Quantcast
Lost Planet proves that humans are dicks - Destructoid




Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android


Lost Planet proves that humans are dicks


2:45 PM on 01.12.2007



 Jackass Lost Planet

Lost Planet is out today, first of all. Second of all, I'm only a few hours into it (for Destructoid's impression, look for a comprehensive multi-author review in a couple of weeks), and I already detest the human race.

The plot basically goes like this:

1. Humans get bored of Earth and leave.

2. Humans land on a planet made almost entirely of ice, where the temperatures are so low that any reasonable species would never set foot there in the first place.

3. The aliens who originally lived on the planet attempt to defend it from this unprovoked invasion force.

4. The humans bring in machine guns, rocket launchers, and mechs to exterminate every last one of the planet's original inhabitants.

There's a bit more after the jump, to keep the home page looking trim.

Way to go, mankind! Not only is the game stylistically identical to the movie Starship Troopers, it's thematically indistinguishable as well!

When I say that the humans got "bored" of Earth, I'm not exaggerating: the prologue states nothing about Earth dying, or getting too crowded, or anything like that. In the future, mankind just up and decides to move to an uninhabitable planet and kill every life form on it. Just for fun.

Additionally, there's the space pirates; evidently, they were left behind once the humans fled the new planet (to rearm), and they've decided to exact their revenge by killing pretty much anything they see (assuming they can hit it, anyway). The presence of the space pirates shows mankind's inhumanity not only to the bugs, but to mankind, as well -- what kind of race leaves a fraction of their brothers on a freezing alien planet while everybody else goes to find more guns? Having to kill these space pirates as the main character should make you feel very, very dirty. 

So feel free to play and enjoy it, but know this: in doing so, you are supporting a human race whose overall goals are nigh-indistinguishable from those of the Nazis so many years ago. Assuming you replace Jews with bugs, anyway.

Lost Planet proves that humans are dicks photo





Comments not appearing? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this.
Easy fix: Add   [*].disqus.com   to your software's white list. Tada! Happy comments time again.

Did you know? You can now get daily or weekly email notifications when humans reply to your comments.







Capcom

8:00 AM on 09.19.2014
Resident Evil: Revelations 2 raises more questions than answers

My time with Resident Evil: Revelations 2 at Tokyo Game Show was brief -- maybe 20 minutes if we're being generous. Swiftly dumped into the beginning of the game, I was left to try to unravel the mystery of what exactly ...more



1:45 PM on 09.18.2014
Sonic x Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate is, uh, yeah...

Admittedly, this collaboration is slightly less horrifying once you realize it's a Felyne (or Palico, if you want to be precise) wearing Sonic the Hedgehog armor. Slightly. Still, I think this tops the sexy/stretchy fan art f...more



12:00 PM on 09.18.2014
This new TGS Deep Down Japanese trailer is in English

I know a lot of people have no faith in Capcom these days, but Deep Down looks interesting to me every time I see it. It doesn't look quite as good as a Souls game mechanically, but I'll take everything I can get i...more



View all Capcom






Back to Top




All content is yours to recycle through our Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing requiring attribution. Our communities are obsessed with videoGames, movies, anime, and toys.

Living the dream since March 16, 2006

Advertising on destructoid is available: Please contact them to learn more