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Destroyer of Wallets

Attention children in Texas: Please note a change to Destructoid's usage policy

Feb 18 // Niero Gonzalez
Destructoid would also like to inform you that the likelihood of coming face to face anus-dwelling ice-cream selling rapists increases by 1400% when creating an account. These are very sick individuals and should be reported to the authorities upon medical removal from your sphincter. In the event that someone has already found their way inside your anus in the last two years and have been living in there without food or water, please bend over and ask their full legal names so that our attorneys can correctly address the welfare checks that your attorney general is so dutifully collecting on their behalf. We'll save him the trouble and shove them straight up your ass!  WHAT YOU CAN DO  Like I said, you should probably start stretching for the epic ass-pounding surely about to come your way any minute. Quick, unplug the computer and hide under your bed and wait for the attorney general's signal and pray, child! Pray hard! While you're down there bless the Cowboys, bless the oil industry that powers our vehicles towards the game retail centers, and write your congressman a letter about putting Dallas back on prime time TV. EXISTING MEMBERS Please observe the change in policy and note that Destructoid is now a site published strictly for the use of adult humans and teenage mountain goats with parental permission.  By using this site you consent to suffer suffer carpel-tunnel syndrome, declining grades, bad breath, an unhealthy affinity for pizza rolls, and a sharp disposition about what's really going in the video game industry. You might also spontaneously burst into flames.IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO REPENTSo heed my warning: unless you're ready to face FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES, do not create an account on Destructoid. Or just ask your parents and make sure it's cool. They can contact me, your humble webmaster (whom is neither a pedophile, colon spelunker, or rapist ... yet), if they have any questions. Seriously though, there's some dark adult humor on this site. If they're not careful you're going to end up sounding like me and scare the shit out of your English teacher and aunties.   Also, eat your fucking vitamins before I also get sued for your Niacin deficiency.  
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In light of recent litigation that has been brought to my attention, I felt that it is my role as the webmaster of this video game site to announce the following change in user policy for the safety of those impressionable mi...

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