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Let us give thanks to the Nintendo Parakeet
It is Thanksgiving Day, that day we celebrate Christopher Columbus sailing to Nazareth in a gigantic turkey, and we are to be grateful for all the wonderful things that have happened at us over the course of our short, and ultimately pathetic, lives. As a gamer, I am particularly thankful for the Nintendo Parakeet, the oft-overlooked mascot of the Nintendo DS' voice recording features. Appearing in DSi Sound, and joined by two of his friends in 3DS Sound, the Nintendo Parakeet has acted as a faithful guardian of children the world over, watching with stoic patience as 8-year-olds make "hilarious" noises into their portable consoles and play with the settings to make the voice go deep. Or, more importantly, keeping its beak shut as they say "fuck" or "fuckhouse" in their bedrooms where the parents can't hear them. The Parakeet has heard your son or daughter say "fuckhouse," but he'll never tell. He'll never tell. Be thankful for the Parakeet's silent vigil.
"Be good this year, or the Nintendo Parakeet won't visit to bring you sweetmeats and spices from the New Continent," I tell my son, Franco. "I will be good, Papa," he answers. "Reggie bless the Nintendo Parakeet, and the fabulous silks he has brought us from Eastern lands. May I not anger him, lest he only leave copies of Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified under the Parakeetmas Palm Tree this year" On this day of thanks -- or as we call it, Parakeetsgiving -- we remember all that the Nintendo Parakeet has done for us. We thank it for allowing us to use our DSi to make us sound a bit like Starscream off Transformers or Dr. Claw off Inspector Gadget. We are grateful that it is yellow and green, which is a bit like the Sundrop logo, and it reminds us of that amusing commercial where the woman is dancing all over the place. We thank it for never showing its envy when fools talk only of Mario or Link, but overlook, with criminal negligence, that which should be the most iconic Nintendo character of them all. We know it belongs in Super Smash Bros. as the most overpowered fighter in the game (but allowed in tournaments anyways because it's the fucking Parakeet), but it does not say these things itself. It does not demand. It only serves. And we are thankful. Most of all, we thank it simply for being the Nintendo Parakeet. Thank you Parakeet, and I am sorry my Pumpkin carving was so shit this Paroween. Did you know? You can now get daily or weekly email notifications when humans reply to your comments.
1:39 PM on 05.23.2013 Brand new Shin Megami Tensei IV trailer for you samuraiWe have a brand new trailer for Atlus' upcoming 3DS RPG Shin Megami Tensei IV. This one shows off a bit of gameplay and battling in an overview of the game, putting you into the shoes of a new samurai recruit. The informatio...
12:45 PM on 05.23.2013 This Toriko Gourmet ga Battle trailer is insaneThe four player brawler Toriko Gourmet ga Battle has a new trailer today, and it's pretty damn crazy. Among the highlights are fighting giant dinosaurs, roaming beanstalk laden locales, eating tons of food to level up RPG-li...
10:45 AM on 05.23.2013 Fantasy Life will be getting an expansion in JapanReaders know that I've been clamoring for an international release of Fantasy Life for quite some time. As a roaring success in Japan, Level-5 has already seen fit to update the game, calling the enhancement Fantasy Life Link...
8:45 AM on 05.23.2013 Nintendo Download: Kirby's Dream Land 3, Super StarIt's a puff ball kind of week, as three Kirby games are hitting the Wii U Virtual Console -- Kirby's Dream Land 3, Kirby Super Star, and Kirby's Dream Course. If you buy two of the aforementioned titles by May 30th, you'll ge...
7:00 AM on 05.23.2013 Monster Hunter would be way better if it was like thisSure, the meme is a bit old but the added sound effects to the Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate video is what really made this spoof for me. Bravo, Capcom-Unity. [Thanks, Dale!]
4:00 AM on 05.23.2013 Awakening was almost the last Fire Emblem gameFire Emblem: Awakening surprised just about everyone with its critical and commercial success. In Japan, the 3DS strategy RPG had sold over 400K units through June 2012, and it's likely continued to grow since then. In the US...
9:30 PM on 05.21.2013 A bear will stare at you in 3DHow is the Xbox One going to sell in Japan? If the new console's version of Kinect is anything like the current version of the peripheral, then probably not too good. Not to sound racist, but Japanese living rooms aren't know...
8:00 AM on 05.21.2013 WayForward: Shantae dances to Nintendo 3DS on June 20The original Shantae is coming to Nintendo 3DS Virtual Console on June 20, WayForward has announced. Originally released in the dying days of the Game Boy Color, the acclaimed platformer managed to garner a pair of seque...
2:45 PM on 05.20.2013 New releases: Monkey around in Donkey Kong 3DFor the love of god, somebody get me a 3DS. I made the unfortunate mistake of backing the wrong Nintendo console, grabbing a Wii U late last year, when I should have put my eggs in the portable basket. Now I'm not able to pl...
10:30 AM on 05.20.2013 Nintendo Download Europe: Kirby and Donkey KongEuropeans have a lot to look forward to today, as Kirby's Dream Course (one of my favorite Kirby games) and Kirby Super Star (one of the best platformers of all time) headline the Wii U Virtual Console. If you own Kirby's Adv...
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