How Warcraft will DEFINITELY aid terrorism

3:12 PM on 09.16.2008   |   Jim Sterling

36 comments

You can file this one under "F" for "F*cking Laughable." A Pentagon researcher has presented members of the US Intelligence Committee with his hypothetical scenario in which terrorists use quasi-popular MMO World of Warcraft to plan a terrorist attack. This summary has to be read to be believed:

... Two World of Warcraft players discuss a raid on the "White Keep" inside the "Stonetalon Mountains." The major objective is to set off a "Dragon Fire spell" inside, and make off with "110 Gold and 234 Silver" in treasure. "No one will dance there for a hundred years after this spell is cast," one player, "war_monger," crows.

Except, in this case, the White Keep is at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. "Dragon Fire" is an unconventional weapon. And "110 Gold and 234 Silver" tells the plotters how to align the game's map with one of Washington, D.C.

Yes, according to this mindblowing theory -- terrorists might use OTHER words in place of what they actually MEAN! Before World of Warcraft, Al Qaeda members were just standing in the street, screaming across the road to each other about their next targets and the dates of planned attacks. Only through the subtle use of WoW have they learned that you can use secret words instead of publicly announcing what you're plotting to do.

I'm actually struggling to find enough sarcasm, this is so stupid. And the saddest fact of all is that Dr. Dwight Tovas, the man who proposed this revolutionary theory, probably earns 10,000 times the money that I do. It doesn't help that the WoW terminology is all wrong as well. He earns MONEY doing this stuff!

I am so going to set off a Dragon Fire Spell in this wanker's White Keep.