Last week, Jack Thompson promised "big trouble" for the eagerly awaited BioShock. While I felt dirty that such a beautiful game was being uttered from the filthy mouth of the silver haired panty-buncher, I patiently waited for this trouble, wondering what it was that Jumpin' Jack Twat had up his sleeve. Now the time has come and BioShock's ultimate doom has been decided ...
Jack Thompson ... WROTE AN ANGRY LITTLE LETTER! OH NO!
For some undisclosed reason, Jack Thompson was watching World Wrestling Entertainment's Smackdown and spotted the classy BioShock commercial that's been airing. Sensing some straws to clutch at, Darth Thompson has written one of his classic little love notes to Take-Two, whining about how people under 17 like wrestling, so this means BioShock and all its terrible violence is being marketed to them. Jacky baby, take it from me, this is one of the most desperate things you've ever done in your quest for relevance. Ever.
Hit the jump for more, including Jack's latest rant in full.
[Thanks to TheGoldenDonut]
Take-Two… is aggressively marketing its newest Mature-rated video game to kids under 17 years of age… On this Friday’s night’s 8 pm Eastern time airing of WWE’s wrestling program “Smackdown,” there were repeated ads for Take-Two/Rockstar Game’s Mature-rated, incredibly violent BioShock…A check of the demographics of the audience of that program reveals that teens under 17 years of age watch that program in huge numbers…
Remarkably, the video game industry is running ads for games like BioShock on teen-intensive television programs while at the same time its industry-captured “watchdog,” the ESRB, is running a self-congratulatory ad campaign to assure parents that the video game ratings system is working and that the industry can be trusted not to target their kids with these Mature-rated games. It is all a lie, as the BioShock ads prove.
This rampant fraudulent trade practice is precisely what “Big Tobacco” did with its “Joe Camel” and other teen-targeting ads, while at the same time lying to Congress that it was not marketing its adult product to kids.
Even when watching half naked men wrestling around on a canvas mat, Jack Thompson can't stop himself from thinking about children. On a 'serious' note, this newest spectacle has clearly shown that there is no low he won't sink to in order to get his attention. It's attention I'll gladly give him as well, because he's free comedy at this point and there is no greater entertainment than watching a bitter old man make a complete fool of himself. Thompson feels a little less insecure about his lack of significance, the videogames get more exposure and we get to laugh. Everybody wins!
The game in question, on its way to becoming the most critically acclaimed interactive masterpiece of all time, is being released on Tuesday and there is nothing he can do about it. It will be played, it will be loved, and children WILL experience it ... but not because Take-Two sold it to them. Of course, we all know that, but we'll be too busy having fun to stomp our feet and whine about something so pointless. That's the job of this old wanker. Also, when did showing a TV spot classify as aggression? Thompson, you are utterly pathetic.
Now who's Jack's favorite wrestler? I think it's Randy Orton, since they both look like they've done some terrible things with dates and a glass of wine.
08/19/2007 11:19
08/19/2007 11:19
08/19/2007 11:20
Anyway, I think it's getting to the point where Jack Thompson is just a part of the landscape; he doesn't make nearly as much noise as he used to.
But he's still an irritating twatface.
08/19/2007 11:22
08/19/2007 11:22
08/19/2007 11:24
08/19/2007 11:27
08/19/2007 11:28
Jack, if you are reading this comment, I want to let you know that you are LOSING this war, man. No one takes you seriously. Even the Florida Bar is against you. Judges are against you. You went too far and got too weird, and now you just ramble and spin your tires while we laugh at you. We all laugh at you. I sent your wikipedia page to my parents (who are very conservative) and THEY laughed at you. You are a joke. You are a nothing. The more you talk about video games, the more publicity you give them. Send me an email at tips@destructoid.com if you have a comment. You tool.
08/19/2007 11:29
08/19/2007 11:30
08/19/2007 11:33
Probably himself. It's the only human correspondence he receives.
08/19/2007 11:35
Is he even paying attention anymore?
Has he ever been paying attention?
08/19/2007 11:37
Just wait till Jack gets his hands on the full game, and realizes that you're essentially required to kill a "child" repeatedly in order to collect ADAM.
He'll have a fucking field day with that one.
08/19/2007 11:39
He's terribly inconsistent.
08/19/2007 11:39
That's supposed to be "Take-Two/Rockstar?"
08/19/2007 11:39
08/19/2007 11:41
08/19/2007 11:41
08/19/2007 11:42
08/19/2007 11:45
not that i have a problem with the little sisters, they have a purpose in the game and actually add something to it.
08/19/2007 11:48
The BBFC and ESRB have already rated the game, he can't do much to rally against the content, especially now the killing of the girls has been toned down. Thompson shouldn't have slept so late on this one.
08/19/2007 11:50
It also made me want to play Emogame more.
08/19/2007 11:50
08/19/2007 11:52
I would pay more than a bioshock copy costs to see a big daddy dealing with jack thompson.
08/19/2007 11:53
08/19/2007 11:57
I have faith that Running With Scissors will find a way to put Jack Thompson in Postal 3.
And, if not them, certainly the modding community will come up with an...interesting mod.
08/19/2007 12:04
It would be win.
08/19/2007 12:08
Why doesn't Jack Thompson talk about that and try to help all of us lead healthy lives instead of making up these false "facts" to stop violent video games from being produced. We'll all die of heart attacks before we can even play these games. That's kind of ironic too since we all know Jacky boy has been having some recent heart problems.
08/19/2007 12:12
Note to Jack Thompson: NO ONE CARES!
08/19/2007 12:16
08/19/2007 12:21
I think the GamePolitics article said this was an FTC complaint.
I'm not lolling nearly as much as when the man threatened Wendy's with a lawsuit if they didn't pull their Wii happy meal toys, but this is pretty pathetic. I can't wait till this man gets disbarred.
08/19/2007 12:27
I think we need to do a "Gamer Eye for the Tight-Assed Politician" style intervention.
Personally I think we should give him a video game review TV show and put it on E! Imagine the entertainment! Nobody in their right mind would take him seriously so everyone at Dtoid could just sit around a fire and watch this half hour program nightly and crack jokes about how hes drawing assumptions about games hes never played.
08/19/2007 12:28
[i]Sincerely,
Dr.Phil [/i]
08/19/2007 12:34
Have a nice day :)
08/19/2007 12:39
08/19/2007 12:47
08/19/2007 12:54
Jack Thompson=Right Wing Nutjob Controlfreak
Gamers=Regular people of all ages.I am 13 and plan to get Bioshock the day it comes out and play it to my hearts desire.
08/19/2007 13:01
As anyone who saw Nireos video of his hearing will tell you, I fucking lol'd when he held up that sign "Can I just hold this up please?"
08/19/2007 13:16
As far as children playing BioShock... only if irresponsible parents let them. If you see the "M" on the box, don't buy it for your nine year-old. Simple as that. However, in the case of BioShock, I doubt kids are going to be stabbing each other with giant drill bits attached to their hands.
Thompson has proven time and again that he fails, in every aspect of life. I almost feel bad for him. I almost think he's become a victim of his own paranoia, but the more I read and hear about him, the more I realize that he's just a fucking douche.
08/19/2007 13:18
08/19/2007 13:29
08/19/2007 13:30
"I can finally RULE THE WORLD!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
*turns on the 360*
*3 red lights appear*
"DAMN YOU MICROSOFT!!!"
08/19/2007 13:42
That being said, Nothing can stop Bioshock. It's the modern equivelent of...I don't even know, maybe Wolfenstien 3D or Alone in the Dark. It will change everyting. To quote Tycho from Penny Arcade, "It is my intention to secure two copies of the game, entire - one Collectors' edition, and one exclusively to shove up Roger Ebert's ass. If Bioshock isn't "art," then art is the poorer for it."
08/19/2007 13:42
08/19/2007 13:43
08/19/2007 13:53
Hmmm...JT watching wrestling wrestling, isn't that a bit, I don't know, hypocritical?
08/19/2007 13:59
08/19/2007 14:09
You know, someone's oughta go 6 stars on him.
08/19/2007 14:15
Actually, I'd welcome that. If someone had an educated argument against videogames, I'd enjoy talking to them. The only thing is, there AREN'T many coherent arguments you can form. As soon as you realise that the whole "kids shouldn't play adult games" argument is moot because these games aren't FOR kids, you lose your entire basis of argument. People like Jack ignore that entire foundation-shaking fallacy. Smarter people can't.
08/19/2007 14:16
08/19/2007 14:22
# 86% are male
# Mean Age = 24 yrs old
# 36% are ages 12-17
# 58% are ages 18-49
# 40% are males 18-34
While a lot of 12-17's watch, the majority are over 18. Also,I would note that a lot of the times when I watch shows that have less of the male/female splite, I see shit like tampon commercials... Are those being targeted at me? Fuck no.
08/19/2007 14:25
08/19/2007 14:27
He is currently facing disciplinary proceedings with the Florida Bar, but as of now he's still licensed to practice law. In 2005 he lost pro hac vice admission in Alabama (permission for an out-of-state attorney to practice in that state) for a wrongful death case involving GTA.
08/19/2007 14:27
Yeah...good one Thompson...
Almost laughed there...
08/19/2007 14:32
08/19/2007 14:55
08/19/2007 15:04
Why doesn't a Big Daddy shove a drill up his ass.[/i]
[b]Okay, guys? The death threats?
NOT HELPING.[/b]
08/19/2007 15:06
Regardless, could we chill out for a few seconds and not give the man even MORE reason to think we're a pack of psychotic philistines?
08/19/2007 15:09
YEAH! RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!
08/19/2007 15:18
Nevertheless, telling people you want them to suffer heinous torture is probably not the best way to make them go away, y'hear?
08/19/2007 15:25
08/19/2007 15:26
08/19/2007 15:32
08/19/2007 15:35
08/19/2007 15:41
Jack: The "cut off time is 9:30?" Really, where is that written. Your rudeness has eclipsed what you attribute to me. I don't do term papers for people.
Me: Well, Mr. Thompson, I would appreciate it if you could tell me what your personal cutoff time is, so I don't have to keep guessing, though I doubt you will get very many calls from me any more. I do not believe I was rude whatsoever, but please tell me how else you believe I am being rude so I can learn from my mistakes. I want to make myself a better person, Mr. Thompson. And yes, I realize you don't do term papers for people, thank you for restating that. I believe since we are Christian followers, the Bible says we must forgive those who have wronged us, so I am asking you to forgive me for my rudeness. I respect you Mr. Thompson.
Jack: Thanks.
---
I got owned! T_T
08/19/2007 15:44
Jim: I'm not sure what the ESRBs involvement would be in advertising matters other than providing the rating for the game so I can't comment there.
If there was any blame to levelled though surely it would be shared among the network (for actually showing the advert) and Take Two (and/or whatever advertising agency is working on their behalf) for having the advert shown at that time. The network and Take Two (or their ad agency) will be fully aware of the demographics watching shows and both should have a duty to use advertising time appropriately and responsibly.
08/19/2007 15:50
*ignores*
08/19/2007 16:03
good ol' derek and your dominoes!!!
08/19/2007 16:05
08/19/2007 16:08
08/19/2007 16:21
08/19/2007 17:02
I saw a commercial for birthcontrol. I am now fully influenced to buy and take the advertised birthcontrol pills for my 16 year old male body.
By the way Jack, you should be smashing people with steel chairs, since watching anything violent WILL make you a violent person. Oh? You're saying you don't do that? Fucking hypocrite.
08/19/2007 17:04
08/19/2007 17:48
If i remember correctly Smackdown is one of the most violent, sexist , masonganistic bit of asswipery that has ever graced the airwaves of television cause kids across the world to start backyard wrestling leagues where they routinely beat each other with bats , light bulbs nails and various other assorted objects thus resulting an slew of ACTUAL DEATHS from this practice of emulating wrestlers.
I dont know if someone have already seen the irony or not cause i havent read any of the comments yet but im gonna go read them now and see.
08/19/2007 18:00
08/19/2007 18:24
I saw a commercial for birthcontrol. I am now fully influenced to buy and take the advertised birthcontrol pills for my 16 year old male body.[/i]
Come on, you are being fucking stupid.
Do you, as a sixteen year old male, want to purchase Bioshock?
08/19/2007 18:29
08/19/2007 18:32
08/19/2007 18:44
Obviously they market on Smackdown, but so do horror movies, because we know only 40 year old couples go see Hostel 2 right.
08/19/2007 18:46
I believe that the dick must be removed from his ass first.
08/19/2007 18:55
No, he was being ironic. There's a difference.
Anyway, whether or not he wants to buy it, it's up to his parents and the clerks at his local video game store to make sure it doesn't fall into his hands, at least not without their consent.
See, that's where JT's argument apart. When you consider that no matter whether or not this was marketed towards kids (Which is ridiculous when you consider that it played during a violent program not particularly intended for children...), it's all in the hands of the parents to make sure that their kids aren't getting their hands on age-inappropriate materials.
Personal responsibility is great.
08/19/2007 18:56
08/19/2007 19:11
08/19/2007 19:16
Jack agreed to not go after Rockstar as an agreement for them dropping a countersuit a few months back. Seeing as how Rockstar is a subsidiary of T2, wouldn't this same luxury apply to T2 as a parent company?
The Wendy's suit wasn't a direct attack against Rockstar/Take 2 (although Manhunt 2 was named specifically in his grievances with the Wii toys), but this is the same bullshit he was pulling before.
I'm sure this will be pulled, as R-Rated movies are advertised all the time during WWE shows (including the Kane-starring See No Evil, as it was a WWE Films production), and there have been no issues there. However, the legal recourse that Take 2 could seek could be devastating for Jack.
I, personally, welcome his latest action. He's standing on the chair with the noose around his neck, and Take 2 has definite reason to kick the chair.
08/19/2007 19:27
08/19/2007 19:48
I completely agree with your comment man ... and I'm fully surprised that as a part of the agreement that was reached earlier this year that 2K Games wasn't named as a company that ol' shitdick could not go after. If there ever was a reason for Take Two to kick out the proverbial chair, this is definitely it.
08/19/2007 22:00
08/19/2007 22:52
what the does he mean by that the game is being made by irrational games now known as 2k?
08/19/2007 22:52
08/19/2007 23:06
Actually, the intentions he PRETENDS to have are good, if misguided.
His real intentions -- notoriety by any means -- are not so admirable.
08/19/2007 23:08
08/19/2007 23:53
The real truth is we need to defend our positions and that parents and retailers really need to enforce ESRB etc etc. The other hand is, I think if we just ignored Jack that he would go away. If people stopped caring about every letter he wrote or dumb thing that came out of his mouth, he would stop getting the media press that he his keeping him alive in our sacred community.
I didnt even consider him (at all, let alone a problem) until this article was posted.
08/19/2007 23:56
08/20/2007 00:02
*Highfive.
08/20/2007 06:05
08/20/2007 07:59
Rod: Daddy, what are you doing?
Ned Flanders: Imploring people I never met to pressure government with better things to do to punish a man who meant no harm for something nobody even saw, that's what I'm doing!
08/20/2007 09:29
08/20/2007 11:01
08/20/2007 21:45
Funny, why is JT watching it?
/sarcasm
@Little Burro
That's a common misconception. JT actually in favor of a nanny-state. Which is Far left. Damn neocons >.<