Bionic Commando is like my long lost Junior High girlfriend I met while on summer vacation in Canada. We met at the "Picky Pickins Picnic Day Carnival". It's some weird Canadian tradition thing. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention when my Dad explained it. All I really remember of that summer is her. She had long red hair, which that night seemed to glow pink as she nibbled at her cotton candy. The shine from her braces called out to me like a light house beacon calling a lost ship home. No doubt about it, this feeling was love. It was love at first sight.
When I got back from vacation a few weeks later and told everyone about her, no one believed she was real. "What would a hot girl like that want with a freckle faced No-Friend-Oh like you?" they all said. They had a point. She was too good to be true. I lost confidence and stopped returning her calls, fearful that if she got to know the "real" me she'd break my heart.
In time my memories of her began to fade, but the feelings never died. When ever I see a re-run of the Wonder Years featuring little Winnie Cooper, or if ever I walk by a diner and smell back bacon, all those feelings for her come rushing back to the front of my mind, travel down my face, and exit my mouth in the form of a bittersweet sigh.
Now twenty years later she's found me on the internet. From the pics she emailed to me, she's even prettier than she was back in Junior High. Even if she wasn't, I'd still be excited to hear from her. And your not going to believe this, but she's actually coming to the States for a business trip later this year. She says she's even going to go out of her way on one of the days she's down here to drive out to and see me for dinner. Maybe we'll even make out or something. I'm so excited! I can't believe this is really happening.
This reunion is too big of a deal to leave anything up to chance. That means the candles on the dinner table must be strategically angled so that the light hits her face in the most flattering manner possible. The chicken must be cooked with the exact amount of tenderness, neither too juicy (implies I'm careless and overzealous love maker) nor too dry (implies yucky chicken taste). The music that plays when she enters the room must be that slow jam we used to dry hump to in the back of her Daddy's car, and it has to be cued so that the bass comes in just as she takes her seat at the table. Everything about this reunion must be perfect to live up to my rose colored memories of this girl from years gone by. Otherwise, I'm not sure I even want to see her. It might be too heart breaking.
It's this same sort of thinking that makes it so important to me that Bionic Commando (the 2D/3D remake of the original or the all new game) be delivered via Wii-Remote. Everything has got to be perfect for this one to live up to my long time love of the original NES Bionic Commando. I could go into why perfect = Wii port, but why bother? You don't really care what I think, do you? You just want to win that contest I mentioned. So here we go!
To enter all you need to do is submit proof of your undying love for Bionic Commando. This can be in form of a long winded narrative metaphor like the one above, a song, video, photoshop, photograph, drawing, poetry, found footage, fake screen shot, fake street sign, fake movie poster, Bionic Commando sequel/spin off idea, rant of outrage over how much you hate the upcoming Bionic Commando games (even though you haven't even played them yet), what ever you think will best convey your feelings of love for Bionic Commando. A perfect example for an entry would be this custom Bionic Commando action figure our own BlindsideDork found on Ebay.
This entry would be a contender not so much for it's craftsmanship, but for copious amounts of love that went into making it. You don't have to be a master toy maker to win this sucker. Again, it's all about the love.
Post a link or other means for acquisition of your entry here in the comments. You can enter as many times as you want, so don't feel bad if your first video of Hitler's head exploding wasn't as good as you wanted it to be. You can always make another. Winners will be judged by the Destructoid staff. The contest ends once a decision on a Wii port of either upcoming Bionic Commando games is made, or once either game is released, which ever comes first. So enter as soon as you can, you never know when that next announcement will drop.
Oh yeah, and for your submission(s) to count you also have to sign the petition for a Wii port. Sign with your D-toid screen name so I know it's you. Doing so will officially "activate" your entry. If all you do is sign this petition with you D-toid screen name and make note of it with a comment in this post, that counts as an act of love for Bionic Commando, and is therefore considered an official entry into this contest. If you really love Bionic Commando, you'd sign a petition for the game to be on the WonderSwan Color. When you truly love a game, you want for it to be free to roam to all consoles so the whole world of gamers can enjoy it.
And before all you Scrooges out there jump to your keyboards with new, witty ways to say "Online petitions don't work", let me say it for you. Online petitions don't work. Neither do fifty percent of marriages, yet you are probably still hoping to get hitched some day. Look at the glass as half full for a change and just sign the damn thing, god damn it!
Oh, and no "2 girls, 1 Bionic Commando" entries please. If it would get deleted as a comment or a C-blog due to pornographic or other "inappropriate" content, it can't be an entry. But you probably knew that, right?
First prize winners (1) will get the Capcom Wii game of their choice, Capcom Classics Mini Mix for the GameBoy Advance (which includes a port of the NES Bionic Commando), and a hand drawn picture by me of Mr Destructoid and my Canadian ex-girlfriend in a Bionic Commando themed situation.
Second Prize Winners (3) will get Capcom Classics Mini Mix and a picture.
Third Prize winners (6) just get a picture. Hey, maybe it will be worth something some day.
Let the contest begin!
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21 comments + 95764 views
I love Bionic Commando so much that I've never even played it!
Yeah I know. Blasphemy. But looking at the remake it looks like a helluva lot of fun and I really want to get it when it comes out.
And I signed the petition.
Hell yes.
I signed. #8893.
After looking at the trailer on PSN, I think you can forget about a Wii port. Unless they're making a PS2 version you could port over.
Hmmm, I have a plan :D
Keep hope alive
nice post, ive signed and i dont even own a wii, how nice is that.
I signed the petition. I'm #8919
I'll be doing a Bionic Commando cosplay as well. I just want to know two things.
Are there multiple entries?
When does this contest end?
I knew I wasn't the only one who had it bad... Good job, John.
I signed the petition. I'm #8919
I'll be doing a Bionic Commando cosplay as well. I just want to know two things.
Are there multiple entries?
When does this contest end?
Hey Nintendo fanboys, forget about a Wii port, the Wii cannot handle the game. It could only handle a brand new game made with a different engine because it is so subpar compared to the rest of the consoles.
I'm confused... is the red head real or just a metaphor for Bionic Commando? I guess what I'm saying is "pics or it didn't happen".
Light Thrower : No need to try and be a jerk about it, but just to correct you, remember the Spiderman 3 port? Yes, they did it with Spiderman 3, while sacrificing alot of things that made it great.
Hey I'm just saying they CAN do it, but if it's good or not is entirely decided by how lazy Capcom will be when porting it. I own the Wii and a 360, so I don't care either way. I'm just playing Devil's advocate here.
So this game is apparently the greatest thing since sliced bread to this journalist (I agree) but he only has a Wii so he says he'll never own it? Take the plunge and expand your inventory, Man!
omfg I just saw the reloaded screens. that is amazing, we need more 2d plane games in 3D and/or HD sprites
May I suggest that the first place winner select Zack & Wiki for the Wii game.
@Snaileb They sure CAN do it, but only with a different engine and that means a lot of money. That's why they wanna know if people will buy it i guess (since 3rd party titles on the Wii don't sell at all).
I don't get it...
You're saying that if it's not on the Wii, you won't play it? Does that mean you don't have EITHER of the other "next gen" systems? Are you like Destructoid's Nintendo correspondent?
And c'mon, people. Would you rather have a crappy, gimped version of the REAL Bionic Commando sequel (with added waggle) or the actual game the developers have probably been planning on making for a long long time now?
This is the entire POINT of the Wii. It DOESN'T have the same games as the other systems because it's not about the graphic-laden and otherwise advanced games.
Yes Lightthrower, you're completely right. In all actuallity, if this does well, then they will probably port the game or make a completely new one with the profits.
Capcom games have sold pretty well on the Wii, but most 3rd party titles are just complete shit.
You weren't kidding about the rambling...
Uh, I'll take the XBLA version please. And a port of the original for the VC just to fill out my set.
Mini Mix is already rocking my GBA.
Bionic Commando and Strider are favorites of mine. I bought Strider immediately after I ditched my Power Glove and got a refund. Because of that Power Glove mistake, I learned of four things that Xmas.
1. The power glove was a joke.
2. Strider was amazingly cool.
3. DuckTales was 10X cooler.
4. The NES Advantage was my new controller of choice from there on out.
This is the strangest thing I've read on the internet in a long time. I, too, wonder if the girlfriend is real or just a metaphor. Canadian girlfriends are urban legends in junior high (see "The Breakfast Club"). Does she know you are pimping her out as incentive to drum up support for a vdeogame?
I've never played Bionic Commando. I, too, only have a Wii. And Zack & Wiki is an awesome game. I don't understand how it could've flopped with all the praise it gets online.
I'll sign your petition if I can do it from my phone.
Hells yes! Wii-tastic Bionic Commando would be the greatest thing ever. Better than beef stew!
Signing right now.
Honestly, get a 360. The Wii is a great system to have but you can't have it as your only system. You just can't. You'll be so starved for games all you'll be doing all day is signing petitions to get games you could be playing already on 360.
The NES Bionic Commando will undoubtedly hit the VC and *maybe* ReArmed could be done as a WiiWare title, but I don't understand these demands for 360/PS3 games to hit the Wii. They just aren't possible. Sure they could make a game called Bionic Commando for the Wii but it isn't going to be anything like the 360 game. Same goes for RE5.
I want *original* titles on the Wii, stuff that can't be done on any other system, or would be less than ideal on another system. Like Zack and Wiki. Sam and Max I would probably choose to play on Wii over anything else but 99 times out of 100 I'm gonna play multiplatform games on the 360.
The bottom line is, if you've chosen the Wii as your only system, you have got to get used to missing out on a lot of games.
Seriously, the physics on this thing just make me cringe every time I see it. Even the side-scroller remake (which I definitely will be getting) makes it look like an effort to grapple and retrieve a barrel. Yet the new protagonist can somehow grapple a car and pick it up?
Protip: If it's lighter than you, the grapple arm pulls it to you. If it's heavier than you, the grappling arm pulls you to it. They got this mechanic right on the NES, for crying out loud.
I love you guys, big time!
Yay!!
The only online petition I've ever seen work was the one to get Spider-Girl to keep publishing...so this petition is way better than that one...#8996 on the petition list
Sorry, I gotta pass on signing this petition because I don't think it should be on Wii. DinnertimeNinja made most of my points: if it's a Wii game, it should be developed with the Wii in mind. Otherwise, you're getting the same old game experience with downgraded graphics and tacked-on waggle.
Quick question:
Why do you people want the game ported to the wii? is it the only console you own?
I agree with AgentMOO, if you wanna play the game, just get a 360/PS3, end of story. The real petitions are the ones where the games are not TRANSLATED. You know like Namco X Capcom? A petition for a game to get ported when it's already on two english systems is just dumb and childish.
@AgentMOO:
Yes. That, and Wiimote grappling.
I love Bionic Commando so much I bought it for $3 used a couple years back even though I'd never played it. Also, I shot a rocket at Hitler. Not in the game, I mean back in WWII.
shopping ftw!
@ANC
Wii controls would take a lot of attention to detail to be worth it, Ports typically don't do this well.
The one huge exception is the godfather, that game was 100x better on the wii than the 360 because of what the controls added. EA took a long time and nailed it perfect with their port, if Capcom did that, I'd roll around on the floor giggling wildly with glee.
Imo, the 2D/3D remake should make it to the Wii. The new one would just have inferior graphics and goodness knows what else.
Ok, I'll cave. Here's a list of the reasons I want the new Bionic Commando on the Wii over the 360/PS3.
1) I am completly spoiled by Wii-Remote pointer controls.
2) And that's it!
It's not a very long list, but by my standards it's long enough. After I playing RE4 and Metroid Prime 3 on the Wii, I just can't go back to aiming with analog sticks. It's such a down grade, like trying to use a spoon and pen to carve and eat a steak, or brushing your vanilla frosting and rinsing them with Coke-A-Cola.
Actually, that last one is pretty fun, but you know what I mean.
But perhaps more importantly Bionic Commando was meant to be a Wii game. The motion controls the Wii is capable of are practically custom made for Bionic Arm style beat downs. To argue otherwise is the same as just coming right out and saying "I hate the Wii because it's not the 360 or the PS3". It's blind dislike of a console for the sake of disliking it, and not to be listened to.
Now if some one had already made a Wii-Remote controller rip off for the 360 or the PS3, I would never have started this contest. In fact, I might not even own a Wii. But that's a topic for another petition.
As for Bionic Commando Rearmed (the 2D/3D remake of the NES original), that I'm less militant about. I'll get it for the 360 for sure, but I would want it on the Wii just because I prefer the NES style control the Wii-Remote offers. I'm nostalgic like that.
But more for Capcom's sake, I want them to bring both their new Bionic Commando games to the Nintendo consoles where they actually have a fan base. If you were a huge fan of the NES in general, then you were likely a huge fan of Bionic Commando, and you are likely also a fan of the Wii due to the Virtual Console and the DS due to all the new NES era series still chuning out new titles on the portable (Mega Man, Contra, 2D Mario, Castlevania, etc).
Just as Mega Man Powered Up couldn't find it's fans on the PSP because they had all bought a DS, and how Resident Evil: Deadly Silence didn't find it's fans on the DS because they had all bought the PSP, Bionic Commando could very well fail on the 360 and PS3 because a lot of it's fans only own a Wii.
And to the few of you who are actually against a Wii port of Bionic Commando, why the frown(s_ Charlie Brown(s)? Just because it's a Wii port doesn't mean it will suck. RE4 ported to the PS2 didn't suck. Ninja Gaiden ported to the PS3 didn't suck. Many of the Wii ports thus far haven't sucked. In fact, assuming any game will suck...sucks. Try not to do that. You'll live a longer, happier life.
Just turn those frowns upside down, fellas!
@JHolmes:
I understand your need for the Wiimote pointer controls, but would you really refuse to Bionic Commando if it didn't come out for the Wii?
Oh and I want the Bionic Commando Rearmed on the Wii as WiiWare...its kinda silly that its not coming out...the ps3/360 version doesnt matter since I've got a 360. either way doesnt the new BC look like Spiderman 3 to anybody else?
@ Sam. I wont necessarily refuse the new BC on the 360 just because it lacks pointer controls. I'll play it first, and if it's fun, of course I'll buy it. But I would be a lot more confident in the game if the pointer controls were confirmed.
@ manasteel- Yeah, the similarity is pretty clear.
i have signed....gimme
petition signed. number 10700
perhaps i'll do something creative later.
and internet petitions work 0.026% of the time. I've seen it
Oh, Snaileb, I can't believe I haven't got back to you yet.
As for your questions,
1) There are multiple entries.
2) The deadline for this contest is either when an announcement either way on the Wii port (for either rearmed or the all new BC game), or when both games are released on other consoles. So you probably have a month at the very least.
I signed it. 11166 Signatures Total
Yay.
I signed the petition. Signature #11283.
I just tried to sign it, and it said "Access blocked."
That counts, PraiseCahos.
http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/MunnyJive/my-entry-in-the-bionic-comando-wii-petition-contest-69456.phtml
hahaha #13906 on the petition!
wow, little momentum with the petition, but I signed. #14184
a wii port would rock my socks.
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