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Assassin's Creed photo
From boring to broken in just 10 minutes
Oh boy... Max and I jumped into Assassin's Creed Unity. Max started out cautiously excited at what this new iteration might bring, while I have never been at all interested in the series. It's not long before both of our sentiments landed at the same astonished disappointment. Trust me, it only gets uglier from here.

Call of Duty photo
Call of Duty

While playing CoD: Advanced Warfare, we posit that Nintendo hates condoms


Condamned if you do, condamned if you don't
Nov 13
// Bill Zoeker
We're now reaching the point in our Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare play session where Max thinks critically about the game's narrative mechanics and then we talk about condoms for like five minutes.
Call of Duty photo
Press 'Gun' to boner
Max and I were playing Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare while hungover, and started devolving into dumber and dumber jokes, and then Max busts out a term like "jingoistic proto-fascism" because we're a couple of San Francisco hipsters who definitely don't have informed, individually refined opinions about things because the world is a vampire and everything is fake.

Call of Duty photo
I like to shred 'crete on the reg
Max and I continue to fumble around in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, as our minds wander to some predictably stupid places. We talk about meeting an imaginary teen named Stephan at the skate park, how to find "The Boob," and aggravatingly stupid YouTube comments.

Call of Duty photo
Now Golden Girls, on the other hand...
Max and I continue giving the benefit of the doubt to Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare. Max started talking about a crazy theory he has connecting the television shows Gilmore Girls and Californication because his brain was polluted by a combination of oysters and vodka. Don't do booze, kids.

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Ladies...
Max and I got our hands on a copy of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare. We figured we should probably play it because people like to watch men get sweaty in videogames or whatever. Anyway, we recorded this the day after Max's birthday, so we were both pretty hungover, which served to exacerbate our lack of shooter skill and the incoherence of our jokes. Enjoy.

Here's how Halo: Combat Evolved's PC multiplayer looks on Xbox One

Nov 08 // Bill Zoeker
As a little bonus, here's a dumb joke video I made with some of the other footage I captured. [embed]283620:56263:0[/embed]  
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I swear to God, if anyone is confused by that headline...
At a recent Xbox event, I got to play a bunch of multiplayer stuff in Halo: The Master Chief Collection. I was caught off guard when we were suddenly dropped into the online multiplayer for Halo: Combat Evolved's PC version,...

Shadow Warrior photo
That's humanization, homie
Max and I wrap up our dip into Shadow Warrior on PS4. We make weird sex noises, talk about Bone Thugz-N-Harmony, and, I, as always, end up declaring I want to watch Demolition Man.

Shadow Warrior photo
A peek behind the curtain
As we forge on in Shadow Warrior on PS4, Max makes the mistake of letting me play for a bit. Then I ran all the way down the nearby streets and discovers some weird canopied cities filled with inactive robots at the end of the road. And now I have Boyz II Men stuck in my head.

Shadow Warrior photo
Phil Collins was a close guess, right guys?... guys?
Max and I continue our rampage through Shadow Warrior on PS4. We try to figure out who wrote the song "Sledgehammer," and discover the in-game arcade machines. We also decided that everything was made out of raspberry jam.

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Something about demons or whatever
Max and I continue our journey through Shadow Warrior on PS4. We get really confused as to what was going on, so we finally turned on the subtitles. In doing so, we also discover the special weapon skins, including a badass Hotline Miami katana.

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We're doing a drunken livestream of Titan Souls


Hopefully the booze will dull the pain of repeated failure
Oct 29
// Bill Zoeker
[Disclosure: This stream is sponsored by Devolver Digital in as far as they sent us a build of the game and a couple of strong beers and novelty tankards with which to drink them. Our live commentary will be influenced only b...
Shadow Warrior photo
Huh-huh... "Wang"
Max and I decided to check out Shadow Warrior, which was recently ported from PC to consoles, is a re-imagining of the 1997 game by 3D Realms. It's sort of like Duke Nukem with the culturally ignorant Asian themes of Mortal Kombat. I had my doubts about this game, but as you can see in the video above, I think it's kind of just dumb fun. Also, we rock out to Stan Bush and make dumb jokes.

What I want from Borderlands 3

Oct 28 // Bill Zoeker
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Other than, like, it being announced
[WARNING: This video contains MAJOR SPOILERS for Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel] I finished the story mode in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel the other day which subtly teases what we might be seeing in Borderlands 3. It got me real excited, and seeing as I'm a big old Borderlands nerd; I couldn't help but postulate on what Borderlands 3 might be like... if it ever gets made.

8 things right and 8 things wrong with Smash Bros. Wii U

Oct 27 // Bill Zoeker
[embed]283100:56127:0[/embed]
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Don't get mad! I like the game!
I recently got my hands on Super Smash Bros. For Nintendo Wii U, and holy Bowser babies, are there a lot of new and expanded features! In fact, there is so much new stuff that I could hardly cover it all, so instead I am sharing my boiled-down list of the 8 most interesting things that I think Nintendo has done well for Smash U, and the 8 things I think could use some work.

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Don't do bongs, kids
We're reaching the end of our stupid drunken 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand stream, and not getting any more coherent. We shared our tales of drinking tequila in a basement with actual real-world videogame publisher, Devolver Di...

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But I'd rather not find out
In this segment of our drunken 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand stream, I think we're mostly just getting drowsy. Max talks about the evolution of Eminem and I yell at my roommate for texting me about laundry during the stream.

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Why is 'Ninja Mystery' a space shooter?
Max and I are really getting goofy on Bacardi and Vitamin Water in this portion of our live playthrough of 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. We discover an awesome arcade cabinet called Ninja Mystery in the game. We also talk abou...

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Pig Tennis
Max and I are getting steadily more drunk in this segment of our 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand livestream. We get a little drunkenly political, considerably more stupid, and start to wonder if Nick Robinson will ever show up.

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You put the lime in the Bacardi, and it still tastes terrible
Watch the slow progression of our drunken stupidity as we continue to trudge through 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. In this segment, I try to make my Bacardi and Vitamin Water cocktail less terrible with lime juice, sadly to no avail. Then Max and I poop a bunch of nonsense from our mouths, as usual.

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If you saw a Boz Scaggs record, would you buy it?
Max and I round out the first hour of Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel with groggy, terrible jokes. We also talked about the mysteries of Boz Scaggs. And... stuff.

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We formed a gang called Youngsters With Gumption while playing 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand


Blea-otch!
Oct 18
// Bill Zoeker
Max and I got drunk and played 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand on Destructoid Twitch channel, because we’re idiots. In this installment, the boys discuss Eazy E, Rocky IV, Obie Trice, and ghetto workout videos.
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We played 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand and drank the world's worst cocktails


I couldn't even drink this trash fast enough to get very drunk
Oct 16
// Bill Zoeker
A little while ago, Max and I decided that the best use of our time would be to get absolutely sh*thouse hammered drunk and play 50 Cent: Blood On The Sand on the Destructoid Twitch channel, and because we want to share th...
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I think I started developing Space Madness playing Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel


These jokes are bad, even for me
Oct 16
// Bill Zoeker
Max and I finally made it to Pandora's moon, Elpis, in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel. We're really spacing out at this point, but luckily I was bringing bad jokes and impromptu singing in full effect.
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Max got turned on by my sexy cowlady in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel


He's a polygonist
Oct 15
// Bill Zoeker
Max and I continue to grope around blindly in Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel. Hear us talk about space-related camp movies, and make NBA Jam references. Then Max gets really horny about videogames. Oh, and we shoot psychopaths or whatever...
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I whipped everyone in the first 15 minutes of Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel


Well, not everyone. But I definitely have a problem
Oct 14
// Bill Zoeker
Max and I jumped into Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel so we could hang out with Sp'Australians (Space Australians), and look for Moon Wizards. Max doesn't really care for Borderlands, but I'm a big old dork for it. At least we can agree it's more interesting than Destiny.
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Here's 26 minutes of Far Cry 4 gameplay with commentary


The man (who sucks) with a golden gun
Oct 14
// Bill Zoeker
Max and I got a chance to dick around in an almost-finished build of Far Cry 4, but unfortunately Max went home sick with an earache, so here's my playthrough, along with my impressions. And Max's dumb jokes.
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Sadly, the C'caine Tiger has been un-stabbed to near-extinction
Max was poring through some new Far Cry 4 footage and spotted a few things that he didn't quite understand. Here's his top picks of interesting things he can't explain, because this game isn't out yet and we thought you might want to see some of it because this is a videogame website, you clown.

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On Just Saiyan, we may be playing Dragon Ball, but we're thinking about Demolition Man


Simon Says: Find the Dragon Balls, look out for them all
Oct 11
// Bill Zoeker
Max and I are beating up clones of General Metallitron in Dragon Ball: Advanced Adventure, and talking about licensed videogames, and how, at any given moment, you should probably be watching Demolition Man.
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Find the Dragon Balls, punch bats in the face!
On our journey through Dragon Ball: Advanced Adventure, Max accidentally pulled off a special move I didn't even know was in the game, which confounded and upset me. Also, we talked about The Warriors and grocery store subsidiaries because we have idiot brains.


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