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In most cases, fan fiction is always horrible. Sometimes though, they are so horrible, they end up being hilarious. Take for instance this fan fiction for Half-Life written by a 6-year-old. Yes, that's right, a 6-year-old wrote this up. Something this horrible though would be tough to read without having to facepalm over a dozen times. Thanks to YouTuber Djy1991, he took this fan fiction and created a hilarious video to go with it. Thank God for Garry's Mod!
 
Watch on as John Freeman, brother of Gordon Freeman, as he tries to help Gordon fight for survival against the bad guys. Full transcript of the fan fiction is after the jump. 
 
[Update: So as it turns out, this is old. But the video is brand new so shut up and enjoy it.]  

[Spotted on Andrex's C-Blog.]

John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.
John Freeman got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go.
John Freeman ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon.
The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for John Freemans quest to help his brother where he was. John Freeman looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys".
John Freeman was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when John Freeman went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs.
"I cant give you my lisense officer" John Freeman said
"Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman.
"Because you are headcrab zombie" so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster.
John Freeman had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Gordon needed him where he was. John Freeman looked at road signs and saw "Ravenholm" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so John Freeman almost turned around but heard screaming like Gordon so he went faster again.
John Freeman drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of John Freeman. John Freeman smiled and walked fast. John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.
John Freeman said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and John Freeman felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece.
Then John Freeman herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Ravenholdm was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs.
When John Freeman got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Gorden Freeman fightin the final bosss and Gordon said "John Freeman! Over here!" so John Freeman went there to where Gordon Freeman was fighting. John Freeman fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see.
Gordon Freeman said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. John Freeman said "thanks i could help, bro" and Gordon Freeman said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed.
The laughed overed quickly though because John Freeman yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Gordon Freeman looked up and said "NOO! John Freeman run out of here fast as you can!" and John Freeman walked real fast out.
John Freeman loked back and saw Gordon get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.
"I'll get you back evil boss!" John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs.
to be continued..?

Continue: More Valve stories





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81 comments | showing # 51 to 81

JohnThEReaper617's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/23/2008 23:55
JohnThEReaper617
ROFL-NESS!!!!!
m3ds's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 00:03
m3ds
This is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. I've gotta see if I can find a download-able version.
manta's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 00:49
manta
Good stuff.
Dr Milkdad's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 00:58
Dr Milkdad
Okay, don't care if it's old, first time I saw it, and it was the funniest thing I've seen in a while.
M3tacore's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 02:04
M3tacore
They say if you make 1000 6 yearolds write on 1000 computers with Word on them, you will eventually get Epic Lulz.

This it was achieved with only one. Which is saying a lot for the 6 yearold race.

P.S.
The video is better than just the transcript because it makes my brain hurt less while I'm LOLing.
Boolean's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 03:44
Boolean
Holy fucking shit I LOL'd hard.
Kyle's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 07:54
Kyle
Thank you internet.
pierrerodriguez's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 08:08
pierrerodriguez
whats with all the "bro" calling? is john freeman a fratboy?
matmanx1's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 08:15
matmanx1
Hilarious! I love it!
foxhound009's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 08:21
foxhound009
wow great.. :)
razerangel's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 09:06
razerangel
That was....interesting?
Quisling's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 09:28
Quisling
My favorite part was when the contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky ???

I lol'd. Epic story is a laugh orgasm.
Gangles's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 10:13
Gangles
I'm in tears, that was histerical
Butmac's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 10:18
Butmac
I was literally crying during this I laughed so hard - the video made it 10x better.
balth's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 10:44
balth
THIS IS WIN.

Except....

....

TEH PANTS ARE DEAD?!


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGODWHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????
MechaMonkey's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 10:57
MechaMonkey
Best. Motorcycle. Ever.
MisterMingo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 11:07
MisterMingo
"John Freeman said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house :(" and John Freeman felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece."

My favorite part. As well as the singing plants, falling sun, dead pants, and "screaming at the top of lungs".

And Pikachu balloon guy, how can you say the music was bad? It's cheesy generic 1950s drama music. I thought it made it funnier. It was perfect!

I think Valve should make "The pants are dead!" the Half-Life equivalent to "The cake is a lie!"
snr yoda's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 11:08
snr yoda
Holy crap. Think I peed a little just now. That was absolutely amazing.
V3r1n's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 11:26
V3r1n
what 6 year old even knows that quotation marks exist? your in like 1st grade and you just learned how to spell dog... shenanigans. hilarious nonethelesssss
Novalon's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 12:20
Novalon
There are fanfiction authors my age that can't write as brilliant as this. Yes, I'll admit that I've written fanfiction before, and it can probably still be found, and some of it was atrocious, but this kid certainly gets my seal of approval.

One can only hope that he continues to write such monumental works in the future.
demonelite's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 16:25
demonelite
I was laughing so much I almost wet myself :P
The_Psychopsilocybin's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 16:58
The_Psychopsilocybin
Man that was funny. Now my stomach hurts.
MasterMS's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/24/2008 17:01
MasterMS
I don't get it the girls only six? Whats wrong with this?
ShinSennju's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/25/2008 00:53
ShinSennju
Some parts of the video kind of remind me of a really old cartoon called symphony in slang
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=invMNZ8IeLI
Fading Star's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/25/2008 07:24
Fading Star
Sweet.
Niero's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/25/2008 07:45
Niero
i was in tears
Mushman's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/26/2008 18:51
Mushman
wow, brilliant, the music pushed it into comedy gold territory, I really hope that kid makes many,many more, fan fiction in the same vein as this one. His/her material
is fuckin phenomenal, downloaded and saved to HDD for many,many lulz
Baron Calico's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/27/2008 01:57
Baron Calico
Oh god that was funny There... there just aren't words. I had to stop it several times because I couldn't even SEE the stupid thing I was laughing so hard.
MrPeenie's Avatar - Comment posted on 02/19/2008 07:21
MrPeenie
hillarious.
Chibito's Avatar - Comment posted on 09/29/2008 03:23
Chibito
I don't want to laugh at this kid but he's making it really hard not to.

"I can't give you my licence."

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A HEADCRAB!"
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