C'mere, son. Set aside that remote and take a knee. You and me, we're gonna have us a little talk about common sense.

That newfangled Nintendo system you've got there -- the Wii? Yeah, she's a real beaut. Sleek, smooth, an attractive shape ... speaking of, did I ever tell you about the weekend I spent with a cute little blonde at a conference in Singapore? Lord, she was a sight to see-- what? Sorry. Anyway, I see you swingin' that remote around like you ain't quite right, what with your Zeldas and your Wii Sports. You're gonna take someone's head off with that thing if you ain't careful. That HDTV I just bought is worth more than your worthless little life, and if I catch you firing that remote at that beautiful 32" window into the only heaven I'm ever bound to see, finding that last heart container piece will be the last of your concerns, let me tell you.

So how's about you quit bouncing around all over the place and let your old man give you some tips that might keep you alive for a few days longer.