[
It's time for another Monthly Musing -- the monthly community blog theme that provides readers with a chance to get their articles and discussions printed on the frontpage. -- CTZ]
I suck at
Team Fortress 2. I can't rocket-jump worth a damn. I never switch weapons fast enough to get a melee kill. I still use the Backburner, since I don't think fast enough to use the airblast. I rarely take up the team sniper slot. I don't even dare think about using a spy. I'm always at the bottom of the scorecard, and my kill-per-death ratio wouldn't even make a good batting average. My gaming system uses legacy memory and a factory-issued graphics card. I am a newb, in every definition of the word.
It's not exactly like this is a surprise. Since spending my formative years getting spanked at
Goldeneye, I'd spent my gaming life avoiding FPSes. Like
D Sane mentioned in an earlier musing, I, too, never learned to compensate for shaky aiming and the lack of peripheral vision. So, since my only experience was getting gunned down by Klobbs and blown up by proximity mines, (and the occasional soul-scarring
Counter-Strike game), I stayed away from the entire genre, from the days of
007 until just this summer.
A visual interpretation of my rocket-jumping skills.
On a whim, I picked up Team Fortress 2 during its $9.99 offer last Memorial Day. I've played it nearly every day since.
Why do I do it? Why do I subject myself to death after pointless death, getting burned and shotgunned and pipe-bombed and backstabbed endlessly by an entire community of FPS vets running on slick, glowing PCs that make my aught-five E-Machine look like an etch-a-sketch? Why now, after having passed up years of Half-Life, Halo and Call of Duty? Why the hell can't I just get the hint?
I don't even get to be on the scoreboard.
Maybe it's the colorful pseudo-60's backdrop, a stark contrast from the washed-out greys and browns of your average FPS. TF2's world is bright, cartoony, and filled with characters as lovable as they are disposable. Unlike the grim space stations, research facilities and WW2 battlefields of most FPSes, the gratuitous playgrounds of this game are places I can enjoy spending time, no matter how many separate pieces I've been blown into.
Or maybe it's the weaponry. The Force-a-Nature is the most awesome armament ever made this side of the lightsaber, and no amount of frustration is enough to keep me from basking in its wrist-shattering glory. The Syringe Gun is another delightful custom-job the world is worse off for not having invented. From rocket launchers to sticky bombs to hand-held miniguns, the armory is like the Toys R' Us of shooters.
I want one.
Then again, maybe it's just for those few fleeting moments.
Every so often, no matter how useless I turn out most of the time, phenomenal game balance and good old dumb luck combine to put even a marginally competent player like myself at the right place at right time, firing a crit rocket at an obstructing sentry, lighting up a well-hidden spy, or pushing the payload cart uninterrupted from one checkpoint to the next. For every twenty or so pointless deaths I've collected, there's been a time where I've cleaned out an entire capture point with Natascha, sprinted out of the enemy base with briefcase in hand and a medic at my back, or built the gun that kept my team's flag safe for fifteen whole minutes.
That's why I play. That's what makes TF2 stand out among all games. Because no matter how inexperienced the player, no matter how underpowered the system, nobody who learns the basics of teamwork and etiquette is ever totally useless, and, if only for a few heavenly seconds, everyone gets the chance to be the most important person on the battlefield. Stories like the Midnight Run can, with enough patience and mental toughness, happen to absolutely anyone. Even me.
Eventually, I'll learn how to rocket jump and airblast. Someday, I'll get a system more powerful than a PlayStation 2. Maybe I'll even become one of those people who kill more than they die. Until that day comes, though, I'm still going to keep playing. TF2's built for guys like me -- people who can only dream of Alienware rigs and clan warfare, but can never last more than thirty seconds in your average FPS. There's a learning curve. There's a role for everybody. There's a chance for newbs to become a little less newbish.
I suck at Team Fortress 2. And I love every minute of it.
Addendum: Maybe sooner than I thought.
If you're looking for TF2 servers, I highly recommend tf2newbs.com and nom-nom-nom.us.
Contest:
7:40 PM on 08.07.2009
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I'm basically the same with this game, even though I run it (rarely) on my 360.
@Pixel: I'm glad to say I moved on from controllers to classic WASD movement- before then, I was much, much worse at weapon-switching.
@Chesz: When I get better at TF2, I'll end up trying my hand at TF Classic before trying CS again. But, the last time I tried to play CS was at a dearly departed LAN center with some friends- and that was said soul-scarring experience.
@Pendelton: Thanks for the topsauce! In all honesty, I thought it was my FFT musing last month that would get all the accolades rather than this one. I spent weeks planning that piece- I threw this one together in an afternoon to get in the obligatory TF2 musing before anyone else could.
@Zodiac: Looking forward to it. Remember, Medic is always credit to team!
@Other Dtoid players: I realize that this confession means I'm going to be "fat kid" on brbuninstalling for the rest of eternity. Still, frontpage is totally worth it.
And I welcome your public announcement as a FPS-MP target. We are a small and elite group, like the A Team, only with more death.... ok, more like the Suicide Squad in Life of Brian.
THE GRENADE MAGNET OF EVERY ONLINE MATCH SALUTES JT!
You'll get better at TF2; I know because I sucked balls at it when I first played. I've gotten a hell of a lot better now though, and I can come fairly high up the leaderboards. I play on a regular server, so I usually team up with a couple of other guys and when together we're pretty awesome.
20+ is just spam and shitfests that are fun for a couple of minutes, but you can't really shine in those servers.
Just glad to know that I'm not the only one that loves TF2, no matter how terrible I am at it (Which is weird, because I'm pretty good at other FPS games).
Recently I managed to get throught the glass ceiling and regularly have a positive kill/death ratio. It's deeply satisfying.
Team Fortress sucks. Not you.
The weapons are sub-par, and so are the levels... and the game-speed... and the guy announcing winners and losers and so on.
Halo 3. Look into it.
And a bit of advice - The new weapons aren't always better. I use most of the originals, since the new ones depend on the situation. For the FAN to be most effective, you have to be really close. Of course, Pyros will LOVE you for that. Mix and match till you get what you find most comfortable, and you'll enjoy it so much more.
Oh, and for all I can make a heavy medic waste an uber playing Scout and sandman someone across the map, I can't use the Force-a-Nature for the life of me. We all suck at things :D