It wouldn't be fair to say that Ni No Kuni has a specific urination quest. It's more of a side story or side effect of a larger task, if you will. Nevertheless, when I came upon this girl who needed to whiz, I immediately wrote it off as filler NPC chatter. A few missions later I had learned that my tasks had indirectly let her use the bathroom. Someone went through the trouble of updating our hero on this story. Planning went into this. Okay, then.
She made an impression on me because, of all the things this young girl could have vocalized to me, she was intent on telling her mother and I that she needed to execute a mad leak. She needs to piss really bad, you see. Either that, or she required some for alchemy. The dialogue isn't really clear on what she intends to do with said pee-pee, but le't just assume she had made a surplus and wanted to remove it from her body.
Why not just run behind a tree? We're in a forest, after all. Despite the marvel of modern videogames, here's a cute example of why NPCs are still the dumbest forms of life in gaming.
As cleverly editorialized in The Secret Lives of Non-Player Characters, the idiocy of NPCs is one of the funniest things about our primitive videogames. This chick will stand there until the end of time holding that bladder until I go a vast journey talk to a tree, beat down guardian, and return to steal a guy's heart ten feet away from The Pissy One so the gate can open. Unlike the ants in your kitchen (which some heavenly power has expertly scripted for thousands of years to solve every task possible) it does not occur to this bitch that she can take a whiz behind a tree. Ants are my favorite script, by far. Whomever invented ants is probably rich.
The mom will stand there and ignore that her child desperately needs to defecate, and will also starve her for as long as I please. It's unfortunate that if I leave my PS3 on for the weekend I wouldn't return to an angry mob beating the tits out of the guards, or a camp of hippies cooking turkeys in front of the castle that I can spy sometimes pooping in the woods.
It's my hope that in the not-so-distant future game engines will allow developers to instill more common sense of survival to their non-player characters. Until then, I'm happy to help them twinkle.
Also, slow news day. Sorry THQ, you'll be missed.
|4:30 PM on 02.12.2013|
Ni No Kuni is offering a free Draggle familiar DLC today
It's a free DLC-fest for the PlayStation Network today, as Draggle, the adorable guy pictured above, is dropping for free on the PSN. If you aren't familiar with how Ni No Kuni works, it's basically like Pokémon. Aroun...more
|10:15 AM on 02.04.2013|
Ni no Kuni is #1 in the UK, sold out in many shops
I guess a lot of grown-up "mature" gamers, who complained that Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch was too "kiddy," were blowing smoke out their asses and bought the Level-5 RPG anyway. According to GfK Chart-Track's UK Top ...more
|1:15 PM on 01.30.2013|
Dear Ni no Kuni fans, your help is urgently required!
Seriously guys ... do you know where we can find something brown and sticky? Brown and sticky?more
|5:55 PM on 01.25.2013|
Namco Bandai responds to Ni no Kuni LE order issues
Namco Bandai handed Destructoid an official statement on the Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch Wizard's Edition order issue we've been following these past few days. It is as follows: Namco Bandai Games America ...more
|3:15 PM on 01.25.2013|
Ni no Kuni Wizard's Edition orders issues abound [update]
[Update: As you can see from our comments section below, this has been a messy issue. It got nasty when word got out that one buyer got over 200 copies and is now selling them on eBay. Disgusting. Thanks to our readers for in...more
|12:30 PM on 01.21.2013|
Review: Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch
Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch could have easily been called Japanese Role-Playing Games: The Official Videogame, for it plays out like an overview of the entire genre as much as it does a game in its own right. I...more
|9:00 PM on 01.09.2013|
Behind the music of Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch
Now that Ni no Kuni is just weeks away from release, Level-5 is back with the third in its series of behind-the-scenes developer diaries. This time around they've sat down with composer Joe Hisaishi to discuss the ...more
|12:00 PM on 01.08.2013|
Ni no Kuni hit with week-long delay in Europe
One of the year's first big games, Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch, has been pushed back a week in Europe and Australasia due to logistical reasons. Originally scheduled to release on January 25, 2013, Level-5's lovely R...more
|9:00 PM on 12.19.2012|
Ni no Kuni dev endeavors for games to transcend film
It appears that Level-5 has some pretty lofty aspirations with Ni no Kuni. In this follow-up to the title's initial developer diary, Animation Director Yoshiuki Momose discusses the collaborative effort behind...more
|10:45 AM on 05.23.2013|
Fantasy Life will be getting an expansion in Japan
Readers know that I've been clamoring for an international release of Fantasy Life for quite some time. As a roaring success in Japan, Level-5 has already seen fit to update the game, calling the enhancement Fantasy Life Link...more
|10:15 AM on 05.23.2013|
Witch and the Hundred Knight screens are creepy and cute
NIS' PS3 RPG Witch and the Hundred Knights is coming later this year, and for now, you can take a look at some in-depth screenshots. A ton of stuff is confirmed, most notably a boob-centric encounter, as well as world map min...more
|9:01 AM on 05.23.2013|
This Valhalla Knights 3 trailer is horny and NSFW
PlayStation Japan held nothing back with this newly released this trailer for upcoming Vita title Valhalla Knights 3. It wastes no time in showing you how horny this game can be. You'll see what it's like to enter a particul...more