A recent FileFront editorial treats a topic near and dear to all our hearts -- boobs in video games. However, even though the article's author identifies himself as "someone who enjoys eye candy as much as the next man," he then thrusts the blade of betrayal into our breasts by positing that there's actually something bad about the cutting-edge advancements in breast physics.

Um, dude? What's wrong with you?

The article suggests that the mammiferous undulations of bountiful bosoms cresting corpulent crescendoes in our video games might "set unrealistic expectations for young male gamers when they actually encounter the real thing." Someone might want to point out to this guy that breasts in video games are clothed, at least to some extent, and no more graphic than what we might see at the beach. To suggest that gamers never see clothed breasts is tantamount to the rather insulting stereotype of gamers as people who never go outside -- a sentiment the article supports by referencing "the huge number of game designers who simply never got out of the office enough to interact with real women."

The article continues:

The growing ranks of GRRL gamers out there (well most of them anyway) want interesting stories, social dynamics and good action and so should the guys - it's too bad game developers keep delivering breast physics as an answer.

 Why can't we have both? ...And did he just call me a GRRL?

"How can any real female ever hope to live up to the fantastic behavior of these modeled mammaries?" the author wants to know.

Well, buddy, I'm not inviting you to play Wii Sports at my house, so you'll just have to wonder.

Legacy Comments (will be imported soon)

xBBx

All of my girlfriends in my life have been well endowed... I blame video games for my enjoyment of big boobs!

Yashoki

I actually like smaller boobs thanks to Video games. Cow tits FTL.

UNDERSTAR

I luv them big but I dont discriminate small b00bs. Its all bout the personality that girls have and sometimes theyre bank account too!

UNDERSTAR

I luv them big but I dont discriminate small b00bs. Its all bout the personality that girls have and sometimes theyre bank account too!

UNDERSTAR

I luv them big but I dont discriminate small b00bs. Its all bout the personality that girls have and sometimes theyre bank account too!

xBBx

@understar: Big boobs...great personality...and rich? And I thought I had some high standards. You my friend need to learn how to prioritize.

UNDERSTAR

^^^^^
I didnt do it.

PappaDukes

Wow, uderstar really luvs them big. Either that or his jimmy-finger spazzed out on the add comment button. Anywho, I still don't get what's so unrealistic about video game breasts. I've never known a single woman that didn't have torpedoes for tits. KIDDING. But seriously, I am one of those guys that doesn't get into overly large breasts. Or even large breast for that matter. Call me old fashioned...

ShawnS

I see I missed my mark:)

The piece was intended as parody.

Maybe I did too good a job sounding like the people I was trying to lampoon.

Shawn

PappaDukes

Wow, uderstar really luvs them big. Either that or his jimmy-finger spazzed out on the add comment button. Anywho, I still don't get what's so unrealistic about video game breasts. I've never known a single woman that didn't have torpedoes for tits. KIDDING. But seriously, I am one of those guys that doesn't get into overly large breasts. Or even large breast for that matter. Call me old fashioned...

xBBx

That reminds me, anyone play Ninja Gaiden Sigma? There are times Rachel's breasts are taking up the entire screen... and jiggling to annoying levels where even I begin to question if it's really necessary.

UNDERSTAR

Speaking bout fake big b00bs,(DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!)
http://www.farangdingdong.com/

PappaDukes

ok, I think someone hijacked Dtoid. Or Niero is hitting the sauce again... either way, these posts are jacked.

ShawnS

Leigh: You did? It doesn't read that way above.

UNDERSTAR

@PappaDukes
And I thought I was smoking way to much weed right now!

PappaDukes

@understar: no such thang as smoking too much weed. NEVAR!

Rockvillian

Boobs to the EXTREEEEEME!

(SFW link)

StriderS

Uh...isn't a big part of gaming all about doing and having what you can't IRL?

Tron Knotts

I think the point is that when game developers put boob physics before other more important aspects of a game, then the game has wacked priorities.

I totally agree with that. Boob physics, or physics in general, are way down on my list of things that matter to me in game, right next to historical accuracy and HD.

dayeight

not very proud of this one, but seemed like a good idea at the time: Cinematech's Salute to Breasts
http://www.gametrailers.com/player/usermovies/27371.html

Did this one for the C:Nocturnal Emissions show, which is the worst title ever. I know.

xBBx

Did we all forget Dead or Alive Xtreme 2? That had some great boob physics, but sweet jesus, I never returned a GameFly game the same day I received it before. But I couldn't get that game to the post office fast enough!

linuxguy

when will they reach the awesomeness level of altair78's avatar

DeusPayne

Cowtits ftl indeed. I enjoy my breast physics in games, by in real life, the floppier, the sloppier... er... yeah. I like how the article is nothing more than a rehashed "BARBIE IS DESTROYING GIRLS EVERYWHERE!" shit that used to fly around. People will write anything to make a quick buck, even if it's completely and udder (PUN!) bullshit.

SLiFE

I love the author's use of the term "GRRL gamers."

Way to stereotype, jackhole.

Altair78

I posted just because of my avatar... since it fits so perfectly on this thread.

Thank you... goodnight.

wdsnizek

I'm not saying I don't enjoy big boobs.. I mean who doesn't.. but I like regular average size women too.. i basically like all women and think games need to more accurately portray them. I'm sure you guys are going to jump on me for saying that.

ShawnS

Leigh: Well we can argue that all day I guess. Thanks for the link.

Oew

http://jcmc.indiana.edu/vol11/issue4/hartmann.html

Most women don't like over-sexualized female characters in video games. Sorry, Leigh, you're the exception. :[

ShawnS

Leigh: Well we can argue that all day I guess. Thanks for the link.

Tino

So, since he isn't can I come by and play Wii Sports at your place?

Rhythm

While I can empathize with Leigh's opinion on the topic, it was pretty obvious Shawn was making more of a sneering gesture towards those people who view these little details as 'ills of the world'.

Also Leigh, I'm envious of your vocabulary - and your ph4t alliteration skills.

Pangloss

"The moral of this story, kids, is that you can't read sarcasm on the internets. Unless, at the end of your article, you add," he said sardonically.

generaldane

i love them just like how they are depicted in my avatar

electroplankton

Boobs suck. It's all about wangs. Yeah that's right. I said it.

Kyousuke Nanbu

Even though this is a joke, some girls gamers do complain about this.

I think its quite funny, all of the male protagonists in RPG's and other games are fit and pretty men yet you don't see guys bitching about having to play with sexy bishies.

Maurice Tan

First a discusson on boos, and then:

"Parody doesn't work if you vacillate between sincerity and hyperbole-- that's just weak use of language"

Somewhere between vacillate and sincerity I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!

Maurice Tan

Boooooooooooooooooooo_s! /mode +b

SniperFodder

@Liegh
You like smaller boobs and breast physics?

Nobody else thinks that's hot? Just me?

SniperFodder

I fail at english

Ritalin Twitch

Lets face it guys, if it wasn't for boobs we'd never buy a house. And thats strictly because if you live in a cardboard box, no chick would ever show you hers. The lengths we go to for a little milk silo action....

Now put em on my head while I drink this beer.It helps me think.

SniperFodder

All I can say is...damn. I gotta go.

TheBrain

Wait, what?

You encourage the objectifying of women in videogames and the continuation of society's propensity for making young women feel inadequate? Large breasts are truly a great thing, but the proportions in games are just insane and the percentage of large breasted game characters is ridiculous. I tend not to complain due to an instinctual appreciation for enlarged juggies, but I do sense that it does not set a good example for anyone. I wouldn't want a daughter or a son of mine playing Dead or Alive, for example. Low self esteem and unrealistic expectations aren't feelings I wish to foster.

Tron Knotts

Leigh- Are you just "identifying with the oppressor" by objectifying video game boob women? It's ok if you are. I'm not here to judge.

In fact...

Sharpless

I think it would be easier for me to number and name the types of breasts that I DON'T like. In other words, I love almost all of them. They've got to be pretty awful-looking for me to say no to them. Breasts are just fantastic creations. I really couldn't care less about their video game representation, though. Bouncy physics are (is?) always a hoot, but I don't need it.

Leigh Alexander: +36 - YOU HAVE GAINED A LEVEL

SniperFodder

All I can say is I'm glad they don't publish games where the guys have ginormous wangs running around on screen. That would just be gross.

Churchhills Dog

We need more chicks like Leigh.

Thats all I'm sayin'

TheBrain

If you present triple E as the ideal cup size, and this is repeated in all forms of media, not just videogames, it will have an effect. It isn't about how we treat people, its about how people feel about themselves. Going beyond breasts, it is quite obvious that an intense focus on thin models and actresses plays a role in disorders such as anorexia. It does take strength of character to be comfortable with who you are and immune to such influence, as you seem to be, but I still find it disheartening when people encourage it.

Sorry to put a downer on what seemed to be a carefree and amusing article, but my soapbox sometimes seems to be glued to my feet.

SniperFodder

@Churchhills Dog

Amen.

BlackbeardonGuitar

Seriously, what the fuck, who cares, any breats work for me, but hilariously large ones are funnier. I don't play videogames to replicate the real world, I play them for the exact opposite, because shit can be pulled off that you can't do in the real world. That's why I hate any game that makes you eat fucking food, I know how to eat, it's pretty fucking simple, pushing buttons to make it happen sucks. But I digress, boobs of all sizes are welcome at my door. I'm open-minded. And this truly is a brave new world. All hail breasts.

SniperFodder

All hail breasts!

Woot!