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I got the robot because you were too slowbot: I have dibs on Claptrap photo
I got the robot because you were too slowbot: I have dibs on Claptrap
by Brett Makedonski

It's really not all that long until Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel comes out, and you've already made a grave mistake. You didn't call dibs on Claptrap. Know how I know that? Because I'm writing this post right now. If you called dibs, I'd be doing something dumb like whatever dumb thing you're doing in your dumb life this very second.

But you didn't. I did. For whatever reason, my peers have laid claim to the three characters in the game not worth fighting over. Darren misguidedly called Athena, Chris dun goofed by picking Wilhelm, and Abel most likely got comedically knocked upside the head by a two-by-four just prior to choosing Nisha. Let them; their poor judgment will be their undoing. I have dibs on Claptrap.

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12:00 PM on 10.12.2014

To all you would-be Borderlands cowboys and cowgirls, I have dibs on Nisha

"Behind every great man is a great woman." Screw that, says Nisha. While Handsome Jack is sitting in a climate-controlled bunker, cowering from the awesome might of the Vault Hunters and bandit gangs, Nisha fights her enemies...

Abel Girmay

4:00 PM on 10.11.2014

Attention Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel buyers: I have dibs on Wilhelm

Back in 2012 I had dibs on Zer0 from Borderlands 2. I didn't regret it! I completed the game several times with him and embarked upon the DLC with a smile on my face. But Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel doesn't have Zer0, which is a major bummer. Instead, I'll be rocking Wilhelm. One ninja's loss is another epic beard's gain.

Chris Carter



Watch us beat the last boss of Skyrim photo
Watch us beat the last boss of Skyrim
by Max Scoville



Okay, that's it. We're done. Skyrim is vanquished, and Ronnie James Dio can now mount his big clean tiger and ride it down into the midnight sea full of shiny diamonds like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue. Or something.

Who knows, maybe Dio's adventures in Skyrim will continue someday... But, Bill just showed up with a copy of Ride To Hell: Retribution, so I think we're gonna go play that instead.

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On Just Saiyan, we may be playing Dragon Ball, but we're thinking about Demolition Man photo
On Just Saiyan, we may be playing Dragon Ball, but we're thinking about Demolition Man
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I are beating up clones of General Metallitron in Dragon Ball: Advanced Adventure, and talking about licensed videogames, and how, at any given moment, you should probably be watching Demolition Man.

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To any Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel players out there: I have dibs on Athena photo
To any Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel players out there: I have dibs on Athena
by Darren Nakamura

Two years ago, Chris, Tara, Conrad, and Andy each called dibs on a Vault Hunter for Borderlands 2 before I ever could, and so I was never able to play it. All I could do was sit there looking at my copy, wishing I had called dibs first. I will not make that same mistake twice.

I have dibs on Athena. Simply put, Athena is the best. Don't worry, there are three other perfectly okay Vault Hunters for you to choose from. You should be all right, I guess. Anyway, here's why Athena is the best and I call dibs on her.

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I went on another adventure in Rust and everyone just kept killing me photo
I went on another adventure in Rust and everyone just kept killing me
by Jordan Devore

A lot has changed in the months since I last checked in with Rust, Facepunch's multiplayer survival sandbox on Steam Early Access, but much of the brutal experience remains the same.

The so-called reboot has become the default choice when launching the game on Steam, while the original version -- which remains playable, I should add -- is now marked as "legacy."

There's still plenty of humorous unfinished technical stuff, to be sure, but it's coming along.

(Warning: tons of pictures ahead and some of them show butts!)

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Ronnie James Dio is lost in a cairn photo
Ronnie James Dio is lost in a cairn
by Max Scoville



My old roommate told me there's some trick to Skyrim dungeons where if you follow one of the walls all the way around, you'll find the exit, or something, but I never listened to him. I'm still actually mad because he buckled my frying pan by dunking it in cold water, so now it rises up in the middle, so when I cook eggs, they always run off to one side. He's a good guy, though. He played an archer with like a level 100 sneak, and then his PS3 bricked. Poor guy.

Here's some more of our Ronnie James Dio vi-DIO series. Ahem. Video. 

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Hardline 32: Alien: Isolation finally gets it right photo
Hardline 32: Alien: Isolation finally gets it right
by Jordan Devore

For this week's podcast, Bill and Brett spoke with me about the first few hours of Alien: Isolation and how its hulking Xenomorph is among the scariest videogame enemies ever conceived. Lot of Alien talk this episode, including an obligatory nod to Colonial Marines' crappiness. Like you do.

We also chatted about how Super Smash Bros. is good but far from ideal on 3DS, those hilarious botched face scans in NBA 2K15 that are making the rounds, and Evolve's upcoming alpha.

For the audio-only episode, you can subscribe on iTunes and RSS or download directly.

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The game trailers with the most feels photo
The game trailers with the most feels
by Dale North

I'm easy. And I think you are, too. Those debut game trailers get me every time. It usually goes like this:

Stirring, slow beds of strings and woodwinds underlay a dramatic shot; an extreme closeup of some unknown character. Or, maybe a well-known one. Just the eyeball, or just the face. Pan out. Wide, lush landscapes that take the breath away. Maybe sunny and bright. Maybe foggy and mysterious. The music increases in tempo and loudness. Quick cuts! Sword slashes. All-white flashes. Strings crescendo as they build via agiato. The heart rate quickens. Fast. Faster! Then, boom. Quiet. Black screen. Some sounds, or maybe some dialogue. Slow, slow text. Subwoofers do something. Fade...

Logo. 

[breathlessness]

AAAAAH!

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2:30 PM on 10.09.2014

Ronnie James Dio kicks a little wagon around

Our ongoing look at what it would be like if the late heavy metal icon Ronnie James Dio continues his exploration of Skyrim. I like to think, in a decade or so, people will look back on this video series the same way they on that Ken Burns documentary about that thing that he did. 

Max Scoville



Just Saiyan is back with more Dragon Ball Advance Adventure! photo
Just Saiyan is back with more Dragon Ball Advance Adventure!
by Bill Zoeker

Max and I were finally able to resume our series of playing Dragon Ball games, and talking about which Dragon Ball characters are cool and sexually attractive. This is the first of many more to come, so enjoy... unless you don't like Dragon Ball, in which case; why did you click a post with "Saiyan" in the title?

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I have a problem and its name is Clicker Heroes photo
I have a problem and its name is Clicker Heroes
by Jordan Devore

They did it. Someone finally made an "idle game" that stuck with me and now here I am, almost two weeks later, still obsessing. Clicker Heroes has succeeded where Cookie Clicker failed.

Granted, it's the same basic premise: click on some things to accrue currency, then spend it on upgrades to make the money flow faster. It does not stop, not even when you close your browser because, shortly into playing, you'll no longer need to actively click. But you will anyway.

Clicker Heroes is progress for the sake of progress. But knowing that -- realizing you're not having "fun" -- doesn't matter. Any feelings of regret that begin to bubble up over wasted time spent playing this silly game when you could be doing literally anything else will be overpowered by how good it feels to buy that new upgrade, or beat a certain boss who's giving you trouble.

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Shadow of Mordor's Nemesis system signals the true beginning of this generation photo
Shadow of Mordor's Nemesis system signals the true beginning of this generation
by Nic Rowen

It's bad enough dying a humiliating death at the hands of some random orc, but "Azdush the Dung Collector?" Really? He couldn't have been "Azdush the Shield Breaker" or "Azdush the Invincible?"

I could have taken a bit of consolation dying to someone with a straight-up badass name like that. But The Dung Collector? I knew I'd never live it down, and his constant taunting certainly made sure of that.

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Let's play Skyrim and offend some Metallica fans photo
Let's play Skyrim and offend some Metallica fans
by Max Scoville

As Ronnie James Dio continues through the land of Skyrim on his stolen horse, we turn our magnifying glasses of journalistic criticism and nitpickery on Metallica and U2. What is the relationship between these two bands of musicians?

Watch our dumb video to find out. 

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1:00 PM on 10.06.2014

One dev spent two years making the Notre Dame in Assassin's Creed Unity

The Paris depicted in Assassin's Creed Unity is shaping up to be a juggernaut among videogame cities. Larger than all other Assassin's Creed locales to date and significantly more detailed, the development team is t...

Brett Makedonski