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Lucky little boy gets PSP crammed with porn photo

Six-year-old Eliso Tovar was given a late Christmas present by his mother recently in the form of a PSP. Unfortunately, it turned out to be the gift that kept on giving, when it was discovered that the console, freshly purchased from Walmart, was stuffed to the digital gills with delicious porn.

Alarm bells were already ringing when the console's wallpaper was discovered to be a woman with her bulbous funtumors hanging out. It only got worse when "hundreds of pornographic images" were found by the bemused boy. Walmart has offered a free PSP game to go with the system by way of recompense, but the mother wants a whole new PSP, apparently unwilling to touch one that has been tainted by sick filth and could now transmit AIDS, even when all the pictures are deleted.

Which is a bit of a waste of time, really. Eliso's got a taste for the stuff now, and he'll just put a load more on when nobody's looking. That disgusting little pervert.


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35 comments | showing # 1 to 35

Xhumation's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:05
Xhumation
bulbous funtumors? that's an interesting term.

That's what the mother gets for giving a christmas present in april
Doomsday Forte's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:07
Doomsday Forte
Xhumation got it on the mark. But hell, you'd think Walmart actually checks their stuff when it's returned.

Then again, one guy returned a 360 and I couldn't be bothered to set it up (no nearby TV either), so it went back to Electronics. XD
Static Jak's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:07
Static Jak
I'm sure the kid was devastated.
linuxguy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:08
linuxguy
@the boy: please share the files.
MrSadistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:09
MrSadistic
The mom has a right to be terrified. God knows the numerous times I have refused to touch someone's PSP because I was afraid to catch AIDS.
linuxguy's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:10
linuxguy
also why doesn't it surprise me that it's fox that is reporting this?
Squirrel Pope's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:12
Squirrel Pope
it comes with free porn now!!!! I think i finally found a real reason to replace my PSP-1001 with a new model.
PappaDukes's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:19
PappaDukes
*runs to GameStop as fast as humanly possible*
LostSoulDX's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:20
LostSoulDX
This is the second thing I've heard of in recent memory involving Wal-Mart and porn. Makes you wonder what they're doing in those stores <.<
Kraid's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:20
Kraid
fappidy faaaaap!

That's awesome! ­'a woman with her bulbous funtumors hanging out.' You do know your way with words my dear sire.
Corak's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:26
Corak
I know most of us see it as a bonus, I sure as hell do, but the kid is six. Maybe its different now but when I was six, first grade, bewbs wern't on my mind at all. Mostly it was playing sports and playing pranks on the girls I liked. Sure I'd be a little upset if I was the mother, but if I bought that thing "new" and it had that stuff on it I think I'd be more pissed about that than the nudie pictures.
zombiekiller13's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:41
zombiekiller13
Man, remember when we'd have to sneak into dad's porn stash or have a friend who managed to steal an issue of Playboy from the local newsstand to get a glance at nekkid womens?

Nowadays, kids just have to pop on the PC or get their mom to buy a PSP. Lazy ass kids...

If it were my kid, I'd be mad. Mostly because I bought a used system for new...

Kidding aside, I'd be pissed that my kid was exposed to porn before I would like him to have been. It's funny to read about it, but if it was your 6-year old, I'm sure you'd want to rip someone's head off.

I'd also be demanding a brand new PSP as well as something more than a free game; maybe a gift card or more games. They took a used system and sold it to me new, as well as exposed my kid to adult material. If I want that kind of treatment, I'd go to Gamestop.
J03yyz's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 09:44
J03yyz
what a stupid fucking kid.

if i got a PSP loaded with porn when i was a kid i would have shut my fucking mouth and enjoyed it.

whats wrong with kids these days?
Drewcifer000's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 10:01
Drewcifer000
The mom shouldn't have made a big deal about it in front of the kid. If she had been like "Oh that's just a lady here give it to me we'll get a new one" and then flipped shit at walmart, that kid may not have to suffer a repressed memory relapse in his mid-40s.
Sexualchocolate's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 10:06
Sexualchocolate
J03yyz - seconded. kids are fucking stupid these days. I would have kept that shit myself for sure!

Did you hear about the guy who bough a used GTA4 for his 12 year old son (read over 18s only) to find 4 ecstacy pills in the box?
Winner in my book! He knew exactly what they were, mitsi's apparently.

Seriously though, i would be seriously pissed buying new and getting used like that. They should give him way more than a new PSP, they've got some grovelling to do!

I can't fit porn on my PSP anymore - that cunt of a game LocoRoco2 (for the mrs) takes up pretty much my whole 2gig mem stick!
Half left's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 10:09
Half left
"bulbous funtumors"

Is that the best you could do?
Qraze's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 10:50
Qraze
i hope they sue wallmart for emotional damages.
Grimhound's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 11:04
Grimhound
It could always have been worse. It could have been some of the sick and twisted furry fetish porn that haunts the dark halls of the internet, which might have sent the child down a dark and tragic path where he could only get off to images of multi-breasted hermaphroditic platypi performing fellatio on one another while lactating raspberry cream and playing paddle ball.
Jetsetlemming's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 11:12
Jetsetlemming
I was desperate to know how the fuck that happened but then Doomsday Forte has to go and offer a logical explanation.
Also an actually pretty good reason to want a replacement. They paid new money for a used PSP. And that's used in the worst sense- there could be spunk on that screen for all she knows.
AlucardX24's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 11:16
AlucardX24
Jim, you are the god of literacy prowess. I am impressed by your incomparable use of the English vocabulary.

Also, if that PSP is tainted, mine would be the devil itself. ;)
Kaspar's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 11:24
Kaspar
Lol, why would she freak out over some Tomb Raider screens and artwork?
Janledroxa's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 11:24
Janledroxa
Oh wall-mart, THE HORROR... OF pr0n!!! *shakes fist angrily in air*
ChronosWing's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 11:45
ChronosWing
That's Wal-Mart for you, they take back anything and all you gotta say is you never used it, 90% of the employees won't bother checking it and will just stick it right back on the shelf. #1 reason why I don't buy anything there unless its still wrapped in fucking cellophane.
Chronic Logic's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 12:25
Chronic Logic
What a lucky kid! As for the mother what a bitch. The Walmart employees game him a little something extra to enjoy, and the mother goes berserk. Who the heck would complain about a video game console that came prepackaged with porn?
thisissami's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 12:30
thisissami
they should probably use a black light on the PSP. i'm willing to bet it's going to turn white if they try that.
Dexter345's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 13:44
Dexter345
I only wish I had access to porn when I was a kid. Thank goodness the Internet was really coming around right when I was entering my teen years.
Tarvu's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 14:11
Tarvu
I just want to know who put it on! The Story doesn't clarify whether it was preowned or new, I could easily imagine somebody trading in a PSP full of pron.
Syn's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 14:55
Syn
It came with PICTURES!? Pictures are BORING
Grimspoon's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 15:45
Grimspoon
She paid for a new PSP, she should get a new PSP. Unless the game was worth ~80-90 dollars they are basically ripping her off. Exposing the kid to porn is just adding hilarious insult to injury.
Johnny Justice's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 15:46
Johnny Justice
Reminds me of how I got my PS3. It was repossessed from the previous owner and came with some crappy music and girl on girl HD snaps. There were only two images but the thing was great is that the guy had one as his wallpaper.
LsTr Of SmG's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 16:27
LsTr Of SmG
I bought a second hand spare harddrive for my 360 the other day and almost died laughing when, upon plugging it in, I was greeted by 7.8gb of gangster rap and staggering 4gb of porn.

Good times.
Ace Flibble's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 16:30
Ace Flibble
I was thinking of getting a PSP soon, this has convinced me.
zgerhard's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/14/2009 16:37
zgerhard
One time a customer wanted to trade in his PS2 so (yes, I work at _that_ retailer) I plugged it in and opened the disc tray... only to find a porn dvd. I gave it back to him and said "I'm sure you'd want to keep this" but he freaked out and was like "oh that aint mine I dont know how that got in there, just throw it out for me" blah blah blah.

Fun stuff.
The-Excel's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/15/2009 20:37
The-Excel
Those of you with avatars hosted on ImageShack should take a closer look at them.
Wintersocks's Avatar - Comment posted on 04/16/2009 07:49
Wintersocks
My Hp laptop came pre-packaged with a USB dildo.

My roommate found a playboy from 1993 in his PS3 box.

I hope this becomes a trend
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