The Wii is the console that is bringing families together across America. Such irony then, that it also doubles as an effective strangulation tool for moronic boyfriends.
Daniel Alvarez of Austin, Texas has been apprehended on charges of aggravated assault after using a Wii remote cord to strangle his girlfriend. The assault occurred after a fight sparked by stolen cookies. I sh*t you not.
Christina Alvarado discovered that her greedy boyfriend had helped himself to her Girl Scout cookies. Christina was infuriated, but Daniel was also enraged due to the fact that she had woken him up -- a crime far greater than stealing, apparently. Just to make sure we're all the same page here and know it's not a joke -- this violent fight was about Girl Scout cookies.
Alvarez could face up to twenty years in jail for this second degree felony, all over a box of cookies. Still, you can't blame Daniel for using a Wiimote to choke his girl -- after all, Reggie really loves that throttle!
Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize.
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Contest:
10:00 AM on 02.05.2009
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Plus, girl guide cookies are horrible IMO.
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Umm....WTF?!
Hahah I kid. But for real though, I've choked my wife for less.
remind me to never take his cookies. EVER.
I'd choke a bitch for the cookies too, but maybe not with a wii-mote.
Girl guide cookies are the bomb! I'll strangle you if you say otherwise again!
Thanks Jim for another facepalm worthy tale!
But one of my first thoughts when I saw that the Nunchuk would be attached to the Wiimote with a 2 feet cord, was that people would strangulate themselves.
We have to call for an immediate ban on all girl scout cookies. This may seem extreme, but if it saves even one girlfriend from being strangled then it will be worth it.
I hear Jack Thompson has a whole bunch of studies which show the violent tendencies that are exhibited after eating a box of these cookies.
Particularly those delicious Samoas. *Drool*
That guy... he probably just has gone through life doing whatever he feels, and this just made sense to him. So hard for me to get my head around.
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OTHERWISE!
My GF likes them but I find them disgusting, plus 2 cookies is like 50% of your daily transfat or something like that.
Fuck it, I love Austin.
But congrats for finding something creative to do with the peripherals.
Wii Fisting
Wii Circle Jerk
Wii Vibe (good thing the remote comes with a silicon sleeve now)
Wii Chicken Choker (instead of No More Heroes)
Wii Shank