Here's what I got in our tips inbox this morning:
Subject: PLASMA CUTTER
HELLO MY NAME IS DAVID JOE I SEND THIS ENQUIRY TO YOUR COMPANY IN REGARDS TO ORDER SOME( Plasma Cutter)..I WILL LIKE YOU TO EMAIL ME BACK WITH THE PRICE,SIZE AND THE METHOD OF PAYMENT YOU DO ACCEPT TO PROCEED..
REGARDS
DAVID JOE
David Joe, you must have the wrong address. I don't stock plasma cutters. And trust me, if I had plasma cutters, I would not sell them to you or anyone else. I'd keep them for the inevitable alien attack. Oh, and spam us again and I'll change the orientation of my cutter, aim for your neck, and slice your head off and send it flying into space.
Coming to our Destructoid inbox, this almost seemed like a Dead Space viral. Of course, the Plasma Cutter is a primary weapon in EA's survival horror game. On the real-world plasma cutter, or own Topher Cantler had this to say about it:
"It's essentially a laserbeam that literally cuts through metal like butter. It's pretty much the awesomest thing you can do without getting a naked lady and a couple of panthers involved."
Dale North is Destructoid's Editor-In-Chief, a founding editor, and specialist in Japanese gaming. An accomplished musician, Dale was reporting from Japan during the earthquakes of 2011. Luckily, he got the fuck out alive and is home in America now with his wife and beloved corgi, Einstein. Dale is also a co-founder of Destructoid's sister anime site
Japanator. Likes Corgis, Sega Saturn, PSP, iPhone, Photographic tools.
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Contest:
2:20 PM on 01.18.2010
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Email me your bank account details and credit card number and i'll be glad to send one your way.
You bastards tricked me.
Thank you.
Hmm... Maybe I just wasn't using it right? It was all about the plasma cutter and line gun for me (and occasionally the ripper when I was feeling frisky). Besides those two, I never needed anything else!
Spam me for some plasma cutters and I can guarantee you you'll have my social security number in a heartbeat.
Whenever your neighbour bugs you, just let one loose, "Sorry, I was trimming mah hedgez!"
Either that or world domination.