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Life in a video game: the pros and cons - Destructoid




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Life in a video game: the pros and cons photo
Life in a video game: the pros and cons

6:31 AM on 06.14.2007


What if tomorrow morning you woke up and your life was exactly like your favorite video game?

What would you look forward to doing first? Would you drive down the I-90 in your Pontiac Sunfire at 100mph with no regard for traffic laws or your own life, or would you travel cross country killing monsters and rescuing damsels in distress in order to get laid?

Oh the possibilities would be endless, but what about the bad points of living in a video game world? Imagine getting stuck in a rock for an hour because of a glitch in the matrix or being forced to kill a monster every friggn' five minutes just to get to McDonalds for a Big Mac.

Well, hit the jump for a list of the 10 pros and cons of living in a video game world and then you can decide whether it would be worth living in a virtual world.

Pros:

1. Death is no longer permanent. No matter how many times you die, there will always be a reset button, extra life, continue or save and load spot available. Screw up as much as you want in life. You can always reload your life from a previous point or re-spawn again for another chance at life.

2. Killing people would be easy. Don't like your boss? Take him out with a head shot and don't worry about any repercussions, because you'll never get in trouble for killing anyone. Best of all, after they die, the body will just disappear. No body, no clean up.

3. Power ups. Didn't get any sleep last night? Burning the candle at both ends? Grab a power up item and watch your energy level return. Also the bonus of power ups is that they provide you with cool powers, magic or inventory items. No cash required.

4. Best looking body in the game. That's right. Heroes and heroines always have the best looks out of all the characters -- never worry about being ugly again. Ladies, gravity resistant boobs are also available without the worries of them getting in your way while fighting. You can even use the character maker screen to change your looks, if you would rather look like an orc in order to scare the bajesus out of your friends.

5. Unlimited inventory room. You'll be able to carry as many weapons or items you want without ever running out of inventory room or collapsing under their weight. Sure, you may look a little funny with an axe sticking out of your pocket, but who cares? You can carry an arsenal in your fanny pack.

6. Always getting the babe. That's right, gentlemen. Acts of daily bravery will help you score with the ladies. No more looking like a geek when you tell a hottie that you're a level 70 Dark Elf. The ladies will literally jump into your arms, especially if you save them from being raped by Bowser.

7. Being able to perform the most amazing, impossible tasks without losing any limbs or teeth. You'll be able to scale walls with ease, jump large distances over pits and take out small armies simply by performing a spin attack. Cool, huh? Flying over large distances will probably be the best power of all though.

8. Free stuff available everywhere. Food, weapons, clothes, gold and everything else you need to get through life will be available for free in barrels, on the ground, and in people's homes. Best of all, no one will accuse you of stealing. Sure, they will be stores to buy other goods in but kill enough enemies or latte drinking business men and the gold will be yours in no time. Better than working at McDonalds for it.

9. Status Meters. You'll be able to know when you're moments away from death and grab a potion before you expire. Magic, weapons, and items will be interchangeable without even looking in your inventory. Everything about you will be available in your view at all times. “Oops, my sperm level is low. Perhaps I better stop banging all the DOA chicks before I go limp.”

10. Cheat codes. Basically you’d have the ability to do whatever the hell you want with just the right button sequence. Flying, endless health points, killing people with one hit or a horde of potions the size of your house. Of course, you have to find the codes first though and hoard them away from your friends, so they don’t have the ability to input codes too.

Cons:

1. Monsters, monsters and more monsters. Everywhere you go in the world, there will be monsters and you'll spend more time killing them or running away from them than going pee or showering.

2. Annoying music. All day long you’ll have to listen to your theme music playing unless you go into a shop or a dungeon, then you’ll be treated to different annoying music. You better hope to God that someone didn’t program your life game with midi themes or you’ll never be sane again.

3. Freeze ups. Imagine walking down the street and the whole world freezes up. Hitting your reset button and waiting for the world to reboot would be a real pain in the butt, especially if it’s the tenth time that day and you’re late for work.

4. Invisible walls. You thought living in a small town was bad, wait until you find out that the game developers of your video game life deciding to limit your world to just your small town. You can see the highway but your car can’t actually get on the on ramp to get to it because there’s an invisible wall to keep you within your town.

5. Glitches. You are kicking some big, bad boss's butt and suddenly he gets caught in a wall and you can’t finish him off. Imagine having to get a sledge hammer just to get the boss out of the wall. Fun, huh?

6. Single Storyline. Instead of being able to do anything and go anywhere you wish, your game life was programmed with a single plot line which you must follow to the letter. No bathroom stops, no time for sex with your hot sidekick and no time to watch some TV. You can’t even kill the annoying wise man who keeps asking you to save the world over and over again. “I SAID, NO! DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME, OLD MAN?!”

7. People asking you for gold or items. The auction house would be a sea of people asking for money or items. “Can I borrow your armor? I’m going on a raid tonight and my armor just doesn’t fit right any more.” “Hey, can I get 500 gold coins from you? I really need to buy that power band and I’m a little short.”

8. Microtransactions. Every game has them; stupid microtransactions that require you to pay for new adventures, expansions, horse armor or spells. Think of them like the taxes of the real world. Never ending and not really worth what you get for them.

9. Looking like a girl when you’re a guy. Lucky you! You get stuck in a Square-Enix game and have to go around looking like a dark and brooding pretty boy for the rest of your life. Better buy a big sword to make up for your rich, conditioned hair otherwise the enemies are going to laugh at you.

10. Dangerous Terrain. If you stay within the borders of your city, then you’ll be fine but leave the city and you’ll be faced with dark and scary forests, lava pits, caves, dungeons and icy mountain ranges. Better pack a survival kit because these places don’t have a Holiday Inn.






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