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LIVE! Absinthe vs. The Talos Principle: A Most Distinguished Stream


This is the worst idea we've had since our last idea
Dec 08
You guys might recall (we sure as hell don't) a month or so ago, Devolver Digital sent me and Bill an early build of Titan Souls and a couple large bottles of some sort of ale made by wizards or monks or something. Bill and I... read
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Well. 50 minutes, anyway.
Far Cry 4 is a game I've been looking forward to since ages ago -- and now, it's finally something I can play. Poorly. Here you go, watch us flounder. Go on, we're a mess. read feature

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The Dream of the 70s-90s is alive in Portland
If you live in the Pacific Northwest, perhaps you attended the fifth annual Portland Retro Gaming Expo which took place the weekend before last. If you didn't, well -- here's a lovely pile of photos that the talented Geoffrey... read feature

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Watch this purple robot murder a small boy repeatedly


Look, games are hard sometimes
Oct 13
Today on Just Saiyan: The Dragon Ball Advanced Adventure saga: Bill and I get our asses kicked by this stupid Red Ribbon Army boss fight for most of the video. But, we tell some of our deepest darkest secrets while this is happening.  read
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I am not making this up, guys.
Okay, that's it. We're done. Skyrim is vanquished, and Ronnie James Dio can now mount his big clean tiger and ride it down into the midnight sea full of shiny diamonds like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue. Or somethin... read feature

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Cairn? Cave? Cavern? Something.
My old roommate told me there's some trick to Skyrim dungeons where if you follow one of the walls all the way around, you'll find the exit, or something, but I never listened to him. I'm still actually mad because he buckled... read feature

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Skyrim

Ronnie James Dio kicks a little wagon around


We played a game some more!
Oct 09
Our ongoing look at what it would be like if the late heavy metal icon Ronnie James Dio continues his exploration of Skyrim. I like to think, in a decade or so, people will look back on this video series the same way they on that Ken Burns documentary about that thing that he did.  read
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I'd say U2 fans, too, but who am I kidding
As Ronnie James Dio continues through the land of Skyrim on his stolen horse, we turn our magnifying glasses of journalistic criticism and nitpickery on Metallica and U2. What is the relationship between these two bands of musicians?Watch our dumb video to find out.  read feature

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Dio in Skyrim continues!
In our ongoing attempts to break YouTube by uploading the dumbest things possible into it, thereby short-circuiting the Mother Brain and freeing us all from our virtual imprisonment, we've started the second chunk of our adventures in Skyrim as heavy metal legend Ronnie James Dio. This is a bad video made by dumb people, but those dumb people had fun making it, so there's that. read feature

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Spelunk-rim
Here's the fourth part of the idiotic Skyrim Let's Play series Bill and I have been doing. The hook is this: we're playing Skyrim, but our character KIND OF looks like Ronnie James Dio. So, we're talking about heavy meta... read feature

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D4

Behold, D4's chilling grand finale... or something. Whatever


Xbox, go home
Sep 25
Sometimes playing video games is a fun experience and everyone enjoys themselves. Other times, someone winds up screaming at the TV. That's life. However, I can't remember the last time I found myself screaming "Eat the f*cki... read
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Damn! Dang! Darn! Uhh... Dildos!
I think the lesson Bill and I learned playing D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die is that we need to calibrate the Kinect, and make sure it can see us properly. Beyond that, I'm still unclear what this game is about, and it's vaguely u... read feature

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Look D4 you leap
Okay, so Chris Carter absolutely loved D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die, so Bill and I figured we'd check it out... and uh. Wow. Goodness gracious. That certainly is some sort of video game. I think. Honestly, if I didn't have this whole experience on video, I might think there was a gas leak in my house making us go all stupid and insane. read feature

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...And we're just getting around to posting this now.
Our pal Mike Cosimano (who, in all seriousness rivals Jonathan Holmes when it comes to kindness and all-around positivity) was our video editing man at PAX Prime earlier this month. I made sure he got a chance to check out s... read feature

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Has my hype train derailed?
Sunset Overdrive was one of the most exciting announcements to come out of E3 2013, and since then, I've had numerous people say it looks like a game made just for me. For whatever reason, I didn't get a chance to check it ou... read feature

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Princes, plural
Man, Destiny. I seriously can't remember the last game that I felt so ambivalent about, but was so completely hooked on. Here's me and Bill dicking around on the Moon and discussing our general thoughts on the game, and killing the Moon-Princes with a big dumb sword. Is it a "Let's Play?" I don't know. But we're enjoying ourselves, and maybe you'll enjoy watching our enjoyment. read feature

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This one's for you, Morph.
Today there are a bunch of new trailers for games like Assassin's Creed Unity, Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and The Last of Us Remastered (which is on sale) but Bill and I would rather talk about superhero cartoons from twenty years ago, and guns we can't remember the names of in Unreal Tournament.  read feature

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Also, we are eight years old.
Monday is the worst day of the week, so Bill and I are coping with it by drinking blueberry smoothies and talking about wonderful things like superhero nonsense from Comic-Con, Mass Effect's exciting new (old) sharkmobile, Trine 2's awful poetry, Destiny's two unoriginal races, and True Detective, which Bill doesn't like, and therefore isn't allowed to have blueberry smoothies anymore. read feature

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Also, it has been determined that it is a silly game.
As we recently learned, Sunset Overdrive lets players protect their genitals with the head of a green kangaroo, which is a very silly idea. But is that silly enough, in this post-Saints Row world? The answer is "who cares?" because there are also Hawaiian Shirts and Hawaiian Shirts are my jam. read feature

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Anticipation Simulator 2015 pushed back to 2016


Postpwn3d!
Jul 23
Most of us were looking forward to the release of Anticipation Simulator 2015 next fall, so it comes as quite a letdown to hear it's been delayed. This morning, Logjam Studios sent out a rather longwinded press... read
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And make a grass-type sex dungeon...
One of my favorite parts of Pokémon Black & White was the ability to haze your magical pets by dressing them up and having them perform musical theatre, so putting Pikachu in drag in Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby sounds awesome to me. If you want to watch the full Pokémon trailer in all its awkwardly-paced Nintendo-approved sterile family-friendly glory, here it is. read feature

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Also, Raiden gets even more annoying moves
For whatever reason, AOL accidentally let the cat out of the bag about Tekken 7, which is going to be running on Unreal Engine 4, and now we have a big ol' trailer for the game. Meanwhile, in a different game about guys with dumb hair hitting each other, Raiden has been revealed for Mortal Kombat X, and he seems to have a very loose understanding of what thunder can and can't block out. read feature

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Lemme ride them big lizards
I've liked just about everything I've seen from Dragon Age: Inquisition, which is weird, because historically I've basically avoided the series. Here is literally everything I knew about the previous Dragon Age games go... read feature

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Is this Harry Dean-Stanton's first game appearance? Who cares.
The pre-order bonuses for Alien: Isolation have been announced, and they're really, really cool... but should we take it at some kind of sign? After all, it was a very similar lust for bonuses that led to the crew of The Nostromo investigating the distress signal coming from LV-426, in the process granting passage to the film's titular nightmarish stowaway. read feature

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But you don't have to take my word for it...
Sometimes, when I check my email, I find wonderful things like messages from friends and family, beta invites, or announcements that something I ordered has shipped. Sometimes, I find a pile of press releases. Sometimes they'... read feature

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Because "Canada" sounds like "Kaneda"
Today is Canada day. And since "Canada" sounds kind of, sort of like "Kaneda," the hero of Otomo Katsuhiro's groundbreaking cyberpunk manga-turned-anime Akira, that's reason enough for me to put on my favorite red jacket and talk about one of his favorite pieces of media ever... Japanese, Canadian, or otherwise. read feature

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Look, I know what a laser is. You're not fooling me.
In a lovingly overproduced developer diary, a couple of Sledgehammer bros ran down the exciting new gear in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, including this year's "game-changer," the exo-skeleton, and hyped some of their other groundbreaking innovations such as... as laser. If nothing else, there was an opening for a Mountain Dew joke. read feature

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Will the big lizard be localized?
The King of The Monsters is stomping his big dumb lizard feet all over the Playstation 3 this winter, but only in Japan. Bandai Namco hasn't really given us much else to go on for this game. Will it come out in the west? No idea, but the recent Godzilla movie from Legendary Pictures did pretty well, so who knows. read feature

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...in under 2 minutes!
Sure, you could go watch the whole half-hour demo of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain we saw at E3, but then you don't get to look at my pretty face. Also, an animal shows up at the end of this video! Can you guess what it is?  read feature

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Max and Bill attempt to describe procedural generation
Of all the games we saw at E3, No Man's Sky is probably the most difficult to describe without sounding like we just came down from a mescaline trip. A procedurally-generated universe filled with millions of planets? Each with new and unique flora and fauna? Spaceships that shoot lasers? This is definitely a high concept game. Hopefully, the final product delivers, because it sounds cool as hell. read feature

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Coming to you from my living room
Here's some very flaccid news in the wake of E3 -- Destiny's Alpha is over, with a Beta next month. The game'll be a Sony exclusive in Japan. The new dude from Halo 5: Guardians has been named Agent Locke, and he'll be i... read feature

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This is an extra weird one
Here on Farts 'N' Crafts, we tackle a lot of hard-hitting issues. And by hard-hitting issues, I specifically mean "bodily fluids," which is almost ironic considering the show's title. We've done dog feces, we've gone hedgeho... read feature







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