How to piss everyone off in Left 4 Dead

5:00 PM on 01.14.2009   |   Jim Sterling

95 comments

Left 4 Dead, in case you haven't noticed by now, is a firm favorite in the Destructoid offices. While it's had its fair share of criticism for repetition and a short campaign, those who have fallen in love with Valve's zombie shooter have found it endlessly replayable, especially Versus Mode, in which four human survivors take on the zombie horde and four Special Infected.

One thing it can also be, however, is endlessly annoying, and that's because there are plenty of dirty tricks and nasty tactics that can turn any Versus game into an endless barrage of swearing and controller throwing. However, it is highly recommended that you do all of these at least once, just to be a wanker. 

This is a (by no means comprehensive) list of some of the tricks that have irritated me and my friends. I've avoided using official "cheats" but there is, however, one famous exploit that had to be included, and you already know what it is. Generally, however, these are currently permissible tactics that should piss you off ... depending on what side you're on. 

Read on for a quick guide on how to piss people off in Left 4 Dead.

Shove It:

Even though the Survivors are just four people against a whole army of zombies, that doesn't mean the Infected have it easy in Versus mode. In fact, they have a whole host of weaknesses and it takes luck and good teamwork to get very far. One of the main reasons for this is because the Survivors have a shove attack that not only does damage, but is incredibly versatile with no penalty for use and can knock any Infected for six. 

If a team of Survivors get themselves into a corner and do nothing but spam the shove, they can get out of most situations with ease. Since the Special Infected are highly prone to this as well, anybody looking to get into a close quarters fight with a Survivor will find themselves in a bad situation unless they've very good at hit-and-run tactics. Getting shoved will leave any Infected highly prone to attack, and with a low amount of health, that first shove is usually the last. 

If you're a Survivor, shove it everywhere you go. If a Boomer barfs on you, find a wall and melee your way to victory. You can guarantee that Infected players will be cursing your name. 

Boom Baby Boom:

Boomers are just dicks, whatever way you look at them. First of all, nobody likes being one-upped by a fat man, nor do they like being vomited on, and the Boomer rolls both of these humiliations into one. 

The Boomer's very existence pisses people off, and when you vomit on someone, not only blinding them but bringing about an onslaught of Infected. The best part is that simply getting shot will see you explode in a shower of vommy triumph. When the mere act of running towards someone is going to irritate the shit out of them, you know you're onto a winner. 

Smoking Kills:

While the Smoker has his uses and some players can utilize him very well, I am personally very crap with him, thus I hate all Smokers. What's worse is that anybody playing a Smoker on the final chapter of No Mercy has an open opportunity to crush the Survivor team's spirit and knock them down from four to three in an instant. 

You've probably seen this one many times, but on the roof of Mercy Hospital, there are two very high places. One is the entrance to the roof from which the Survivors come, and one is a vantage point right next it, just a Smoker's tonguelick away. All a Smoker has to do is stand at the vantage point and wait for the Survivors to emerge. With a little luck, he'll drag one of them off the roof, where they will then fall straight to the ground and die in the resulting fall.

It's quick, it's easy, it's a dirty little trick, but by God it works.

Except when I try to do it.

Lifts Are For Idiots:

There's a reason why everybody plays Versus on the No Mercy map, and that's because it's where all the exploits and secrets are. This is a very simple one that's pissing off Infected teams more and more because everybody is learning about it.

Rather than take the lift in Chapter 3 of No Mercy (the one that attracts a buggerload of horde), all the Survivor Team needs to do to progress is to melee a shutter door that takes them into the next part of the game and completely eliminates a potentially tide-turning portion of the game. It pisses you off when you're the Infected, but it's not like you won't be doing the same thing next round.

Jumpy Shortcuts:

In the same spirit as the shutter trick, there are a number of portions in the early goings of No Mercy where players can skip entire sections of a chapter. Strategic jumping can make things a breeze, such as hopping off the roof in Chapter 1's starting point rather than walking through the apartment building, or leaping out of a window into some handy trashbags below. 

Naturally, this is bad news for the Infected, who need to work extra fast to keep the Survivors from reaching the safe house. A useful tactic indeed, but it won't win you any friends in zombie circles.

Generator and an Elevator:

Yes, you're all well aware of this one, and until Valve patches it out of the Xbox 360, it's still going to continue. Yes, it's a famous and incredibly underhanded exploit that really gives the Special Infected leverage and usually inspires groans of "Aw, c'mon" from the Survivor Team. 

Basically, the Special Infected can move various pieces of scenery around with their melee attacks. It didn't take long for someone to work out that this mean they could block exits, and now in Chapter 4 of No Mercy, every time the Survivors take the elevator they expect to see their path cut off by a massive generator, trapped and prone to attack from Boomer-spawned Horde waves. 

It's very annoying, but at the same time, it's become so expected that any team that doesn't do it automatically looks stupid. So in a way, peer pressure is causing people to exploit the game. 

Survivors have reported that with enough patience, they can melee the generator out of the way, but the best thing is to try lobbing a pipebomb under it and hoping for the best. Just hope someone a pipebomb.

Like the Above, but Different:

The elevator is not the only place where Special Infected can cause trouble with the scenery, and in one case, there is a far nastier trick. There are two places in Chapter 3 where Survivors can be obstructed. One is just before they enter the Sewers -- a Forklift truck can be smacked into the entrance to the room with the sewer entrance, according to reports, while another, which I have fallen victim to, lies at the exit to the sewer. 

This has only happened to me once, so I'm guessing it's not so widespread, but the manhole that leads out from the sewer can be covered up by the surrounding debris outside. Somehow, we managed to escape but I'm not entirely sure how it was done. Either way, it is far more malicious than the elevator, if just for the fact that it isn't as expected.

The Fire God Mind Fuck:

This one is all thanks to our very own Wilbo, who has earned the nickname of The Fire God thanks to his obsession with Molotov Cocktails. If he is a Survivor, he will grab and throw any Molotov he gets his hands on. If he is Infected, he will set himself on fire and jump on the nearest human within leaping distance. He is The Fire God, dangerous to his enemies and lethal to his friends. 

Wilbo tells me that one thing he likes to do -- and this pertains to the "lethal to his friends" part -- is throw a Molotov while everybody is in that famous elevator from Chapter 4. Rather than just burn everyone, the most unfortunate side effect of this little "joke" is that the character with the Molotov under their feet will simply glitch out and fall through the elevator floor. 

Wilbo is not only The Fire God ... he's a bit of a cockhead as well.

The Hunter Victim Teabag Supreme:

All I'll say is that I myself have fallen victim to this one, and I still feel dirty. It is often said that to stand and do nothing is an evil unto itself, but to stand and teabag is a far greater sin. Left 4 Dead is all about teamwork, and if you're not a team player, you're going to piss someone off. What that means is that if a Hunter has pinned me to the ground, you're supposed to get him off. 

Not teabag me while it's happening. 

Yes, I could scarcely believe it, but as a Hunter proceeded to shove me to the ground and rip my guts out, another player (naturally as Francis) silently stood and watched for a moment, then very calmly squatted up and down over my face, before running away like a bastard. 

Seriously ... that's worse than team killing. That's team molestation.

And that's pretty much how you piss everyone off.