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I played Duke Nukem Forever today ... what the f*ck!? photo

When I was on my plane to Seattle, getting ready to play some games, meet some gamers, and prepare for tomorrow's Destructoid LIVE panel, I never thought I'd be leaving the first day of PAX with the ability to say that I have played Duke Nukem Forever

Sometimes things happen that are so bizarre, you don't know how to process them. 

I played Duke Nukem Forever today, and I liked it.

[Note: Please excuse the poor quality of the photographs. We were caught short and had to improvise with my video camera.]

Do you know how you can tell that a game is going to be something special? When it starts with a tutorial telling you how to piss into a urinal. That's how the demo for Duke Nukem Forever starts, and it really doesn't get much more highbrow than that. 

At its core, Duke Nukem Forever is a solid first-person-shooter. The controls at this stage feel a little loose, but the fundamentals are sound. As you might expect, the gameplay doesn't exactly have a modern feel, but that's part of the charm. It feels like a Duke Nukem game -- rough and ready, but it absolutely does the trick. 

The demo was full of weaponry, ranging from the standard pistols and shotguns to the explosive Devastator, the machine-gun like Ripper, the sniping Rail Gun and the all-important Shrink Ray. Shrinking a porcine alien and then squashing him with a deft melee attack never felt so satisfying. 

Duke is capable of performing finishers if he can cripple an alien into a dazed submission. A simple button press and the chewer of bubblegum will perform a gruesome execution. As if ticking all the FPS boxes, there are also gun turret sections. This is not a game that intends to innovate. It just intends to kill loads and loads of bipedal pigs. 

As well as the shooting, Duke will also get to drive a logo-branded vehicle. Controls for the driving sections are decent and do a good job of getting our hero from A to B, although the car itself is a little bit bouncy, and there's plenty of risk of flipping it. Fortunately, Duke can get out of the car and flip it back. In any case, it's a fun break to just mow down enemies in your car, and at this early stage, with vehicular sections blended into the main gameplay, it doesn't look like this new form of play will intrude. 

One of the highlights of the demo is a huge boss fight against a one-eyed monster, the same fight you may have seen in screens leaked from the game's long-winded past. Armed with explosive missiles, it's a pretty easy first boss fight, although when it starts boosting toward Duke and kicking him over, things get a little hairy. The fight takes place in a football stadium, which comes into play during the battle's grand finish, when the boss's eye falls out, and Duke proceeds to kick it over the goal in a glorious finisher. 

And that, right there, is the kind of thing that is making Duke Nukem Forever look so very promising. As a game, it looks very standard, with graphics that look like they belong in a game that started development twelve years ago, and shooting foundations that don't feel evolved. As a piece of shameless, crass, unapologetically immature cavalcade of humor, however, Duke Nukem Forever may very well be genius. 

Gearbox Software is possibly insane for taking on this project, a game which has twelve years of expectations and notoriety behind it. However, the studio has risen to the challenge and created a game that feels so incredibly Duke that you have to respect it no matter what. This is Duke Nukem at his puerile finest, and just from the demo, I was laughing out loud. It's not even that it's particularly witty. The humor is just so incredibly stupid that it starts to take on the illusion of brilliance, and that's what matters.

Do you know how you can tell that a game is going to be something special? When its demo ends with the main character getting his dick sucked by twins, then admits that his game better be good because it "took twelve fucking years" to make. 

Duke Nukem Forever is something special indeed. Tits and pigs and kicking eyes like footballs conspire to make this a serious game of the show contender for me.

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Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize. Likes PS2, iPod Touch, Silent Hill 2, Metal Gear Solid, Dynasty Warriors 3 Meet the rest of the team



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101 comments | showing # 1 to 50
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next 50 comments

Wesley Susaya's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 01:48
Wesley Susaya
I never got a chance to play they original because I am too young and lame and I am still excited for this (Anthony Burch did not write for this, too bad :-(. )
Snaileb 's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 01:52
Snaileb
4.5

Is this still funny? In all cerealness I'm jealous.
GRiVEN's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 01:52
GRiVEN
Maybe it will be one of the first games main streams games to get an AO rating (intentionally)?
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 01:52
Jim Sterling
"Is this still funny?"

When you do it. <3
Chaddicus's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 01:52
Chaddicus
I cannot wait for this game.
Conan-san's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 01:52
Conan-san
I just can't repect this game because it's pushing back any incoming Borderworlds (or whatever Borderlands 2 happens to be) and any praise the game will get will forever be muddled between 3D Relms and Gearbox.

That and if it does tank it will mean no Borderlands 2 or, worse, an outsorced Borderlands 2 to the tune of Bioshock 2.
Brian Szabelski's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 01:54
Brian Szabelski
@Wesley Susaya

Quick way to correct this problem: http://www.gog.com/en/gamecard/duke_nukem_3d_atomic_edition

Excellent use of $6. :)

Also, I am looking forward to this game, I'm gonna work on a post about why it's good to have Duke back.
AngryJoeShow's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 01:57
AngryJoeShow
Wait? is that really Duke Holding a game controller while getting his Dick sucked by two twins? And does he really utter in game that DUKE NUKEM FOREVER better kick ass cuz it took fucking 12 yrs to make? Jim has pictures as proof, had he not it would have been pretty difficult to believe.

LOL! WTFZ? That shit better be in the game and not just some PAX exclusive. That's definitely one way to stay true to Duke and say fuck all this mess now just sit down shutup and play my fuggin game. Wow - cant wait to see the reaction.
The Juda's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:01
The Juda
Didn't Duke 3D end with the eye ball kicking through the goal posts? Been awhile but sounds familiar.
PorkLord's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:02
PorkLord
Fuck yoooou

Nice work :D
Neroisonfire's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:02
Neroisonfire
Looks gewd. Sounds gewd. Hotties gewd. I'm looking forward to it.
DimmuJed's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:02
DimmuJed
Not only did you play Duke Nukem Forever but you got a shot of the Numa Numa guy playing Duke Nukem forever, EPIC WIN!!!
AngryJoeShow's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:05
AngryJoeShow
@The Juda
Ya, and so does this urinal section wasnt that another duke game or something? Or maybe it was some kinda advertisement at a convention im remembering.
hpv's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:05
hpv
I can't wait to play this shit. I don't care if I have to stand on line for 8 hours tomorrow I'm going to get in on this one!
Los255's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:06
Los255
Anthony Burch has some splainin to do...

So utterly shocked at the news. I wonder what else they can add to 3D Realms' legacy to make it even more special/modern/Gearbox-y. I LOVE SELF AWARENESS.
NoX's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:09
NoX
Now I understood the "other forms of sucking" on the Comments policy. And I liked it.

The only thing that would make this fail is if Duke was not really Duke. But he is there, together with the shitty game that made our past.

Jim, you gave me hope.
maerx's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:10
maerx
After StarCraft 2's success, no wonder why everyone wants to bring back their OLD franchises. I bet my ass that Half Life 3 gets announced. As 4 the game itself it looks solid, but well... I dig Dukem Nukem but after this 12 years... Meh. I don't want to bitch about the game (well I want) because that will start a shitstorm...

I just see a FPS that any competent studio could fart in 1 year or 2, with 12 years I want a GENRE DEFINING MASTERPIECE!!!... Well lets stop this and join the masses... " Its the Duke, dude, He FTW!", "Finally, the Duke is back", "I'm having an orgasm", "I can't believe what my eyes are watching!, snif... snif I'm so happy".
bootleggamer.com's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:10
bootleggamer.com
I am so jealous Duke Nukem Forever is the Holy Grail of vaporware. I am surprised your head didn't explode from the sheer awsomeness of the moment.
KingSigy's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:19
KingSigy
That boss is the same end boss from episode 3 in Duke 3D. That's what makes me a little angry.

Still, it's great to hear that it has old-school charm. I wish more shooters realized that not everything needs to be hyper realistic.
ninjikiran's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:19
ninjikiran
From the image in your post I had a huge smile on my face, the kind of respect and envy ;).
Gorescream's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:20
Gorescream
That header is.....

so evil.
BalloonFighter's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:29
BalloonFighter
You DOUBLE mother fucker, is this why we got no Jimquisition today? huh?...HUH?
Emrah's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:33
Emrah
You have seen it up close and personal, but I don't think the graphics look dated, like you say.. From what I've seen around, they look "purty".
Aurain's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:38
Aurain
Haha, that stubby little middle finger.

That makes the fuck you even better.
Skribble's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:42
Skribble
@Kingsigy: The game is a direct sequel to Duke3D, so it stands to reason that they would have the ending of the original and bleed it in the new game. It has been quite a long time since anyone has finished the original.
Stinky's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:46
Stinky
Fuck you Jim, fuck you up the arse!
Furyfire's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 02:55
Furyfire
It's real? Whoa.. musta been at the end of a double rainbow.
Rifter01's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 03:47
Rifter01
Not to give your harshest critics (or could that be "hash"-ist) any validity.. But, for once, a reader (me) was right, and you were incorrect.

http://bit.ly/c9PJ48 (ding!)

All I can say is oh yess! BRING IT ON, DUKE! yes!!!
Dave Oshry's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 03:54
Dave Oshry
The first level of Duke Nukem Forever is the last level of Duke Nukem 3d. But I'm sure you all knew that. :-p
Mr Andy Dixon's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 03:59
Mr Andy Dixon
This makes my penis hard.
Patorama's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 04:01
Patorama
@Dave Oshry

I'm glad somebody mentioned it. I was going out of my mind wondering why none of the preview writeups were talking about the demo level and how it was a throwback to the end of Duke 3D.
Mechman's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 04:30
Mechman
This was the first game I ever preordered.
From the back of Computer Games Magazine, in 1997.
Firelordzero's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 04:34
Firelordzero
DO I detect a bias because this is released by...... GEARBOX or the Anthony Burch foundation? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm???? that's right Jim I'm on to you. But in all seriousness I think this is going to have to be the game Yahtzee talked about in his "review" of it, or else everyone will be to upset because this game took a decade to get released.
Castro's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 04:36
Castro
I agree with everything you said. Also, it's my primary goal of this year's PAX to find you and shake your hand for introducing me to Deadly Premonition.
Wally's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 04:40
Wally
Classy header image.
KrazyKraut's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 04:51
KrazyKraut
look at the sausage fingers^^
spartan480's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 04:53
spartan480
Jim... I hate you...for now

*whispers - its only out of envy though...for now
McKn Decker's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 05:50
McKn Decker
Where's the destructoid exclusive "Twins Gameplay" video?
Ehkard's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 05:55
Ehkard
want
NiNFAN1990's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 06:04
NiNFAN1990
Most of these idiots in the comment section reflect what is very wrong with gaming. They're not liking the look of what seems like a solid, fun, OTT shooter because it looks a little dated and they've waited too long?

Stop being pussies and just enjoy it for what it is! How often do you spend $60 just for nostalgia's sake? what else are you gonna spend that money on? the next fucking iteration of Call of Duty?!

you make me sick...
NiNFAN1990's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 06:07
NiNFAN1990
sorry, I assumed the comments here would be like they are over on other comment sections. Primarily because the comment sections here are normally worse than other sights for whining gamers.

Seeing as everyone here is also looking forward to it, bring on the fuckin' DUKE baby!
NiNFAN1990's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 06:09
NiNFAN1990
*sites.
I've just woken up... :(
Vajoiner's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 06:14
Vajoiner
where is your other hand? http://destructoid.com/elephant/photo-m.phtml?post_key=183108&photo_key=156946
Chardan's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 06:15
Chardan
NiNFAN1990:
Well sincce you just woke up you must have a boner too for Duke.
Doc lulz's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 06:31
Doc lulz
@GiHubb

You are aware that "lardy" is married, right?
aquabob's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 07:19
aquabob
Operation Cock Block!

Im in love with the stupidity of this game already!!!
Zethis's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 07:23
Zethis
Wait... wait... wait... is this real? I mean seriously... is this game real? Oo
TheDreadHawk's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 07:28
TheDreadHawk
I am having such a hard time taking this seriously. It's like an elaborate ploy set up by the most cunning actors of all time to make us think Duke Nukem Forever is actually coming out!

BUBBLE GUM. ASS. ETC. I am excited!
meteorscrap's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 07:32
meteorscrap
I remember when I was younger, I somehow picked up a copy of Duke Nukem 3D Atomic Edition. I might have been thirteen years old. It was a blast. However, the real fun came when I idly ran the Build.exe file out of curiosity.

While I doubt the console versions will contain anything like Build, I sincerely hope that the PC version will. If it does, it might prompt me to upgrade my PC for it. I literally spent weeks and weeks of free time constructing levels for myself and my friends, even stringing together an entire Episode once or twice.
somanycats's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/04/2010 07:48
somanycats
I also played the Atomic Edition when I was 13 haha. One of the best games ever made, ridiculously fun, ridiculously funny. And yeah, that boss battle is the boss battle of the third chapter, which is the last chapter of the original release. It sounds exactly the same except for the boosting. Awesome.

To people saying this should be a masterpiece because it took 12 years to make, keep in mind that that's one year of Gearbox doing real work on it. The rest was 3D Realms piecemealing stuff together in between massive sessions of dicking around at their office. It's not going to be revolutionary, but it might just bee stupidly fun. Just like Duke Nukem 3D.
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