Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android


Lost Planet proves that humans are dicks


2:45 PM on 01.12.2007



 Jackass Lost Planet

Lost Planet is out today, first of all. Second of all, I'm only a few hours into it (for Destructoid's impression, look for a comprehensive multi-author review in a couple of weeks), and I already detest the human race.

The plot basically goes like this:

1. Humans get bored of Earth and leave.

2. Humans land on a planet made almost entirely of ice, where the temperatures are so low that any reasonable species would never set foot there in the first place.

3. The aliens who originally lived on the planet attempt to defend it from this unprovoked invasion force.

4. The humans bring in machine guns, rocket launchers, and mechs to exterminate every last one of the planet's original inhabitants.

There's a bit more after the jump, to keep the home page looking trim.

Way to go, mankind! Not only is the game stylistically identical to the movie Starship Troopers, it's thematically indistinguishable as well!

When I say that the humans got "bored" of Earth, I'm not exaggerating: the prologue states nothing about Earth dying, or getting too crowded, or anything like that. In the future, mankind just up and decides to move to an uninhabitable planet and kill every life form on it. Just for fun.

Additionally, there's the space pirates; evidently, they were left behind once the humans fled the new planet (to rearm), and they've decided to exact their revenge by killing pretty much anything they see (assuming they can hit it, anyway). The presence of the space pirates shows mankind's inhumanity not only to the bugs, but to mankind, as well -- what kind of race leaves a fraction of their brothers on a freezing alien planet while everybody else goes to find more guns? Having to kill these space pirates as the main character should make you feel very, very dirty. 

So feel free to play and enjoy it, but know this: in doing so, you are supporting a human race whose overall goals are nigh-indistinguishable from those of the Nazis so many years ago. Assuming you replace Jews with bugs, anyway.

Lost Planet proves that humans are dicks photo





Comments not appearing? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this.
Easy fix: Add   [*].disqus.com   to your software's white list. Tada! Happy comments time again.

Did you know? You can now get daily or weekly email notifications when humans reply to your comments.







Capcom

11:04 AM on 03.23.2015
Details revealed for Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition, including three new playable characters

Hot damn! It's about time we got an info drop for Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition, a remake that made headlines with the inclusion of Vergil into the mix. The PlayStation Blog has spilled the beans on pretty much everything...more



10:00 AM on 03.19.2015
Rockman Gigamix will get a reprint next month in Japan

Earlier this year we reported that the Rockman Megamix manga series would be getting a reprint in Japan. Now, creator Hitoshi Ariga has moved on to the subsequent Gigamix series, and has also confirmed a reprint for April.&nb...more



2:02 AM on 03.17.2015
Resident Evil Revelations 2's extra episodes are fun, but non-essential

As you might be aware, Capcom is taking a really weird approach to Resident Evil: Revelations 2. In addition to bringing in an episodic format, they've also hitched two secretive "extra episodes" to the package, exclusive to ...more



View all Capcom






Back to Top




All content is yours to recycle through our Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing requiring attribution. Our communities are obsessed with videoGames, movies, anime, and toys.

Living the dream since March 16, 2006

Advertising on destructoid is available: Please contact them to learn more