Too Human, judging by the six page glossy "feature" and cover story in a recent EGM (we're guessing that set them back at least $100k, and boy what a psychological fish tale it was!), is supposed to be the next big thing on the Xbox 360. Supposed is the operating word, because everyone that wasn't paid to say nice things about it has absolutely hated it. We couldn't help it. We read the stuff, we saw the screenshots, and we ran in with arms wide open wishing this game would sedate us with everything we love about video games. Instead, it sucked in a rather unusual form of suckery. Bad frame rates, bad camera angles, repetitive game play, bare environments (however large) and lots of sameness. It was bad.
What is more true is that it was perhaps premature of the studio to show such an early flawed beta at E3 -- a move that stained the hype and buried the game for the remainder of the year. Silicon Knights wanted to you to forget the pain. Months have passed and the rumored December launch date came and went without a wimper. Nobody cared. Gears of War was selling like hotcakes and the year looked great for Microsoft despite Too Whocare's failings. But remember -- The game is not done. There is hope. Alas, here is one new static screenshot of the game!
Here we go again.
Enough time has passed, allowing industry people's disgusting wounds to heal and those awful first impressions are now hard to track down. The GDC (Game Developer's Conference) is just around the corner and it is, once again, time to reevaluate Too Human. Can this game be saved? Is this the next Gears, or has it become such an overhyped overbudget trainreck like Daikatana that it merely must just launch as earn it's 7's from businesses that fail to critically review games that important people produce?
If I may spare everyone a fancy beating around the bush, it's safe to say that many people now expect this game to be deep but mediocre, at best, with hopeful hearts fishing for a silver lining. There's nothing we want more than an interesting sci-fi game with a mind-bending plot and a gun/sword weapon system that is actually worth a damn in multiplayer. But here we are, months later, still wishing, grasping at straws. One screenshot?!! COME ON PEOPLE!
That said, this is one of the games I am most looking forward to reevaluating this March and seeing just how wrong I was to doubt them. I want to believe. I want to be blown away. I want all the money they spent on this thing to actually further the industry and not have been lost on however many PhD talking heads they put in charge of the project for consulting. In fact, I want to fight those guys personally if it doesn't work out. I want to seek those old men out and kick the Preparation H out of each and every single one of them. Rawr, even.
For the meantime, one lousy screenshot isn't impressing me. In return, I offer my own two real-time screenshots from my quasi-vacation in Hawaii. The first is a handsome pigeon that stood in silent protest as I ate my fishy breakfast, and the catchy name of a Waikiki store where dumb girls shop. Despite my amateur photography skills, I think you'll agree that these two photos are more interesting than what the Too Human team has offered here today. Look at how damn handsome this guy is. Best looking pigeon I've ever met. He's next-gen. Hit the gallery for a 1080p version of him, if you can handle it.
So to the Too Human team I say, with fast food heart and the best intentions ... where's the beef? You've got us all excited, don't leave us hanging again. At the very least, they can do no worse than the insane hype behind Killzone. It's always better to be paired to Daikatana than it is to Duke Nukem.