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Nuclear holocaust. The zombie plague. The robot rebellion. Until now, the prospect of doomsday existed only in the realm of fiction. By year's end, Sony and Microsoft will have thrown their hat into the motion control ring. Along with Nintendo, this unholy trinity will shift the focus of gaming away from the pursuit of high art towards the indulgence of base pleasures.
Sever ties with everyone.
Every personal connection you've made in your life is a liability. People who know you tend to want to keep in touch with you. If they keep in touch with you, they may ask you to engage in activities with them. Those activities may include getting together to play Kate Touches Milo Inappropriately. Don't give them the opportunity.
You own a lot of useless garbage. Get rid of it. All of it. Clear out your attic. Empty your china cabinet. Sort through the boxes in the back of your closet. Look, it's the watch that has been in your family for generations. They say that you can't put a price on precious memories, but you can. A couple grand, easy.
Stockpile game hardware and software.
As one of gaming's last wards, it's up to you to preserve an archive of the medium's greatest achievements. Hit up eBay, Amazon, Japan Yahoo Auction, and wherever else to acquire key software and hardware spanning the decades. As a fine gaming connoisseur, you should understand that no collection of fine art is ever complete, that there will always be something more to add. Regrettably, the clock is inching closer to midnight and many unfortunate games will fall victim to the fallout. Do all in your power to rescue the great AAA masterpieces first and foremost.
Buy an onahole.
You're going to be alone for the rest of your life.
Disconnect from the Internet.
Hardcore gamers have long relied on the World Wide Web to follow the pulse of technological progress. The free exchange of information and good-natured support amongst one another has kept our spirits high during these troubled times. Unfortunately, continued use of the Internet is in violation of Número Uno. It has been crucial in our archival efforts, but now it's time to pull the plug.
Drop off the grid entirely.
The government can still track you. Your landlord will demand rent. You can lock your doors and windows, but others still know where you live. You have to get lost. Close your bank accounts. Cash out your retirement savings. Cancel your subscription to Men's Health Magazine. You must become a ghost.
Ha ha ha ha! You fool! There is no escape!
Hey everybody! We're back from E3, and boy are our arms tired. From playing video games, but also from making cartoonish flapping motions. We ran down what came out of Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo's respective press conferences, as well as our personal favorites, and then listed off the Destructoid Best Of E3 winners. Now, we take naps.more
Titanfall already took home our Game of the Show award for E3 2013. So what about the rest of the categories and games? Well after some much needed rest and relaxation we've decided the rest of the winners for all our categor...more
This has been a fairly thrilling Electronic Entertainment Expo in a lot of ways. Hard not to be when two out of the three major console competitors are showing off brand new hardware and all the new games which come along with that. But what was the most exciting aspect of this year's E3? Watch the video to hear what we think and answer The Question for yourself in the comments below.more