As cleverly editorialized in The Secret Lives of Non-Player Characters, the idiocy of NPCs is one of the funniest things about our primitive videogames. This chick will stand there until the end of time holding that bladder until I go a vast journey talk to a tree, beat down guardian, and return to steal a guy's heart ten feet away from The Pissy One so the gate can open. Unlike the ants in your kitchen (which some heavenly power has expertly scripted for thousands of years to solve every task possible) it does not occur to this bitch that she can take a whiz behind a tree. Ants are my favorite script, by far. Whomever invented ants is probably rich.
The mom will stand there and ignore that her child desperately needs to defecate, and will also starve her for as long as I please. It's unfortunate that if I leave my PS3 on for the weekend I wouldn't return to an angry mob beating the tits out of the guards, or a camp of hippies cooking turkeys in front of the castle that I can spy sometimes pooping in the woods.
It's my hope that in the not-so-distant future game engines will allow developers to instill more common sense of survival to their non-player characters. Until then, I'm happy to help them twinkle.
Also, slow news day. Sorry THQ, you'll be missed.
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