hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts

I suck at games: Fighting game edition

7:00 PM on 08.06.2009 // Ninja In Distress

[It's time for another Monthly Musing -- the monthly community blog theme that provides readers with a chance to get their articles and discussions printed on the frontpage. -- CTZ

Ever since I can remember, I've been playing videogames. It just came natural to me, and I've worked my way up from my Sega Genesis all the way to the current generation. And in those years of playing, I happen to think I'm pretty damn good at them. I beat Master Ninja mode on Ninja Gaiden Black, Hard on Contra 4, I can one-credit clear the first three Metal Slugs on a good day, and I've made

my bitch. However, after so many years of playing (and a recent thrashing at Marvel vs Capcom 2), I've come to a conclusion. I really suck at fighting games.

Its not like I haven't tried to get better at them. Ever since the early days of my youth, my brother and I would battle it out (read: mast buttons like a spastic monkey) on Street Fighter II: Championship Edition. I played almost all kinds of fighting games since -- the juggle-happy Tekkens, the Rock-Paper-Scissors System of Dead or Alive, the hyper-active craziness of the Marvel vs Capcom series, the methodical feel of Samurai Showdown, too plenty more.

I suck at all of them. I was the real life version of Dan Hibiki, desperately trying to be something I wasn't, but my pride wouldn't let me quit.

I practiced. I practiced quite a bit. I would go to and look up tips, BnB combos, links, strats, command lists, counters, parries, super cancels; all in vain. Every time I'd think I have a new strategy, somebody half-decent would come and perfect my ass in embarrassing fashion. Usually in front of my friends.

I lay awake at night wondering why my fighting game prowess was on the same level as a domestic house cat. Could this just be one of those things I just couldn't do? Was I not practicing enough? If I can clear Do DonPachi in one credit, surely I can win two matches in a row just once, right?

And that's when it donned on me. I went and started up Do DonPachi. I flew through the game, like I always do. I've memorized where all the ships are. I know how every bullet pattern came out. I knew when its time to freak the hell out and bomb everything. And then I proceed to get my ass handed to me on the later half of the second loop, but thats beside the point. Point is, I know this game like the back of my hand.

I then went eonline in Street Fighter IV. I picked Ken because shotos were the only thing I could ever understand. I enter a game against a Ryu, and, in a little less than two minutes, the Ryu player completely destroys me. He plugs in his mic and talks obscenities about my mom (as if the ass-whooping wasn't enough) and leaves me bad feedback. I didn't care. I had proven my theory. Fighting games are unpredictable.

Battletoads' Turbo Tunnel is challenging at first, but if you play enough you can memorize the whole thing. Gradius V is pretty hard at first, but with enough practice you can just as easily keep going for loops and loops. Donkey Kong Country 2's Animal Antics will slap you silly at first, but after using the huge stockpile of lives you have on the level, you will know every jump/enemy/thorn/etc Rare designed.

Fighting games don't work like that. You can never predict exactly how the next enemy is gonna fight. He may throw out a Hadouken, he may try a jump-in combo, he may try an empty jump-in and grab you, he may dash back and forward to bait you into mistakes, etc. I've been trying to play as if I knew everyone's strategy, but I really have no idea. And when you practice like that, you're just going nowhere.

That was two years ago. Try as I may, I just can't change the way I play. Give me PS2 Shinobi and I'll burn through it in less than a hour. Give me Viewtiful Joe and I'll get perfect Rainbow Vs on all sections. Give me Contra Shattered Soldier and I'll S-rank the entire playthrough. But give me a fighting game and well, you got me.

Fuck you, Ryu.

Ninja In Distress,
 Follow Blog + disclosure

This blog submitted to our editor via our Community Blogs, and then it made it to the home page! You can follow community members and vote up their blogs - support each other so we can promote a more diverse and deep content mix on our home page.

 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our moderators, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding * to your whitelists.

Status updates from C-bloggers

Myles Cox avatarMyles Cox
Down with that PAX Pox. Auhhhghghghhhh
Shinta avatarShinta
MGSV: Sneaking into a heavily guarded Russian military base in Afghanistan at night, slashing throats while listening to this. [youtube][/youtube] Comes off like a perfectly planned scene in a Scorsese movie or something.
Pixie The Fairy avatarPixie The Fairy
Tortilla chips: The only food I know and love to betray me by deciding to flip to a bad angle and stab me in the gums.
IDrawOnTape avatarIDrawOnTape
I'm ok with Namco shutting down Soul Calibur: Lost Souls, as long as they keep Ace Combat:Infinity running. Love that game and just hit 3 million credits.
ScreamAid avatarScreamAid
Holy fuck I feel new again. I've been on hiatus for a while and haven't been up to writing. I might just jump back into things after I relearn things here. Does anyone even remember me? Like damn it's been a while.
Jed Whitaker avatarJed Whitaker
In MGS5: The Phantom Pain, Solid Snake dies from lung cancer from all those years of smoking. #FakeSpoilers
RadicalYoseph avatarRadicalYoseph
[youtube][/youtube] If you don't know the truth, you don't know the score. The end is coming near. MAJOR SPOILERS!
Paul S avatarPaul S
Wow, it's really easy to get people upset over video games.
wutangclam avatarwutangclam
I hope MGS V is living up to everyone's expectations. I can't get enough.
Barry Kelly avatarBarry Kelly
I dislike the idea of intentionally reinforcing the notions that either race or gender are character traits, and those that don't match your own are completely unrelatable.
Shinta avatarShinta
Who's your favorite female black writer on Destructoid's staff? Post a comment below with your votes.
Dr Mel avatarDr Mel
I'm ok if someone chooses a character's ethnicity in a story with the intent of being more representative, as long as the story is good. And if even SOME people feel like it helps them relate, then good! Don't bother me none.
ChillyBilly avatarChillyBilly
OK. So the Mad Max game is basically the combat from the Batman games, the driving bits from Rage and the taking over the outposts bits from Far Cry 3 and 4. I guess what I'm saying is that it's super fun and I'm really, really enjoying it.
RadicalYoseph avatarRadicalYoseph
@Jed Whitaker I might be missing something, but does the race of the characters really matter? I'm white and if every VG character was black I wouldn't care. It's skin color... that's it. I guess others care more than me about this stuff though.
Cosmonstropolis avatarCosmonstropolis
Who is your favorite Jewish game character? I'm pretty sure BJ Blaskowicz is (right?), so I'm going with him.
gajknight avatargajknight
Interview tomorrow! Little apprehensive, I really want this job. Working with adults and children with learning disabilities, perfect experience and a worthwhile job. We'll see how it goes! :D
Parismio avatarParismio
Being in the hospital Fucking blows.
Jed Whitaker avatarJed Whitaker
Who is your favorite black Super Smash Bros. character out of the roster of over 50 characters? Oh wait... Game and Watch doesn't count.
Mike Wallace avatarMike Wallace
One thing I've noticed about the Halo series; the more epic the teaser, the more disappointing the game. And the "opening cinematic" for Halo V: Guardians looks epic.
SpielerDad avatarSpielerDad
I hear through the grapevine that a game called Metal Gear just came out that is sort of a big deal.
more quickposts



Invert site colors

  Dark Theme
  Light Theme

Destructoid means family.
Living the dream, since 2006

Pssst. konami code + enter

modernmethod logo

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -