This morning I had the rare opportunity to enjoy an 8-bit Mario game I've never played, and suck all over again at it for the very first time. According to Stuart, Hudson Soft created a PC version called Super Mario Brothers Special in the 80's for a Japanese computer called the NEC PC-88 / 8801 that was never released until now, in tiny rom/emulator format. "Special" is a very fitting pseudonym for this game because the play control is unrelenting and just absolutely retarded.

The video above illustrates just how badly I suck at it, and what happens when you overclock it from 4mhz to 8mhz. Remember those Turbo buttons on the PC? They actually had a use! 8mhz makes it even more impossible. More painful observations below:

The game is *not* that insanely difficult Japanese Super Mario Brothers 2 that's featured in Mario All Stars. Instead, it is a screen-panning suckery with god awful play control and speed issues (unclear if it is an emulation issue). Playing this game on a keyboard is like pulling teeth; you'll find that Mario feels like he's put on a few pounds with lethargic jumps and a few more oddities.

• The levels are completely different
• The screen pans like the original Zelda did when you arrive at the edge
  
• Rolling turtle shells will bounce off the right edge of the screen
• Enemies can walk off the left edge of the screen and back
• Mario's physics are slightly different. He feels heavier and kicks into sprints faster, so making small adjustments to where you are standing and clearing jumps becomes much more difficult. The physics are just impossible.
• Hitting a koopa from beneath a brick will send it flying across the screen like a kick would in one shot
• There is no pause when you get a mushroom/fire plant
  
• Fireballs are insanely fast
• Colors are yellowish
• Super Mario has brown hair instead of red (as he should!) 
• Music sounds like the original but noticably a little off
• I can't beat this game yet, it's hard as Summa's head. If you can get past World 2-1 you're my hero.

To operate the emulator, use the load disk feature and then wait a few seconds for it to load.  2,4,6,8 on the keypad do the walking and press Z,X are your buttons. Give it a shot; after subjecting yourself to this crap you'll have a new found appreciation for the original NES version.

[Via Digg]