hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts

Little Niero would have cut your throat for a cartridge

7:50 PM on 02.23.2012 // Niero Desu

I like beef, so I eat it sometimes. It's too much work for a lazy blogger go kill and roast an animal in the woods, so I'm glad that there's a place that shapes it into squares, then puts it on bread and cheese. It's called Wendy's and they're helping Destructoid pay the bills this month once again (thank you). Go throw your money at them.

Better yet, convince them to give you $5,000. You can win it in their "Where's the Beef" T-Shirt making contest, which is based on an old ad campaign that was running when I was about ten years old.  

You know, before the Internet. Yeah, I'm a dinosaur. Do you know what I had to do to buy videogames when I was little? Oh man, was I ever a young and bastardly entrepreneur.

Back in the dark ages, I ran a pen-and-paper video game club at my school called The Nintendo Force, or something equally mortifying ... but in the late 80's it was also a nerdy symbol of status. If you still only had an Atari, then your parents probably hated you and wanted you to die alone.

There was only one thing arguably worse: being stuck with only copies of Gyromite and Duck Hunt with an unquenchable thirst for a gamer's life that you could not afford, as magazines began to appear with middle-class kids in skateboarding apparel hugging their mountains of games with pasty faces. I wanted to be a pastier. The pastiest, if possible! For you 90's babies, imagine owning PlayStation and having to play Bubsy 3D on loop for a fiscal quarter. It's no way to go through life. 

My parents didn't believe in allowance. The concept was so foreign to them that they actually laughed at me. Extorting my grandparents for dollars, digging through the sofa and drawers for change, and gradually syphoning lunch money was taking too long. What kind of a reputable video game club only plays one video game for months? It was a disaster! There was only enough tape-trading you could do with neighborhood kids before you end up trading Double Dragon for Clu-Clu-Land, then again for Urban Champion out of desperation. This was not sustainable.

On the wise advice of a neighbor we turned to knocking on doors and asking people if we could wash their cars. My best friend and I had three consistent clients (namely, our parents and the wise neighbor) each willing to pony up a whopping $5 dollars for a full-service wash and tire shine. This would take us hours and, when split between us and factoring costs of materials, was a total waste of a weekend. Like the great men that founded this country I ultimately gave up on actually doing the work myself and resorted to capitalism and robbery. Had any siblings slavery would not have been above me. I tried selling Kool-Aid once but parking lot dust got in it.

After acquiring an audiotape at a book fair called "The Buck Starts Here" I learned the power of the sale.  It taught me that if I purchased packs of Garbage Pail Kids in bulk and used bags of G.I. Joe action figures from the Thrift Shop, I could sell them for double what I paid by selling them one by one at school. Kids had loose dollars, it was just a matter of figuring out how to collect them. (The Japanese call this process "Pokemon").  Ultimately I got greedy and would look for things my parents could innocently purchase and that I could resell.  Margins are higher if your supply comes free! I did this with school supplies, baseball cards, chocolates, and even a 6-pack of cereal once. Perhaps the most preposterous thing was attend a big family wedding and rob each table of its plastic gold rings, a party favor, and sell them for a quarter each to susceptible older girls on the tether ball courts.

Yeah, I went there. 

On one hand I hated being so hungry. On the other hand, there was a certain magic about it. When I would get my hands on a new game it was like having a new lease on life. I would read the instruction books from cover-to-cover over and over (Kid Icarus was amongst my favorites). The damn ride home from the toy store felt longer. The art of trying not to crease the box while bouncing around the back seat to sneak an early peek of your conquest!  The mystery and weeks of anticipation and sweat equity to discover if the game you've carefully selected will not suck, for the concept of game demos would not appear for another decade! Thus, I got really good at picking my games.

Anyway, this story has a happy ending as Wendy's is indirectly buying my next game, and I worked for it this time!  I've so many games now that I can't give them away fast enough, much less play them all. Sucks to be me, right? 

Did you hustle for your video game purchases before you had a big boy job? Share your old-timer stories in the comments below!


Sponsored by Wendy’s. Design your own Wendy’s® Tee on Facebook for a chance to win $5,000! Click here to enter.

+Amount pertaining to cash prize only
**T-shirts sold by Homage LLC under license from Wendy’s International Inc. $4.25 of each Wendys Threads t-shirt sold through 3/31/12 will be donated to Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.


Photo Gallery: (3 images)
Click to zoom - browse by swipe, or use arrow keys

Niero Desu, Blogsmith
 Follow Blog + disclosure destructoid Tips
Top 10 things you didn't know about me: (1) I'm a volunteer English teacher on weekends, (2) my first real job was drawing comics for a major newspaper, (3) my favorite console is the Super Ninte... more   |   staff directory

 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our moderators, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding * to your whitelists.

Status updates from C-bloggers

Snaveage avatarSnaveage
Phantom Pain is fucking glorious.
IDrawOnTape avatarIDrawOnTape
Anyone remember the cartoon "Freakazoid"? I'm doing artwork for a box for work to hold my supplies, but I cant remember some of the better characters. Freakazoid, Steph, Cosgrove, Candlejack, the Lobe, Caveguy... but who else?
TheAngriestCarp avatarTheAngriestCarp
Gotta love all those Dtoid community members that magically appear whenever there's a giveaway.
DSBrad avatarDSBrad
Newest Madden may be one of my favorites. Been taking all my time up.
TheDefenestrator avatarTheDefenestrator
TWITCHTOID! I'll be playing some more PS4 Zombi and then some Until Dawn if'n I want to change things up. Link: [url=] TheDefenestrator[/url]
Fenriff avatarFenriff
Bless Wasteland 2's custom portraits [img][/img]
James Internet Ego avatarJames Internet Ego
Sorting out a bunch of university stuff and going through a bit of writers block. I'm also holding some of my best stuff back for freelancing purposes (uni ain't cheap!), so sorry if my blogs have been a bit lackluster lately. And will be for 4-ish weeks.
gajknight avatargajknight
Been looking for a car to buy today. I swear, I am so sick of my mums voice. "It's too expensive!" "Don't you think it's a little big..." "INSURANCE!" Goddamn woman, chill your beans.
ChillyBilly avatarChillyBilly
Hey look! I bought some toys and stuff and junk and what-not. [IMG][/IMG]
CJ Andriessen avatarCJ Andriessen
Yes, it's essentially a trace job, but this is my first piece of pixel art: [img][/img]
CJ Andriessen avatarCJ Andriessen
Oh for fuck's sake, why is there no Netflix app for my PSTV?
Zenbrains avatarZenbrains
A new fun game for iOS and Android devices. Featuring a beautiful minimalistic design and an easy gesture based interface. Hope you'll like it. [url][/url] [img][/img]
Ben Davis avatarBen Davis
Apologies for the lack of Experience Points lately! I'm taking a short break from writing them, but don't worry. They'll be back soon enough!
RexterNathan avatarRexterNathan
Am I the only one excited to play the Forza Motorsport 6 demo?
The Travisionist avatarThe Travisionist
Adventure games are a big part of the indie scene, but there's a reason their popularity plummeted as graphics evolved. This clicking on everything, just in case, nonsense is for the birds. 90s birds, but birds.
Flegma avatarFlegma
Spotted some "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3" (1989) DVDs in a store. Hearing music and sound effects from the game is more amusing than it should be - although the running shrill gets old quickly.
extatix avatarextatix
Diablo 3 patch 2.3.0 equals more grinding. Good.
BaronVonSnakPak avatarBaronVonSnakPak
Funny coincidence: Last week saw the release of Until Dawn, which talked about a Canadian tribe of Native Americans called the Cree,and last night a Cree woman (Ms. Canada) won the Ms. Universe contest. Butterfly Effect updated.
MeeGhoulz avatarMeeGhoulz
Playing UNTIL DAWN 1st time:I'm alright with QTE,but an option to use direction as choices instead of buttons poppin' on screen would be welcome!Also:NO SHINY ITENS TO INDICATE CLUES!LET ME DISCOVER THEM!All in all,it's fun enough...
IDrawOnTape avatarIDrawOnTape
If I was to play through the NES library, besides being madness, what order do I do it? Alphabetically or Release date-wise? Whats the Dtoid universe think?
more quickposts



Invert site colors

  Dark Theme
  Light Theme

Destructoid means family.
Living the dream, since 2006

Pssst. konami code + enter

modernmethod logo

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -