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Destructoid review: Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings photo
Destructoid review: Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings
by Aaron Linde

If you're feeling bloated and half-retarded from eating enough starch to make a crude cement mix, a strategy RPG might be the last thing on your mind. But don't let something like feeling disgusted with yourself for stealing a final glass of gravy keep you from playing games; abandoning our pastime in favor of a well-deserved food coma would awaken a terrible anger in the spirits of the long-dead pilgrims whose only hope for their progeny was mounds of oily food consumed by the bucket and damn fine portable gaming.

So, don't pass out just yet, brave reader. Hit the jump for our review of Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings

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Destructoid Reviews: The Official Guide photo
Destructoid Reviews: The Official Guide
by Aaron Linde

There's been a general consensus among Destructoid staff and readership alike that clarification of our reviews process and metrics has been sorely needed for some time, and it's something that I've been wanting to do for awhile. Our reviews have changed a lot in the last six months or so, and the occasional redefinition of our aims and goals with the content is never a bad thing, especially if it keeps us level with our homies. That's you!

So, if you're curious as to what the Destructoid review crew is about and how our content comes together, we'll be explaining things in detail here. Hopefully, this'll clear up any confusion and prevent anybody from calling in a hit on ol' Linde in the event that I rate Halo 6: Zany Beach Party Adventures a pathetic 8.5.

We dump tremendous amounts of time and effort into our reviews and take a great deal of pride in them. Thanks for supporting our efforts, reading our reviews, and tearing eachother into kibble in the comments. Hit the jump for our fearsome manifesto.

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Destructoid review: Super Mario Galaxy photo
Destructoid review: Super Mario Galaxy
by Aaron Linde

Given the hour, I'm assuming that a lot of you are likely waking up to this review. Perhaps some of you have fancies of Nintendo's latest flagship title Super Mario Galaxy dancing in your heads, holdovers from the dreams cultured while you slept. Some others are taking a pass, insisting that Nintendo's latest return to the well is one that you can certainly afford to miss, and reserve your anticipations for the remainder of the holiday season's big releases. I mean, Mass Effect has naked ladies in it, after all. 

I'd like to think that no matter how hardcore we think ourselves to be, we haven't grown so cynical and jaded that we've become enemies of fun -- an element of our pastime that, loathe though we might be to admit it, is occasionally ignored in favor of other factors of a particular game. Consider this review a plea: You folks stuck in that aforementioned second group, put aside your apprehensions and get comfy with the blokes in column A.  If you take nothing else away from the following deluge, just bear this in mind: Super Mario Galaxy is about as fun as gaming gets this year. Period.

Hit the jump for the specifics. 

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6:05 PM on 11.09.2007

Super Mario Galaxy touches down in Lindevania [Update: Impressions!]

After days (weeks? [months!?]) of painful anticipation, Super Mario Galaxy finally showed up on my doorstep, thanks to a kindly ol' FedEx delivery driver who knew not the bounty of wonder that he carried. Nintendo also sent a...

Aaron Linde

6:21 PM on 11.08.2007

Pew-Pewin' at the top of the world: EVE Fanfest 2007

I've gone on record more than once over my distaste for MMOs, but EVE Online has always been an exception, an asterisk slapped on an otherwise lengthy list of games I'd sooner rip my toenails off than play. Its single-shard, ...

Aaron Linde

9:58 AM on 11.01.2007

EVE Fanfest 2007: What the hell time is it?

After two hours by shuttle, twelve hours by plane and an hour cab ride into the city, I've finally arrived in Reykjavik for this year's EVE Online Fanfest 2007, CCP's yearly get-together at the top of the world for players, d...

Aaron Linde

9:56 PM on 10.24.2007

Restructuring, layoffs forthcoming at EA, Mythic Studios

Owing to sagging profits and and a less-than-firm grip on their once invulnerable spot at top of the third party heap, Electronic Arts is looking to make some changes in their corporate structure, starting with Mythic and the...

Aaron Linde

3:37 PM on 10.23.2007

Podtoid 34: My Cube, Let Me Show Him To You

What's inside The Orange Box? Sex. Sex and heroin. And with those contents firmly tucked in our pants, we embark upon Podtoid 34, in which two editors of Destructoid (plus one Weekly Geek) cover some news, answer some questio...

Aaron Linde

2:35 PM on 10.21.2007

Podtoid 34: Cakes and Cubes

While some of the staff is off in LA meetin' important people and playin' lots of games, the rest of us are here holding the fort, left home because we're just not pretty enough to represent Destructoid publicly. So us fuglie...

Aaron Linde

My balls are lethal: Super Dodgeball Brawlers announced for NDS photo
My balls are lethal: Super Dodgeball Brawlers announced for NDS
by Aaron Linde

I swear to God I won't let this degenerate into a nostalgia-fest, but c'mon -- Super Dodge Ball was awesome. It taught me two lessons that I reflect upon almost daily in my adult life: first, always run and leap before hurling anything; second, Russian dodgeball players will murder you if you dare so much as blink in the field of battle. It was also my first introduction to Kunio-Kun, Technos' long-running series of titles in which combat, sports, and combat sports took center stage.

An update to the dodgeball end of things comes in the form of Super Dodgeball Brawlers for the DS, set to drop in the US by way of Aksys Games in the Spring of next year. The press release issued by Aksys promises custom characters, team attacks, and finally: the option to drop the ball and beat the undying snot out of your opponents with fists and weapons. Y'know, in case the ball thang ain't doing it for you.

Hit the jump for the release and check the gallery for some screenshots of the upcoming title.

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2:35 PM on 10.19.2007

Beautiful Katamari DLC announced; 800 points will buy you a complete game

Being a fan of rolling, nonsense, and the rampant homoerotic gestures of intergalactic regents, I picked up a copy of Beautiful Katamari earlier this week, eager to sink my teeth into the latest installment of one of my favor...

Aaron Linde

Destructoid review: Final Fantasy Tactics: War of the Lions
by Aaron Linde

Oh god, Final Fantasy Tactics. What I knew in my youth as the Bane of Academia, the Unholy Timeslayer. It's on a shiny new platform and has a nifty subtitle now, some additions and new job classes, but it's the same game and even now threatens to consume us all!

Don't you feel the pull? The temptation? Only 1200 more JP 'til I get Calculator, then I can level up my White Mage and use brlaglhgpgigh no! I shall not be tricked again -- tricked into dumping solid days into this game until I've no time to give, unemployed and without a home, searching for unclaimed power outlets in shopping malls and bus stations to charge my PSP long enough for just one more battle, just one more battle--

Er, sorry. Please excuse me. That was... y'know, a Nam flashback or something. Anyway, I love Final Fantasy Tactics, and yeah, there's this new version of it on the PSP now, and I've reviewed it and stuff. Don't tell anybody about my little outburst. Hey, there's a jump! Hit that jump and read the review and let's never speak of this again.

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Destructoid review: Portal photo
Destructoid review: Portal
by Aaron Linde

[This is just one of the new games available in The Orange Box. Don't forget to read our reviews of Episode Two and Team Fortress 2, and keep your eyes peeled for forthcoming console reviews.]

It's no big secret that I've been eagerly awaiting Portal since its initial announcement long ago. When I finally got my hands on the game at E3, it was plain to see that Valve had created something special; manipulating the portals by way of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device got me into a whole new mode of thinking. I found myself reevaluating common conventions of first-person titles and had to shake a lot of old habits. Like a drug-addled hippie, I walked away from the game spitting at my colleagues and muttering nonsense about motion and space. These mutterings, naturally, were deftly ignored.

Getting my hands on the game proper was like an extension of the aforementioned acid-esque experience. It was incredible, it was gripping, it was a promising new addiction, it was -- over?

Hey, wait a minute!

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2:58 PM on 10.09.2007

Podtoid 33: Satellite Delay

I think I totally jinxed us when I was talking about, y'know, delays when soliciting requests for questions this past weekend. Turns out our recording software was listening and said "Hey, I got a crazy idea -- let's mak...

Aaron Linde

7:26 PM on 10.06.2007

Podtoid 33: Can we still be friends?

If I've learned anything from almost a year workin' this gig, it's this: an episode of Podtoid without unexplained delay simply ain't Podtoid. We had some terribly sexy plans for a Tokyo Game Show Wraptoid, but Niero was take...

Aaron Linde

Destructoid review: The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass photo
Destructoid review: The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
by Aaron Linde

Feel that? Zelda's in the air. Oh, that special time of year (or, y'know, span of years) where we finally get our hands on Link's latest adventure in Hyrule -- er, Hyrule or Some Neighboring Kingdom -- and consume ourselves in a land of monsters, swords, bombs and rupees. While we're seeing the games come about with more frequency these days, it still doesn't diminish the hype that hits us in that 'drop what you're doing, sh*tbag! New Zelda!' sort of way.

Link's latest outing is his first on the DS, and the first that we've seen since Nintendo's new philosophy brought about the gaming industry's latest sea change towards games that are so accessible that even your dead grandmother could get a kick out of 'em. Does Phantom Hourglass maintain the legendary standard of gameplay set forth by Nintendo's previous efforts? Will Link's new stylus control have you stabbing yourself in the eye with aforementioned stylus? 

Answers to these questions and more after yonder jump.

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