Welcome to the first ever Destructoid Import Spotlight. Every episode of this feature will take a look at games that never quite make the journey to American shelves. What better way to launch said serial than with Oneechanbara vorteXfor the Xbox 360. I believe the above video just about sums it up: a Japanese cowgirl, in a bikini, with a samurai sword… fighting zombies.
F***king. Awesome.
Hit the jump for more bikini-clad mayhem and details on why those pervy Japs get all the good games while we’re stuck with crappy hand-me-downs like Zelda, Shadow of the Colossus, and Final Fantasy…
The dare, nani, itsu and nazi:
Oneechanbara vorteXis actually the fifth in a long-running series of Oneechanbara games (mainly for the PS2) where two sisters, each raised by a different parent, battle all kinds of evil and look good doing it. Blah blah blah, no one plays these games for their weak attempt at a storyline. This is basically the Rumble Roses of button-mashing hack-and-slashes, and unfortunately, just like RR, this game falls short in the gameplay department. No matter how cool the trailer actually suggests this game could be, God of Warthis is not.
Still, it’s worth a play on principal alone for the ridiculously awesome premise. This is like something a bunch of pre-pubescent kids would think up in their room while watching blurry late-night Cinemax. The fact that it exists at all is awesome in and of itself, but of course, it wouldn’t actually play well. That would probably create a shift in the time-space continuum and end existence as we know it.
However, occasionally bad games end up being somewhat addictive, like P.N.03 for the Gamecube. I hated that game so much, but the more I played it the more I got hooked on trying to unlock suits, rack up high scores and survive the harder difficulties without being hit in the Papillion. For other gamers who still play inexcusable shite like Dynasty Warriors 5, if you’re going to slug your way through the same monotonous crap over and over again for hours on end, you might as well do it as a bikini-clad cowgirl or supermodel / police officer.
Chances of coming to the US:
This video shows that there was a decent amount of interest in bringing the series stateside by the developer, but since Oneechanbara barely slides by on sales in Japan and the fact that this video is quite old, I wouldn’t hold my breath.
there was hope for this game coming to North America, a bunch of promo renders of the characters and bosses showed up on D3's US file site. But still no word on it.
man I want this game, I don't care how crappy it probably is!
Wow, I smelt the odor of this suctactis and recockulous game when I saw the preview on XPlay... and seeing it again has brought the need for me to bathe in tomato juice again for a week.
On the bright side, the tomato juice makes a great sloppy joe sandwich after the week is done.
Oh I get it, she's in her underwear because zombies attacked while she was in the shower, and didn't have time to put on something more substantial. Also, I've seen the male cops in that city, and they wear the same uniform as the females. It's not pretty.
Oddly enough, my computer started playing "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" halfway through the video.
It's not that bad. If it were a budget title, I'd get it. Not because of the girls or anything, though they don't hurt, but I love anything with tons of blood and gore and of course zombies. They should bring it to the US as a budget title.
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Contest:
6:59 PM on 07.10.2007
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man I want this game, I don't care how crappy it probably is!
Yep, sounds like a sell out to me! I'd laugh if they put in a one handed control scheme for the loser who uses this for fun time.
This is like a Tarantino-Rodriguez fantasy come true. In VG format. I'm soooo sweeteyeing an xbox after this.
I thought Japan didn't give two shits about FPSes? its all about the TPSes for them.
Japan has a 1337 group just like America does. I've played with an all-Japanese R6 Vegas clan before and got my ass handed to me.
Oh wait Zendoku... never mind.
On the bright side, the tomato juice makes a great sloppy joe sandwich after the week is done.
Oddly enough, my computer started playing "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" halfway through the video.
This may be a lame, cheesy gorefest buttonmasher, but they're TRYING.
The Simple2000 series is one I've always wanted to indulge myself in. Zombie Vs. Ambulance? Yes please.
Excuse me while I cry in the corner.