Oh Jessica, ever since my first love, Angelina Jolie, decided to get knocked up and adopt seventy children, I have had a huge void in my heart. I thought me and Ange were inseparable. I even came up with a Hollywood couple name for us: Hamgelina. Luckily, I came across this wonderful piece of news today from Yahoo! videogames about how you, Jessica Alba, enjoy video games. What a coincidence, Jessica. I like video games (as well as half naked womens) too!
I swell up with delight to hear that you enjoy playing with yourself in the games you've been portrayed:
I have seen myself in video games, like in Dark Angel or the first Fantastic Four game. It's weird. It doesn't seem like me, but it is. It's totally weird. It's like having an action figure. It's super cool
Not only that, but your love for the Nintendo DS is so great, you bought one for the entire cast of Fantastic Four 2:
"I had my DS on the set of Fantastic Four and I bought it for my entire cast when we wrapped," said Alba. "I guess I just felt bad because between takes they'd be chatting and we were in the Fantasticar and I'd always have my iPod and my DS with me. It was like fingernail-biting, gripping moments in the movie and then, "Cut!" I'd pick up my DS and try to beat my 82 age in Brain Age. I'd try to memorize all of those damn words."
Whoa, your brain age is 82?! Mine is 23 ... I didn't know we were so different. That means you're like a grandma. I, I don't know what to say. No, age is just a number. It doesn't matter if we love each other. I'm desperate open-minded enough to know that really, it doesn't matter how unsmart you are. I love you Jessica, that's all that matters.
Love,
Hamza Aziz
[Via Kotaku -- Awesomeshop made my Hushgush]
-icon.gif){kind=icon}
21 comments + 95764 views
Schwing!
She's stuck on 82 in Brain Age? Isn't that functionally retarded?
But she's hot, so all is forgiven. And they say good looks will never get you anything...
Biel > Alba
[Generic Outburst of Affection]
[yum]Jessica Alba[/yum]
Johansson > Alba > Many others > Biel
She's mine, get your own.
Alba>Johanson
dude, rudolph is rite!
You're not desperate if you have to settle for Alba. At least she's honest about her intelligence*snicker*.
Wow, that's like borderline brain dead...
But, hey, men don't like her for her brain. Otherwise women like Jessica Simpson, Brittany Spears, Halle Berry would have never had careers. So, I guess she's okay.
Alba's best role in a movie is still Idle Hands. Damn she looked soo hot in that movie.
Why doesn't it surprise me that she plays Brain Age? Fukken trendy non-gamers.
Wouldn't that be Jessicaziz then? lol
JESSICA!!!
I HATED FANTASTIC FOUR 2!!
I ONLY LIKED THE SILVER SURFER!!
AND TOO BAD DOUG JONES DIDNT VOICE HIM,
BUT GAP TOOTH MORPHEUS DID!!
GALACTUS WAS A FUCKEN CLOUD!!
BUT YOU ARE HOT!! AND I FORGIVE YOU!
STILL,
I AGREE WITH ANDYCAT
Johansson > Alba > Many others > Biel
Biel has man shoulders!!
Isn't the maximum age in Brain Age 80? She must really be dense if the game's breaking its own rules.
I mean I'd still hit it, just sayin' is all.
I got a brain age of 20 once by writing all of those words down instead of memorizing them. is that cheating?
FF2 was whack. I agree. They tried to make Alba look Asian the whole movie too. Not sure what that about but she was hotter than the human torch in that flick. rawr
Would you hit it?
f*ck! she'd hit you!!
Mannish women = Hot.
It's like legal gayness.
I've made it a rule not to have sex with girls who have bigger penises than mine.
My rule is the same, although it doesn't involve penises.
LMAO@Jim
Hehehehe her brain age's 82? She can memorize hundreds of lines for her movies but can't remember a few dozen simple words?
But nonetheless I like Jessica Alba. I think that her having a DS and playing with it is kind of cool. Maybe she should try other games, like Cooking Mama? ^_^
omfg, i need her friend codes. then we could finally confess our love for eachother, which might start a vicious love triangle between me and hamza.
none the less, i'd still bang her. even if her brain is the age of 82, they say women age like fine wine. :D
I think you're all missing the key thing here; she'd never "bang" any of you. Not even someone as amazing as good ol' tazar. The only person who quite possibly would have a chance is Greybush, Ted, Britini, or some weird Voltron-esqe combination of the three.
(lol, jk, she wouldn't want ted)
taz, if her brain age is 82 she'd bang a guatemalan fruit goat with ghonaherpasiphilaids...
Biel's ass looks pretty nice in Chuck and Larry, but then again nearly any ass can look nice with the right angle and enough sheen.
I think a lot of us here have a better chance with Alba than we actually think. (Except for tazarthayoot obviously).
Alba:
"I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don't think a girl's a slut if she enjoys sex. I could have a one-night stand, and I'm the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, 'Do you really have to be here?' I don't need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don't try to make it more. I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don't feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don't really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have. Even when I was a virgin and wanted to marry the first guy who I slept with, I never passed any judgments about that. But now I'm done with dating around."
http://thesuperficial.com/2007/06/jessica_alba_got_paris_hilton.php
So not only would I give it to her, but she already wants it? I think God spilled a bit of extra awesome in the pot when He was making Miss Alba.
@JimSterling
I was just thinking "Wait...Brain Age...doesn't my Great Grandma play Brain Age?" Like Brain Age, with an 82 for that matter, makes the gaming part legit. Ha! Yeah, okay. You're a gamer Alba. And I'm a clown-flavored, cowboy ragdoll on a mission to take down the bastard who stole the presidents cotton soft toliet tissue.
Hang on. Is 82 even possible in Brain Age? I haven't played it in a long time, but wasn't 80 the cap? DOES SHE REALLY EVEN PLAY OR IS THIS JUST FANBOY FAP SERVICE?
@ANDYCAT
PERFECT PIC!!
guess Biel took her Spinach!!
i surprised she's not dating that
super Lesbo Michelle Rodriguez for some man sex!
Michelle banged Kristanna Loken!!
she is so so hot!
damn you Michelle!!
Come on, Jim. What does it matter if she plays Brain Age and not Final Fantasy XII or WoW? Not everyone is all that interested in the gaming world and culture, they just want to play some fun, distracting games. Let's not be elitest about these things. As "Barney" as this sounds, games are for everyone, not just the devout. And it's fucking Jessica Alba; if she wanted to be a poseur, you let her be a poseur.
You know, Alba is so much hotter than Johansson. Scarlett's got the personality, supposed intelligence, and acting chops, but I would choose Alba over Scarlett so many times over. Hell, I would choose Biel over Scarlett, though by a slimmer margin. And tazar, shush up - it's called masturbatory fantasy. Deal with it.
Brilliantly accurate header captions too, by the way.
if she played Etrian Odessy or FFII I'd be impressed
but shes a casual gamer, lame
my momsa casual gamer
GET THAT CASUAL GAMER OFF MY D'TOID!!
MAKE NO MISTAKE THOUGH...
[IMG]http://i19.tinypic.com/4qzv1ip.jpg[/IMG
lol
Yeah I'd hit it. How exactly does this brain age thing work though? I don't have a DS, so I wouldn't know.
Jessica Alba = too skinny, no real ass/tits
Jessica Biel = too muscular / has penis
Scarlett Johansson:
...PERFECTION
Couldn't have said it better Andy
I've been hooked on her since the island
Sharpless:
It was just very predictable, that's all. Some hot girl has a DS, you better believe that if it ain't Brain Age in there, it's Nintendogs.
@andycat!!
YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH!!!
FINALLY SOMEONE SEES THE TRUTH!!
BY THE LIGHT OF ZENN-LA!!
JimSterling the originator of the hammer to the nail.
What is this even doing here? *sigh*
@JimSterling:
Often, yes, you're probably pretty accurate. I probably don't have to tell you, though, that that's not always the case. I mean, the ladies in our community clearly demonstrate that. I guess I just don't like broad generalizations... you know, generalizations about broads. ;)
Anyway, I didn't mean to put Scarlett down so much. She is indeed hot and seems like a cool chick. I'm just saying that, if we're talking strictly "would you hit it," I think I'd rather hit Alba or Biel, before I'd hit Scarlett. It's a close race, though. Aw, hell, what do I know? Fuck it, I want all three at once. *cries*
You'd rather hit Ms. Man Arms??!!!!1
CHOO CRAYSIE!!!!
Thank god for men who appreciate curves!
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