2) If bench-riding-always-injured-poonaner David Beckham is the epitome of maculinity, sign me up for a sex change.
ps. David Beckham with breasts?
also breats bloody titty boobs
Isn't she lovely?
As apposed to before when Maxim was a respectable piece of reading material?
Go somewhere, my nig.
Wait, what was my point again? Nevermind. Putting a fictional character in there is kind of lame. Master Chief, however, is certainly not a douche. Not anymore so than Robocop, at least.
Also, can we use this thread as an excuse to post more pictures of Keeley Hazell? Thanks.
B(.)(.)BS FT \|(')|/
Also, Gordan Freeman.
Gordan Freeman has glasses. He can never be manly.
I bet you also think Sam and Frodo are gay, right?
There was no romance between Chief and Cortana. Cortana's appearance, voice, and personality are modelled after Dr. Halsey, the woman who chose John (Master Chief) for the Spartan program when he was six years old and is, in a sense, his mother-figure. There was strong affection between him and Cortana, but I'd hardly call it a stab at romance.
I actually feel pretty dumb, I never played through the story of Halo 1 or 2...only multiplayer. Halo 3 was the first one I played the campaign on, and that fas for the Hyabusa Armor.
SHarpless 1- Noah 0
How could you say no to this :).