For the rest of you that are land-locked in a shit job/college and never go to gaming events but want one, we can order you extra for Just $10 (plus shipping). They're high quality sweatshop-free uber comfortable combed-cotton shirts from American Apparel in Los Angeles, CA MFUSA. "No CafePress crap!" We'll also throw in some glossy Dtoid 3x3 stickers to vandalize property with. SHIRTS ARE AVAILABLE IN SMALL, MEDIUM, LARGE, XL, AND WAFFLE HOUSE XXL.
How do I order more than 1 without getting raped on shipping?
I have no idea, Paypal's system is confusing as hell. Just order as many as you'd like and I'll immediately refund you 3 dollars immediately for each extra shirt purchased until we can figure it out. Extra shirts are only $1 more to ship.
F*ck Paypal and I have no credit cards!
No prob, send us dollars (US currency please!) or checks and we'll hook it up. Make checks payable to Destructoid and include your shirt size
780 NE 69 St, suite 708
Miami, FL 33138
What if I have a fancy accent and want international shipping?
International cocks! Shipping is now available worldwide via Global Priority which is like $9.50 for a large envelope. It works out to 7 Euros for shipping, so roughly 14 Euros altogether. Bloody cheap!
I haven't gotten it yet! Where the f*ck is my shirt? RAWR?
Chill, holmes. Email me at niero [at] destructoid.com for a status anytime. It typically takes 2-3 weeks to get the shirts out. They are selling faster than we can ship them. What's wrong with you people? You've been reading Destructoid way too long. We love you.
What if I hate the shirt?
Well (A) You suck and (B) Just send it back for a full refund, no questions asked. But! If you wear it once, sweat in it, and send it back for a refund I will mail you back a picture of my balls instead. Be nice and don't abuse our awesome open store policies and humbling best-practice customer service skillz.
Shirts for extra fat and super f*ckin tall people?
We love you too. Shirts are available in XL and XXL as well now.
OH NOES are you sold out?
Relax. We'll keep ordering them for everyone that wants one. When orders slow down we'll mark it sold out. We like the idea of limited edition shirts so people that didn't understand how impossibly cool this shirt is will regret passing on it for the rest of their lives.
Why isn't Summa wearing one? Why isn't he inside of me?
At the time of this article we haven't seen the first batch yet, but we'll get photos of our editors in it soon. We also can't afford our own emasculated male models, so the picture up top is actually a temporary mockup. The ash-colored shirt says "Also Cocks" in tan and the little sliver in between says Destructoid. That's kind of the beauty of the shirt -- only people in the know will get it. Plus the fact that he's gesturing at a giant implied robopenis, hands fanning.
Can I send you a picture of me modelling it?
Of course! Action shots are very appreciated and will be added to this page in a gallery. Send them in!!! We'd love to see what you people look like (shifty eyes). Especially the ladies. Always the ladies.
What about my large, generous, bouncy breasts?
Women, please be warned that guys will get VERY close to your boobs to read the fine print on it, and that is what their good excuse will be. The shirts are cotton, and yes, they will squeeze and hug your breasts wonderfully. We made sure of this.
Where does my money go?
All profits are donated to The Workman Foundation for special chilluns. Ron spends countless hours working on the site for the love of it, so when you buy a shirt, you're paying for Ron's next Mountain Dew. Seriously that's all he eats, we think. A small portion of your money also goes towards the free shirts we give away, so you're also buying a free shirt for another gamer. Capitalism meets Socialism, only on Destructoid.
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