[It's time for another Monthly Musing -- the monthly community blog theme that provides readers with a chance to get their articles and discussions printed on the frontpage. -- CTZ]   

On a beautiful day, in spite of many glaring issues as a human being, I strolled into my local GameStop. With hesitation and slight unease, I purchased Dead Space. After viewing many gameplay videos and watching all episodes of the Dead Space motion comic, I convinced myself to buy a survival horror game.

For me, the move to buy Dead Space was a risky one. The risk came not only from the $60 price tag, but it also originated from my deep fear of survival horror games. I nearly sweat with most ventures into the genre, and I can't play them with much success as my mood can damn near make me quit playing.

I suck at survival horror games. By that, I mean I can't play them. I am a pussy when handed a scary game. So, when I got home with Dead Space, popped it in, and began, I was unsettled. The game starts out in a sense of urgency, and then, very soon after, you meet the monsters. Deformed cadavers with sharp arms sprinting at me ... The game, from that moment on, was an incredibly tense experience.

I powered through until chapter 2 and near the end of that, I left the game. My return was a lengthy one, not having had the courage to actually go back and submit myself to a scary, sweat inducing, yet admittedly entertaining game. I felt as though it was a chore to go back, and so I didn't, not until I felt the need to justify my purchase. I despised having wasted $60 on a game I'd only played an hour of.

Past Hauntings

To step back a second and shed a little light on my previous horror game experiences, I'll take you with me on my trip through Resident Evil 4. Starting out, Leon is in a small cabin-type house. A man is by the fireplace, and you kill him. Hurrying to the second floor, Leon then leaps out of a window and lands outside surrounded by diseased villagers. After dispatching them, I made my way along a path. Then, I saw a small building, a little tiny wooden structure. A couple of these things were scattered around, but this one I decided to enter.

After eliminating the man inside, I looked to my left. Staring me in the face was a dead women, hanging from the wall by a pitchfork that was rammed through her face. I turned my Gamecube off at that point, and never returned.



My next venture, I suppose, would be BioShock. What an intentionally long lapse in time -- The Gamecube era, all the way to the 360 generation. In this case, I was able to play a large portion of the game. BioShock just wasn't scary. However, like Dead Space, it was tense. Regularly checking behind myself, I always feared attack, and eventually I just stopped. At one point, before even encountering Sander Cohen, I sort of lost a bit of my shit.

I cannot recall the exact way in which this happened, but I'll try to do justice to the experience. In a room, which, I recall, was covered in ash, or some sort of white powder, with lots of pictures on the ground and walls, I heard a Splicer. I walked around the first floor, sauntered upstairs, and no Splicer was found. Why then, could I distinctly hear the sounds of a Spliced up bastard roaming nearby?! It's unfair that I quit a game as a result of a glitch, or a cheap scare, but that was the result.

Resident Evil 4, BioShock, these are heralded as some of the best games of all time, so how could things appear worse? I'm not sure, but I can add icing to this pussy cake: Half-Life 2. Don't flip shit just yet.

Alright, flip shit, this is a tad pathetic. I bought the Orange Box before it even came out in order to access the Team Fortress 2 beta, and with that came Half-Life 2, and Half-Life 2: Episode One. I had heard great things, so I booted up Half-Life 2 and prepared for an awesome time. The beginning is great, despite my stupidity with some puzzles. I quickly progressed, and soon came face to face with the zombies. The zombies are not scary, I know. They're not scary at all! I continued through my first encounter, and at one point two zombies jumped out of some sludge-covered water, unexpectedly. I flipped shit. By flip I mean quit, and by shit I mean Half-Life 2 (Not to imply Half-Life 2 is shit, it's great).



Needless to say, I am a timid creature when it comes to the horror genre of gaming. I just cannot finish some games, and when I play them, I am usually so cautious in my actions that I progress rather slowly. To say my fear overwhelms enjoyment would be an overstatement because I do enjoy all the games listed, but the fear prevents me from returning.

After a lengthy delay I returned to Dead Space. However, and many of you know this, Dead Space has excellent audio. The sound is great, every footstep, every breath, all brought to life vividly. I was fascinated with the sound, but it held me back. It was too good. I couldn't handle listening to the sound while still playing the game, so I turned the volume off. The tension was cut, if only slightly, and I powered through.

Even in scenes of extreme tension, where you would find me trembling in my boots, I managed to press on. With the mustering of some courage, I was able to finish Dead Space. I conquered my Everest.

I understand that the idea of "conquering your fears" is supposed to transform you, to help you evolve and be able to stand face to face with that fear again, and again. But, you know those guys who climb Mount Everest, reach the top, and never return? That's me. I suck at survival horror games.