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7:15 PM on 07.29.2014

What's Up: Unreal Tournament, AC Unity, X-Men trading cards, DOOM II RPG

Today there are a bunch of new trailers for games like Assassin's Creed Unity, Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and The Last of Us Remastered (which is on sale) but Bill and I would rather talk about superhero cartoons from twenty years ago, and guns we can't remember the names of in Unreal Tournament. 

Max Scoville


Updated! Panel details revealed:

Hironobu Sakaguchi Reflection: Past, Present, Future of RPGs

The father of Final Fantasy, Hironobu Sakaguchi, has announced his PAX Prime 2014 panel where he will discuss his history developing role-playing games, along with revealing more about his new RPG, Terra Battle. Find out more info at PAX Prime website.






What's Up: ME4's Mako, Deadpool test footage, Gal Gadot as Xena photo
What's Up: ME4's Mako, Deadpool test footage, Gal Gadot as Xena
by Max Scoville

Monday is the worst day of the week, so Bill and I are coping with it by drinking blueberry smoothies and talking about wonderful things like superhero nonsense from Comic-Con, Mass Effect's exciting new (old) sharkmobile, Trine 2's awful poetry, Destiny's two unoriginal races, and True Detective, which Bill doesn't like, and therefore isn't allowed to have blueberry smoothies anymore.

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There are Hawaiian Shirts in Sunset Overdrive! photo
There are Hawaiian Shirts in Sunset Overdrive!
by Max Scoville

As we recently learned, Sunset Overdrive lets players protect their genitals with the head of a green kangaroo, which is a very silly idea. But is that silly enough, in this post-Saints Row world? The answer is "who cares?" because there are also Hawaiian Shirts and Hawaiian Shirts are my jam.

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I'm pumped to dress up Pikachu like a little fancy man photo
I'm pumped to dress up Pikachu like a little fancy man
by Max Scoville

One of my favorite parts of Pokémon Black & White was the ability to haze your magical pets by dressing them up and having them perform musical theatre, so putting Pikachu in drag in Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby sounds awesome to me. If you want to watch the full Pokémon trailer in all its awkwardly-paced Nintendo-approved sterile family-friendly glory, here it is.

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How dumb will Heihachi's hair look running on Unreal 4? photo
How dumb will Heihachi's hair look running on Unreal 4?
by Max Scoville

For whatever reason, AOL accidentally let the cat out of the bag about Tekken 7, which is going to be running on Unreal Engine 4, and now we have a big ol' trailer for the game. Meanwhile, in a different game about guys with dumb hair hitting each other, Raiden has been revealed for Mortal Kombat X, and he seems to have a very loose understanding of what thunder can and can't block out.

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Here are five reasons I'm curious about Dragon Age: Inquisition photo
Here are five reasons I'm curious about Dragon Age: Inquisition
by Max Scoville

I've liked just about everything I've seen from Dragon Age: Inquisition, which is weird, because historically I've basically avoided the series. Here is literally everything I knew about the previous Dragon Age games going into my Inquisition hands-on:

  • They are fantasy RPGs developed by BioWare
  • The first game was called "Origins," which is so redundant it's actually confusing. I spent a year or two thinking it was a prequel to another game.
  • The second game reused a bunch of dungeons.
  • You can do totally horny sex stuff. Er, I mean, there are "romance scenes."
  • An early episode of The Destructoid Show with "Dragon Age Blowjobs" in the video title is the single highest viewed video on our channel.
  • There's a character named Morrigan, who seems a lot less fun than the other Morrigan.
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Alien: Isolation's pre-order bonuses are annoyingly good photo
Alien: Isolation's pre-order bonuses are annoyingly good
by Max Scoville

The pre-order bonuses for Alien: Isolation have been announced, and they're really, really cool... but should we take it at some kind of sign? After all, it was a very similar lust for bonuses that led to the crew of The Nostromo investigating the distress signal coming from LV-426, in the process granting passage to the film's titular nightmarish stowaway.

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Sharknado's: The Video Game's press release is a natural disaster photo
Sharknado's: The Video Game's press release is a natural disaster
by Max Scoville


Sometimes, when I check my email, I find wonderful things like messages from friends and family, beta invites, or announcements that something I ordered has shipped. Sometimes, I find a pile of press releases. Sometimes they're harmless, and sometimes they make me wish Y2K had actually been as much of a disaster as promised.

Sharknado: The Video Game will be coming to mobile devices sometime this month.

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In honor of Canada Day, a video about Akira. photo
In honor of Canada Day, a video about Akira.
by Max Scoville


Today is Canada day. And since "Canada" sounds kind of, sort of like "Kaneda," the hero of Otomo Katsuhiro's groundbreaking cyberpunk manga-turned-anime Akira, that's reason enough for me to put on my favorite red jacket and talk about one of his favorite pieces of media ever... Japanese, Canadian, or otherwise.

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Only some of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare's new tech sounds cool photo
Only some of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare's new tech sounds cool
by Max Scoville

In a lovingly overproduced developer diary, a couple of Sledgehammer bros ran down the exciting new gear in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, including this year's "game-changer," the exo-skeleton, and hyped some of their other groundbreaking innovations such as... as laser. If nothing else, there was an opening for a Mountain Dew joke.

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Video: Japan's new Godzilla game looks a bit rough photo
Video: Japan's new Godzilla game looks a bit rough
by Max Scoville

The King of The Monsters is stomping his big dumb lizard feet all over the Playstation 3 this winter, but only in Japan. Bandai Namco hasn't really given us much else to go on for this game. Will it come out in the west? No idea, but the recent Godzilla movie from Legendary Pictures did pretty well, so who knows.

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The 5 best parts from the E3 demo of MGS V: The Phantom Pain photo
The 5 best parts from the E3 demo of MGS V: The Phantom Pain
by Max Scoville

Sure, you could go watch the whole half-hour demo of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain we saw at E3, but then you don't get to look at my pretty face. 

Also, an animal shows up at the end of this video! Can you guess what it is? 

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Video: No Man's Sky impressions photo
Video: No Man's Sky impressions
by Max Scoville

Of all the games we saw at E3, No Man's Sky is probably the most difficult to describe without sounding like we just came down from a mescaline trip. A procedurally-generated universe filled with millions of planets? Each with new and unique flora and fauna? Spaceships that shoot lasers? This is definitely a high concept game. Hopefully, the final product delivers, because it sounds cool as hell.

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Tuesday Newsday: Destiny, Halo, GTA V and Emoji photo
Tuesday Newsday: Destiny, Halo, GTA V and Emoji
by Max Scoville



Here's some very flaccid news in the wake of E3 -- Destiny's Alpha is over, with a Beta next month. The game'll be a Sony exclusive in Japan. The new dude from Halo 5: Guardians has been named Agent Locke, and he'll be introduced in the Nightfall series. Capcom is essentially up for sale, kinda, sorta, and Nintendo's selling more Wii U's than you might've thought. Ubisoft apparently nerfed Watch Dogs' PC capabilities, and GTA V on PS4, PC, and Xbox One looks great and will have hammerhead sharks. Oh yeah and there's new Emoji. What? Emoji's sort of a video game.

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Farts 'N' Crafts: Watch Dogs Vs. Mortal Kombat Vs. Garfield photo
Farts 'N' Crafts: Watch Dogs Vs. Mortal Kombat Vs. Garfield
by Max Scoville

Here on Farts 'N' Crafts, we tackle a lot of hard-hitting issues. And by hard-hitting issues, I specifically mean "bodily fluids," which is almost ironic considering the show's title. We've done dog feces, we've gone hedgehog vomit. This week, we have dog urine, and copious amounts of cat blood. Specifically, Garfield The Cat blood. I like cats, but Garfield is horrible. Please just watch the video so I can stop typing.

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Just Saiyan: The Dragon Ball Raging Blast Saga episode 2 photo
Just Saiyan: The Dragon Ball Raging Blast Saga episode 2
by Max Scoville

If you missed it last week, Bill and I started an all Dragon Ball let's-play/let's-bullshit-about series called Just Saiyan, since we spend most of our workdays arguing like twelve-year-olds about whether or not Vegeta is cool. There are several dozen Dragon Ball Z games, so Bill and I are going on a "Mystical Adventure" and taking a "Grand Tour" of as many of these titles as possible. First up is Dragon Ball: Raging Blast on Xbox 360.

Join us in the comments to discuss things so dorky we've been embarrassed to talk about them in public since high school.

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