[It's time for another Monthly Musing -- the monthly community blog theme that provides readers with a chance to get their articles and discussions printed on the frontpage. -- CTZ]
Palms sweating, thumbs twitching, reflexes ... flexing.
*Hadoken! Shoryuken!*
Anger fills your head after your friend, who doesn't normally play videogames, wallops you up side your Blanka skull. Insults like "You Cheated!", "You picked a cheap character!" "Fighting games aren't real games!" and the likes fly from your mouth. Before you realize it, you want to curl up with Phoenix Wright and forget the whole thing ever happened.
In spite of being a fencer that "fights" on a strip much like these games, I simply suck at Fighting Games against other people. There, I said it. Nothing frustrates me more than my opponent landing some cheap-shot punch, or unstoppable combo because I always lose. Parry, riposte, touche! Not, A, B, Up, Forward, B -- this form of fighting does not compute. Fighting games create hours of frustration against the savant gamers that have mastered the art of mashing A in your face.
Come to the dahk side, where we say en garde! Button mashing is for the birds, Fatalities frustrate, Bridget is really a boy,
Tekken can tag out,
Dead or Alive can stay dead, and someone else can take home that misspelled
Soulcalibur for all I care. No matter how much I play them, I will never be good at fighting games.
When I was a young child of 17, I would skip school to wrap myself up in
Super Smash Bros. Melee, fighting hordes of bad guys in the challenges to unlock the trophies for my invisible bookshelf. I packed many hours into this task. Yet, when a friend would pick up player 2's controller, I would experience a kind of torture that most only experience when they run out of Vaseline ..."Kirby can fly. You should have died just then! That's not fair!"
Fighting games must have some hidden appeal, aside from the busty babes and shiny uber-weapons that is. Maybe it's pounding people like me right into the floor helps some feel supreme gaming satisfaction.
I pick up the controller with the hopes of smashing some Mario skull with Donkey Kong, giving that poor ape his due reward after all these years, only to find myself weeping at the sight of "Mario Wins!" flashing on the screen.
Guilty Gear has that crazy tall guy with a bag on his head armed with a giant scalpel -- what's not full of win in that character design? That is, up until someone yo-yo's you with the cross-dressing little boy, and win becomes lose. You can cry in that bag, that's what it's for.
I've got an idea: how about we watch ME play games, beating the crap outta that guy instead! I play videogames for the depth of story, the smooth 'Splosion style platforming, the character development, and the Metal Gears. Fighting games just don't have it for me. Some characters may be fighting for the greater good, or to save a helpless family member, to rule the world, or simply because they're a Sith. Maybe I dislike fighting games because I'm terrible at them, or maybe I just dislike them for more technical reasons. Give me horror, give me action, give me Spider-man! But, when friends come around I'll make up excuses, some more viable than others, to get out of playing fighting games. "My wrist hurts." "I have malaria today." "I think I need to walk the dog again, I'll catch up with you later." Occasionally my
Smash Bros, or
Soulcalibur games will go "missing," and I'll pick up the plastic guitar to play some co-op
Guitar Hero with my friends instead.
Leave me to my
Tekken bowling, or
DOA volleyball. I didn't buy these games to play with the likes of
you. It's a spiritual journey, and I don't want my ass kicked while I'm walking the Earth.
Also, enjoy this video of a Blanka frustrating a Ryu for once.
Contest:
7:00 PM on 08.17.2009
| 
Perfectly fitting (and hilarious) video to end with, too. I love how it took Ryu 38 seconds before even attempting a Shoryuken!
Blanka was made to annoy Ryu.
"no cheeseing in the corners!"
i stopped liking fighters after awhile.
and now with the online play and every fighting game has to have special tournament balancing mechanics and crap. people seem to take thier fighters to serious.
like with all the frame counting of moves and stuff, i know its in depth and every game has those people but.... man.. what ever happened to picking the guy you liked, not the one with the best cheap moves or the fastest guy because his moves are 1 frame faster.
i will admit i did like the marvel/capcom games because you could pick guys you liked and have fun playing because it was so unbalanced. it made it fun to play with friends. pure crazy. but using cheap tactics just to get a win online is annoying. thats why local play is better cause you could unplug your friends controller when he starts cheesing!
also bushido blade rules. thats fun to play with a friend. watching 1 hit skull splitting replays FTW! we need a now-gen version of that!
and... i second fetusmilk on bringing back the one hit kill bushido blade games. it was a lesson learned... no matter how good you are, you still might get a sword thrown through your skull.
Very nice read, since I could relate myself to a good portion of it. And that Blanka vid brought me some amusement as well.
Correct-o-mundo. I'd just add that your rival need not be your equal. Repeatedly getting worked over by someone better is also good training. It's all about learning the other player's style and figuring out how to counter it. AI is too technical and passionless to learn the true beauty of the fight. They can teach you some technique, but the joy is in fighting another person. Another pro-tip: stick with one character and one fighting game. Don't be a dilettante.
@Hamza - Yes, that is a Pulp Fiction reference - one that I'd always wanted to use, but couldn't find the context! Glad you appreciated it.
@Lelk - I'll play against people, but only until I lose the 3rd or 4th time in a row - then I need to quit before I lose my temper ;)
@Destructoid - Wow! I'm really glad people enjoyed this, it was a lot of fun to write, and I thought a few could relate to it! Cheers! Also, Cocks.
I suggest, less blogging about how you are not "good" and more practicing and strategy hording. Fighting games take more dedication to get better at them, but are far more rewarding than other genres when you get to play against better and better players.
Don't give up, try again!
Nice read though. Button mashing occasionally gets the best of all of us.