You should admire "Crash Course," the new versus-focused bit of Left 4 Dead DLC, for several reasons. A few of those are obvious -- it's free, it's well-paced, etcetera -- but I was awfully surprised to see some wonderfully message board-esque humor adorning the walls of the campaign's second saferoom.
You can see a larger picture in the gallery below, but it seems that more than a few trolls survived Crash Course before Zoey and Francis ever showed up. Reacting to a heart-wrenchingly genuine farewell poem written by a woman named Alison to her deceased loved one, Jonathan, numerous other survivors reply with comments worthy of the /b/ message board: "QQ," one reads. "Cool story bro," says another.
Left 4 Dead's safehouse messages have always been pretty damn funny, but hell if Crash Course's don't take the cake. I've long admired Valve for understanding their audience better than most companies ("OMGWTFBBQ" is still my favorite Team Fortress 2 achievement), but the pitch-perfect tone of Crash Course's script still pleasantly surprised me.
Hit the jump for a transcript of the wall writings if you can't make them out from the screenie.
Jonathan,
You have touched my very being. I shall remember you.
You taught all that knew you what courage meant
And have shown us an example in death as you did in life.
God give me strength in my life without you.
And I shall thank her.
I can only hope that our souls shall intwi entwine again
In that place where there is only love, no tears, no sadness,
No injustice, no cruelty, no white, no black,
No hate, no war, only love
Only love
Alison
Presumably, all the comments making fun of Alison's poem are still readable. "PS DON'T TELL ALISON" is my favorite, personally.
Contest:
6:20 PM on 09.29.2009
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This one made me laugh extra hard.
- Zoey while waling between some propane tanks.
I had to do a double-take for a sec on that wall while my wife was getting choked out by a Smoker. Instead of saving her, I had to read these!
"Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots."
Did anyone else catch the steam part?
"Hey, watch out for that steam"
Zoey: I love steam.
Francis: Yeah...steam isn't so bad.
God damn Valve, thank you.
That being said, its pretty brilliant.
I found this much, much funnier than I should've ^_^
I'm hiding from zombies and reading this was the most terrible thing to happen to me today."
That made me laugh so hard. I love Valve so much, and when the real zombie apocalypse comes, I hope I see things like this everywhere, because it's fucking hilarious.
Can't wait to play Crash Course.
Reading your poem ruined heaven.
Thanks a lot,
Jonathan's Ghost
That and 'cool story bro' had me giggling.
"Ain't nothing wrong with vests."
Also, the "PS DON'T TELL ALISON" part had me laughing on the floor maniacally!
Zoey: Hey, look Francis, they have the latest issue of Hating Everything Magazine.
Francis: I hate latest issues.
Louis: I got a bad feeling about this. Oh wait, it passed, I think we're gonna be all right!
Francis: Just pretend they're all helicopter pilots, Zoey.
But yes writing on the saferoom walls had me cracking up pretty hard, as did the new dialogue.
As cool as Valve is, their relative unoriginality is starting to annoy me.