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Yeah, you'll learn the hard way, son. "Lucky" children all over the world unwrapped their presents on Christmas Day and, according to an unhealthy amount of Youtube videos, went thoroughly insane. My prediction is that, by now, the waggle boxes are already sitting untouched on the floor.

The above video, as spotted on Kotaku, is the thing that nightmares are made of. He screams like he's being raped, murdered and losing a bet at the same time. And then comes the dancing ... oh God the dancing. If you dare to watch, just be warned that it is not funny, not even in a "so bad it's good" kind of way. It will just make you want to find the nearest doctor and beg him for a cheap vasectomy. 

There's another video after the jump, equally unbearable and guaranteed to make your sperm shrivel up and die. I'm just glad that my wife's boy's a nihilist and doesn't seem to care about anything, even Christmas, because I could not cope with that kind of behavior ... especially over a Wii.

 
This video is from a family of ten. I can't stand people who have that many kids in these overpopulated times, but I take some solace from the fact that right now, the sheer amount of kids in the house is probably leading to the some intense fighting over who gets to play on the Wii. In fact, I kind of get a boner imagining the conflict.
 
There are some more posted, but others seem either staged or not very interesting. Not that these are interesting, but you get what I mean. Never have children, dear readers. And if you do have some -- drown them quickly.

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65 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Aifel's Avatar
Aifel at 12/27/2008 10:32
Those poor, poor kids.
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 12/27/2008 10:33
I kept expecting the Cloverfield monster to show up in the second one.
slappybag's Avatar
slappybag at 12/27/2008 10:35
Fuck me that was intense.
Overcow's Avatar
Overcow at 12/27/2008 10:41
My ears... My poor poor ears...
Drach's Avatar
Drach at 12/27/2008 10:42
Good writing Jim. made me chuckle a bit.. At least they weren't all "Pfft! I wanted a PS3" But I guess that's another video from another house.
moshakirby's Avatar
moshakirby at 12/27/2008 10:43
I'm so confused
moominsean's Avatar
moominsean at 12/27/2008 10:43
that second one sounds like someone is tuning a longwave radio at full volume.

both remind me why i don't have kids.
Xhumation's Avatar
Xhumation at 12/27/2008 10:45
You know I actually saw my nephews open up a Wii this year and it was...cute. for lack of a better word. they stayed there silently in awe.

Which brings me to my next point. Is not about what you get for christmas is about how much of an annoying twat the kids are.
Cataract's Avatar
Cataract at 12/27/2008 10:46
The worst part is that I bet none of these kids here are even remotely interested in gaming, but that they're just excited to get something that's popular.
AwesomeToph's Avatar
AwesomeToph at 12/27/2008 10:46
This is why I choose not to get preggers.
Mr Wrighty 987's Avatar
Mr Wrighty 987 at 12/27/2008 10:47
i wouldnt hit a kid but that kid would all 17st of me upside his head
Drach's Avatar
Drach at 12/27/2008 10:50
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/d0x469Eb-BU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/d0x469Eb-BU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Uh if that didn't work:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0x469Eb-BU
MaxVest's Avatar
MaxVest at 12/27/2008 10:50
Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

The Big Lebowski permanently ruined nihilism for me.
q-pa's Avatar
q-pa at 12/27/2008 10:50
Were they intentionally trying to copy the Nintendo 64 Kid or something and failing miserably at it?
Origim's Avatar
Origim at 12/27/2008 10:50
I am so glad I didn't put my headset on when I clicked the play button. I'm all for parent's buying their children a Wii. It will keep the little shits off live for the time being.
Zen Albatross's Avatar
Zen Albatross at 12/27/2008 10:59
Hooray! We got something that is popular!

Now we can play it for a month before allowing it to gather dust on a shelf.
Tino's Avatar
Tino at 12/27/2008 11:00
I got my Dad a wii for Xmas. His reaction was nowhere near these.
Corak's Avatar
Corak at 12/27/2008 11:15
I agree that they freaked out probably because the Wii is the popular or "cool" thing to get. They just wanted to say "I got a Wii for Christmas" to their friends to try to make them jealous. If they only realized that it will probably sit on the shelf after a month and they'll go back to being annoying. Also, what kind of camera was the second vid shot on, ffs, I know its youtube but come on at least have a camera from the past decade.
garison's Avatar
garison at 12/27/2008 11:16
Don't they know that the Wii is old now? I've had mine for 2 years now.
MisterMingo's Avatar
MisterMingo at 12/27/2008 11:17
Oh just wait for the fact that there are no good games beyond Zelda, Mario, Smash, and Virtual Console games to sink in. Then let the fact that these kids probably wouldn't even like the games I listed sink in.

HOPE YOU LOVE YOUR WII, KIDS!! :D
Crumpet Lips's Avatar
Crumpet Lips at 12/27/2008 11:21
OH MY GOD NINTENDO SIXTY FOOOOOOUUUUURRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! *drum solo*

Only in America.
NCHammer326's Avatar
NCHammer326 at 12/27/2008 11:24
The screams reminded me of the ending to the 1978 Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
braulio09's Avatar
braulio09 at 12/27/2008 11:27
first vid has one of those kids that just do stuff for attention constantly. it's so obvious he's faking.

and second one had the worst fucking sound ever. dont ever do that to me again, jim.
MisterMingo's Avatar
MisterMingo at 12/27/2008 11:28
@garison: Yeah, but the Wii also still can't stay on store shelves long, if you haven't forgotten. I'm sure you needed to stand in a long line to get it two years ago.

#Crumpet Lips: Oh, like there are no obnoxious little kids in the UK. I'm certain there are. Same goes for other countries.
ikiryou's Avatar
ikiryou at 12/27/2008 11:28
I watched this and in the ensuing terror attempted to shoot myself in the head. But it only invoked a persona.
*casts Zionga on Wii children*
parrothead's Avatar
parrothead at 12/27/2008 11:48
Well, I brought mine home for the Holidays and my dad has not moved from the living room the past couple of days playing World of Goo. But I can't imagine flipping the fuck out over a system that has been out for a while.
Boolean's Avatar
Boolean at 12/27/2008 12:05
Errr..am I the only one who thinks that looks incredibly, incredibly fake? It seems like they saw the N64 kid and thought "Yeah we can do that", but forgot that the kid can't act for shit.
Coldbrand's Avatar
Coldbrand at 12/27/2008 12:07
I want to see their reactions a month later when they realize the console has like a grand total of 5 or so worthwhile games. Four for them since their moms and dads probably won't let them play No More Heroes.
ThunderHeartXI's Avatar
ThunderHeartXI at 12/27/2008 12:20
Hold on, I think I've seen this somewhere before...



NINTENDO SIXTY-FOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRR.
Pop-it's Avatar
Pop-it at 12/27/2008 12:41
Just some gay kids tryin to reinact NINTENDO! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! for the top one and the second one... A bomb went off
Hiltz's Avatar
Hiltz at 12/27/2008 12:41
It really just comes down to personal preference in relation to what you are looking for in a home console.
Believe it or not, but not everyone cares about HD gaming and online play. I'm one of them despite being a hardcore gamer for 18 years.That's not to say that the Wii is perfect or anything, but for me, it's the best console that fits my gaming needs.


Personally, I think 2009 is going to be the Wii's best year in terms of good quality games, especially due to the increase in third-party support.I could easily name over 40 titles I'm looking forward to. In addition, there's also the exciting potential of MotionPlus.
Redzie's Avatar
Redzie at 12/27/2008 12:48
STAGED. Even if it wasnt, nobody cares anymore since some kid did it more than ten years ago. This is one of the reasons I hate youtube.
brainderailment's Avatar
brainderailment at 12/27/2008 12:50
DeanR's Avatar
DeanR at 12/27/2008 12:55
not staged, just a preview of that kid pre-everyone-knows-that-he-is-a-flippin loon.
Zombutler's Avatar
Zombutler at 12/27/2008 13:28
Arminas's Avatar
Arminas at 12/27/2008 13:31
The best part is, I was already planning on the vasectomy meeting with my doctor next week. This pushed me over the edge. Jim - My wife and I thank you.
Zombutler's Avatar
Zombutler at 12/27/2008 13:33
ewww
Timstuff's Avatar
Timstuff at 12/27/2008 13:37
I have a feeling that the kids' enthusiasm will disappear once they discover the Wii's software selection-- or lack thereof.
TrailerParkJesus's Avatar
TrailerParkJesus at 12/27/2008 13:59
Goddamn Wii startled the witch
RyO-Ohki's Avatar
RyO-Ohki at 12/27/2008 14:35
that's because he doesnt know that they r only crappy games :P
delriego's Avatar
delriego at 12/27/2008 14:53
Wow! I was expecting a lot of wii/children lovers posting hate comments.

@TrailerParkJesus

xD!!!!
ServantSaber's Avatar
ServantSaber at 12/27/2008 15:13
@TrailerParkJesus
Hahaha! That is pretty much what the second video sounded like though...
amalgamut00's Avatar
amalgamut00 at 12/27/2008 15:18
I hope their systems had problems and they had to go back to return them.
vexed alex's Avatar
vexed alex at 12/27/2008 15:24
The second video was out of this world.
Monodi's Avatar
Monodi at 12/27/2008 15:27
the guy in the yellow shirt of the first video looks a hell lot like me

I think I would have shouted that way if I had gotten a SNES when I was a kid.
Chicken008's Avatar
Chicken008 at 12/27/2008 15:33
My ears are bleeding. Wii is rad, but not so much that you would screech like that..
Nogarda's Avatar
Nogarda at 12/27/2008 15:37
@tpj roflmfao

So i take it this is the new 'nintendo sixty four vid in the making. that shit will be halirious with some slow mo to it.
Vhaius's Avatar
Vhaius at 12/27/2008 16:22
Haha my uncle caught a glimpse of the first vid and said 'thats why i bought your nephew an xbox and left 4 dead'. (My 8 yr old nephew..)
YEAH-YA's Avatar
YEAH-YA at 12/27/2008 16:25
NINTENDO SIXTY FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOURRRR!!!!
jrwolv's Avatar
jrwolv at 12/27/2008 16:32
That was wayyy to painful for me. I'm still cringing.
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