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Gyroetsu Nageloop

I think Gyoretsu Nageloop has FMV lesbian grenade ninja

9:00 PM on 08.19.2012 // Jonathan Holmes

Gyroetsu Nageloop is a videogame published by Nintendo in Japan for the 3DS eShop. It plays like easily comprehended puzzle game (specifically, like Magnetica) but it's storyline is... well, I'm not really sure what it is. The only thing I'm sure of is that I love it

Here are eight minutes of the game's cut scenes. I can't tell if they're being played in the right order, or if this is the game's story in its entirety. It almost doesn't matter, as there is no possible context in which I could understand what any of this means. This is the kind of stuff that was fairly commonplace in the classic days of FMV, back when the mere fact that a game features real actors was enough to make it cool. 

Don't think this game would sell in the U.S. today? Then you haven't been listening to Micheal Pachter and Alex Hutchinson. According to these guys, all Nintendo needs to do is put Gyoretsu Nageloop in a cardboard box that says "Nintendo" on it, and fanboy-ism and gaming journalism's racism towards Japanese narratives will guarantee that it'll sell like hotcakes. Hotcakes painted in syrup that depicts the faces One Direction!

They might as well localize Captain RainbowFatal Frame IVMother 3Chibi Robo 3Ripening Tingle's Balloon Trip of Love, and countless other Nintendo games that never made it to States while they're at it. If Pachter and Hutchinson's are right, then all of those games would be huge hits in the U.S and Europe. And why weren't Rhythm Heaven Fever, Drill Dozer, Disaster: Day of Crisis, Hotel Dusk, Trace Memory, Earthbound, Chibi Robo (1 and 2), and Tingle's Freshly Picked Rosy Rupeeland successful? They all had weird Japanese storylines, and they all had "Nintendo" written on their boxes, so they all should have sold like crazy, right?

You'd almost think that Pachter and Hutchison were...

Dare I say it?

*whispers* Goofballs *whisters*.

The truth is, I'd love it if these guys were right. I'd love it if every weird, unmarketable Nintendo game sold well, and if Japanese games with surreal narratives were well accepted in the West. If that were the case, I'd never have to import a Nintendo game ever again, and the kinds of games I enjoy would be a much more powerful force in the industry. Sadly, I live in reality, where a lot of Nintendo most interesting games never leave Japan due to the fact that they aren't likely to sell, and almost all of America's favorite games come off like weak imitations of Hollywood movies. 


Jonathan Holmes, Bad Joke Uncle
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