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Satan

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Xbox Live price hike arriving with dashboard update


The move from Microsoft Points will cost the customers
Jul 10
// Jim Sterling
[Update: Microsoft has issued a statement about the pricing inconsistencies to Xbox One Daily. "We are aware that select regions experienced some incorrect game title pricing in the Xbox Live beta. This was an unintended erro...
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Videogames are evil

Dungeons & Dragons destroys peoples lives


It's evil I tells ya
Apr 20
// Taylor Stein
Crazy alert: radical TV preacher Pat Robertson is at it again. In a new video aimed at warning the world of hidden evils, Robertson asserts that Dungeons & Dragons is a "demonic" videogame. In previous discussions throug...

Capcom's plotting a DLC avalanche

Apr 18 // Jim Sterling
Over the next fiscal year, Capcom plans to boost profits by adopting the following strategies: Promoting the digital strategy (DLC) in the consumer business. Aim for growth surpassing that of the market by reinforcing the Online and Mobile Contents business.  Strengthen earnings base by expanding the title lineup in the P&S business.  When run through the Business Speak Translator, the company is basically saying, "DLC mobile gaming DLC lol."  This shouldn't come as a major surprise to those following the mainstream game business. It's become quite clear that companies like Capcom are trying their damnedest to retain their cashflow in the face of a fragmented audience by making more money per game sold. If Capcom can't increase it's audience size, it'll fleece the current one for more cash. This "double dip" approach is likely to become more and more commonplace as publishers refuse to accept anything less than the same amount of profit they've grown accustomed to.  Like so many recent tactics in the game industry, it'll probably work ... for a while. It'll work until enough people get sick of spending $60 on little more than a content delivery system, grow tired of microtransactions and subscriptions, hold out for obligatory Complete Editions, and eventually migrate to the many, many competing forms of entertainment that constantly vie for their attention.  Not that publishers care. After all, the only thing that matters is making the cash now. They can always have a round of fucking layoffs later. Capcom's Forecast Revisions [via NeoGAF]
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"Nice wallet, it'd look better with my dick in it!"
Like most "AAA" publishers, Capcom is finding itself in a market no longer capable of meeting its extravagant financial expectations. At a time where even a game selling five million copies is considered a failure, ...

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Company suspects we'll be fine with DRM-locked systems
Despite the massive outrage sparked by ex-Microsoft employee Adam Orth and his suggestions we'll have to "deal" with an always-online console, Ubisoft thinks the game buying public will be just fine with it. Responding to que...


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Freemium

EA: customers want freemium games, so shut up


Flog that horse until it's only bones!
Apr 03
// Jim Sterling
Electronic Arts has justified its blind charge into the free-to-play market by suggesting that, though the ever-classic "vocal minority" dislikes such games, everybody else loves them. Upset about the restructuring of games l...
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Company of awful ideas has awful idea
We're only a few days into 2013, but Sony's already vying for the Asshole of the Year award in a competitive fashion. It's been discovered that the company has patented a method of "tagging" games played on multiple systems, ...

The top demony demons to have done demon stuff in games

Aug 21 // Jim Sterling
Lucifer (Ghosts n' Goblins) The classic Capcom title Ghosts n' Goblins scores points by going straight to the top of the food chain. It doesn't get more demonic than Satan himself, and this isn't your post-modern, social commentary, Al Pacino take on the character -- this is proper Satan, sitting on a proper skull throne, being a proper demon.  As is an important requisite for being a real demon, Lucifer's skin is as red as the blistering fires that will melt the endlessly regenerating flesh from our bones for all eternity. However, he places last on the list due to the lack of horns, hooves, or other defining traits that would make him a truly demony demon. With the hair, pointy nose, and generally washed-out color of his skin, he looks more like a cross between a Super Saiyan, a witch, and that woman out of Hellraiser II: Hellbound.  Nevertheless, he is still a good demon.  Lucifer (Dante's Inferno) Like Capcom, Visceral Games decided to pick the big guy himself when creating an ultimate baddie for Dante's Inferno. He's a solid example of a demon done justice. The horn-to-head ratio is tilted firmly in favor of horns, which is always great to see in any demon. Speaking of horns, this particular Lucifer has a gigantic penis that flops around when he walks. This is often a cause of humor to some, but folk like me take our demon penises incredibly seriously. It is not mandatory that a demon have a penis, but if it's going to have one, it's got to be huge and massive and capable of hammering a nail into plywood. They did a great job on all counts with this particular penis, and I'm grateful that Visceral takes a good dick as seriously as I do.  Diablos (Final Fantasy series) Diablos is a pretty damn good demon. His face is basically made out of spikes, he's got a giant pair of wings that look more suited to putting holes in things as opposed to flight, and he's sporting a classy red and black color scheme that is both demonic and fashionable.  Square Enix did a great job with Diablos, giving him a modern look to make him appealing to the youth of today while still retaining a lot of classic demoniness that will never go out of style. Fans of the satanic, young and old, can come together and celebrate their love of the blasted wasteland that shall host their lives in oblivion, united by a shared appreciation of Diablos. The Dreadful Mother whispers her knowledge where no ears are there to hear them.  Eidolon (Hexen 2) Now we're really cooking (cooking like in Hell with fire ha ha). Eidolon has got it going on, with a dark red color pattern, black claws, and even a pair of hooves. We're getting into serious demon territory with these bad boys. Extra marks are had for the goat-like nature of its horns and beard. Since the dawn of time, goats have had an affinity with the damned, due to the fact that they can eat clothes, which humans use to hide their sinful boobs and anuses. This is where we get the term "scapegoat" from, "scape" being Latin for, "chewing my pants."  The snake-like face is a bit offputting and a reason why the Eidolon didn't rank higher, but any disturbance had from that feature is offset by the brass nipple ring located on the demon's left teet. This is a nice touch, and adds flavor to the design.  Flame Demon (Castlevania series) The Flame Demon has almost got it all. Fire, teeth, horns, wings, nearly every incarnation of the Flame Demon throughout the Castlevania series has been a fantastic look at what goes into making a truly demony demon.  That said, the Flame Demon from Symphony of the Night really lets the side down, and can eat balls as far as I'm concerned. First of all, it's green. Green! Demons aren't green, they are almost ALWAYS red, and maybe sometimes grey or black with some red on them somewhere. They're not red and green like they're made out of fucking Christmas! Those pathetic little points on its head do not look like horns. They're more like a snail's eye stalks. Frankly, the whole mess resembles some sort of stupid insect and I honestly hope whoever designed it is homeless now and can never improve his social standing -- also, the bastard can never die, so he is stuck homeless forever and really hungry and thirsty but waking up every morning so he can keep being poor and homeless and generally having a bad time.  That little issue aside, great work on the Flame Demons! Samael (Darksiders series) Despite a voice that makes him sound like he should be selling suspicious car stereos at a covered market in East London, Samael is an incredibly demonesque demon who demons really nicely. This guy wears horns so well that he's managed to fashion a bunch of them into a beard. Samael has a hornbeard! That's how you know you're hitting the grade-A hardcore demon shit.  Top marks also go toward a pair of wings that look like they're made out of steak, as well as armor that's pointy enough to be badass while small enough to showcase at least one tit. Demons are at their best when they're wearing only a slight amount of clothing, so we can see how red they are. Samael is pretty damn red, which makes him really good at being a demon.  They're coming for you, you fucking worm. They're scratching the inside of your skull with their barbs and they'll break free at night to drag you, bleeding, from your rancid little cot.  Horned Reaper (Dungeon Keeper series) Did you think we'd do this article without mentioning Dungeon Keeper? What's wrong with you, you pathetic little idiot!? It doesn't get much better than the Horned Reaper, that scythe-wielding nightmare from Bullfrog's short-lived series of simulation games. Tough to unlock, and tougher to keep satisfied, these devilish bastards bleed pure demon.  They're red. They're horny. They've got hooves. They are classic demon, through and through. I prefer the original design over the sequel's overhaul, due to it having better teeth and no pupils in the eyes, but both versions are pretty ace-potatoes. Abuse.  Diablo (Diablo series) After the thirteen black sacraments have been performed, the matriarch of spiders descends from an icy haze of withering deceit and the judgement of those that have wreaked their rusted vengeance upon their deniers. She will ask you a question, and you must answer this pressing inquisition with honesty in your heart, no matter the perversity of her accusation, for your secrets collect on her entangled web like dew drops in the spring morning, and she has grown fat on your life of lies and wicked deeds. Know now that she sees all, her eight unblinking eyes possessed of the spirit sight, and her words cut like jagged glass dragged upon the flesh of your soul. With a single query she can reduce a man to a gibbering, wretched thing, and only the steeliest of resolve can shield itself from her accusatory spite.  The first of the keys to the locks to the door are yours upon your completion of this task. Only when the door is open will you free yourself of the torment you have knowingly invited. You, who began your quest in pursuit of power, will end it in pursuit of peace. I warn you, beseech you, do not tread this path. Though I am bound by my own misdoing to instruct you, whoever you may be, I am free to tell you that you must not, cannot, do this.  What have I done?
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If you're anything like me, you're a devil worshipper.  There's just something glorious about a truly demonic demon, one that embodies the spirit of the classics -- a big, red, horny, behooved, gleefully evil beast-man f...

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Study names GameStop the 10th worst workplace in America


Aug 13
// Jim Sterling
Glassdoor, an analyst firm that lets employees rate their employers, has published study results labeling GameStop the tenth worst place to work in America. Of course, anybody who has ever been in one can report on the dead, ...
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Electronic Arts has announced that it will be twisting the knife into the beleaguered Zynga by taking it to court -- suing the trouble company over its new social game, The Ville. EA alleges that The Ville is a rip-off of The...

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Jimquisition: Why do people hate EA?


Jun 18
// Jim Sterling
Recently, IGN asked EA why people hate EA in an article that seemed designed to dismiss any actual reasons for people hating EA. Hardly surprising, since EA was the one being interviewed about the hate for EA. Looking to set...
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EA kills free Battlefield 3 servers, pushes paid ones


May 11
// Jim Sterling
Electronic Arts has yanked a large number of official DICE and EA servers for Battlefield 3's multiplayer modes on PS3 and Xbox 360, leaving mostly privately rented servers in its place. For those wondering, EA's been leasing...
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Battlefront 3 killed by 'psychopaths' at LucasArts


May 07
// Jim Sterling
Free Radical co-founders David Doak and Steve Ellis and former audio director Graeme Norgate have been chatting to Eurogamer about Star Wars: Battlefront 3, revealing the chain of unsavory events that led to its cancella...
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Notch: EA is methodically destroying gaming


May 03
// Jim Sterling
Minecraft developer Markus "Notch" Persson is angry at Electronic Arts for exploiting the concept of the indie bundle, expressing his distaste for the company's self-made association with independent developers. According to ...
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EA loves COD Elite, wants more subscriptions in games


Feb 03
// Jim Sterling
Electronic Arts has been loving the idea of turning games into ongoing "services" for a while, and it appears to be drawing a lot of inspiration from Activision's Call of Duty Elite. Praising the rival's service, CEO John Ric...
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Zynga appears to have given up on copying its own games over and over, and has moved on to the straightforward plagiarizing of other peoples' work. Dream Heights is Tiny Tower to the core, the only difference being Zynga's in...

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Jimquisition: Piracy Episode 1 - Copyright


Jan 23
// Jim Sterling
Piracy is one of those issues that will absolutely never die, like the secrets of the Bermuda Triangle or the truth of the Zelda Timeline. I have always had a set view on piracy -- it's not the worst crime in the world, but ...
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ESA spent $190,000 to support PIPA lobbyists


Jan 17
// Jim Sterling
The Entertainment Software Association has come under heavy criticism for its express support of SOPA, but recent detective work has uncovered a far sleazier transgression -- Kotaku reports that the ESA spent a reported $190,...
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EA will ban you from games if someone else swears at you


Dec 05
// Jim Sterling
Electronic Arts has been catching heat for its stupid policy that bans customers from their legally bought games if they break rules on the forums. Despite all the bad publicity, however, EA isn't fixing the issue -- it's get...
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Oh, EA: Subscription charges added to Tetris mobile app


Dec 02
// Jim Sterling
Oh, EA! What have you cheeky scamps gone and done now? It would seem you've added a subscription service to a Tetris app of all things. Now why would you go and do something as positively zany as that? Electronic Arts has rel...
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Publishers back Blockbuster rentals to fight used games


Nov 21
// Jim Sterling
Blockbuster has said that it's seen a lot of support from game publishers over its increased game rental plans, because they help erode the impact of used games. Apparently, companies receive quite the kickback from rentals, ...
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Rumor: EA wants Wii U to exclusively use Origin


Nov 14
// Jim Sterling
According to the latest gossip, Electronic Arts is "aggressively" pursuing exclusive digital distribution rights on Nintendo's Wii U by having it use Origin. The idea would be that EA can force Origin onto a wider b...
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Activision argues that it's not an evil empire


Apr 14
// Jim Sterling
Monolithic empire Activision has argued that it is not monolithic empire, arguing that its reputation as a festering hub of evil is the price of being the number one publisher in the business. I'm sure the goat sacrifices and...
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Co-founder finds Activision hate 'a little bit strong'


Feb 22
// Jim Sterling
Activision co-founder Alan Miller believes that the resentment some gamers feel toward the evil publisher is a bit "strong" and has suggested we tone it down a bit. "As a publisher, you’re taking the risk," he said. "An...
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Activision: Hating us not realistic, akin to PS3 bashing


Dec 16
// Jim Sterling
Evil publisher Activision is pretty hated by the gaming community, mostly for being evil. The company's Publishing CEO, Eric Hirshberg, believes that the hate isn't founded in reality, and is rather similar to the bashin...
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Best Buy charging $30 for PS3 firmware updates


Oct 05
// Jim Sterling
If exploitation of ignorance were a crime, then Best Buy and its "Geek Squad" thralls would be hanged by the neck until dead. The latest way in which Best Buy is profiting from the stupid is by charging $30 for Sony's free fi...
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Kotick: Electronic Arts has 'lost its way'


Sep 27
// Jim Sterling
Activision and Electronic Arts have never been the best of friends, but Bobby Kotick's recent interview with Edge magazine has really gone for the jugular. Claiming that EA has "lost its way", the Activision CEO believes only...
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Kotick: Sony, MS, EA will 'struggle' against Activision


Sep 21
// Jim Sterling
Activision CEO and professional supervillain Bobby Kotick has stated that Activision views Facebook as a bigger competitor than Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo or Electronic Arts, adding that traditional gaming publishers will "str...
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Kotick: Bungie is the last high quality indie dev left


Sep 20
// Jim Sterling
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Activision CEO Bobby Kotick has said some outrageous things in his time -- ranging from stupid to downright evil -- but this comment, in which he essentially discredit...
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Zynga boss allegedly hates innovation, loves evil


Sep 09
// Jim Sterling
A former Zynga employee has spilled the beans on boss Mark Pincus, alleging that he encourages the theft of ideas and going so far as to call the FarmVille developer evil.  The ex-worker claims that Pincus said these exa...
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Activision Blizzard charging more for Starcraft 2 in UK


Jul 27
// Jim Sterling
Activision's done it again! Continuing its strategy of charging UK gamers extra money just because it can, Starcraft 2's publisher is offering the highly anticipated strategy sequel at an inflated retail price. Activision has...

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