Note: iOS 9 + Facebook users w/ trouble scrolling: #super sorry# we hope to fix it asap. In the meantime Chrome Mobile is a reach around
hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts

Hands-on: Getting Nail'd never hurt so good

12:00 PM on 08.12.2010 // Tara Long

[Publisher's note: Meet our new previews editor, Tara Long. On her first day at the job, she already filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against Destructoid. Please join us in giving her an inappropriate welcome. -Niero]

Ever since I was old enough to play Cruis’n USA in the waiting room of my dentist’s office, I have fond memories of crashing my Chevy Camaro though a line of school buses and watching it erupt into flames in front of a beautiful Arizona sunset. Yep, 1996 and I had some good times together. And yet, it may surprise you to learn that I’ve never been a huge fan of racing games. Maybe it’s the lack of a Y chromosome, but lurking somewhere deep within my genetics is a natural propensity to suck at driving. It’s science. And up until a week ago, I’d made peace with this fact.

Then I got my hands on Deep Silver’s newest arcade-style racer, Nail’d. Genetics be damned, this lives up to all the hype and more. It’s a visually stunning, fast-paced game whose charm lies in the complete and utter lack of sense it makes. In a sentence, it makes physics its bitch. And if you’re anywhere near as ADD as I am, you’re in luck, because constant stimulation is the name of the game with this one. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you after Nail’d bends you over and sensory overloads all over your face.

Nail’d (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PC) 
Developer: Techland 
Publisher: Deep Silver 
To be released: October 5, 2010

Still not getting it? No problem, let’s put on our brainstorming underwear and suspend reality for a moment. You’re flying through the Andes Mountains at 140 miles an hour, snow-covered trees racing past either side of you in a blur. A thousand feet ahead lies a ramp, immediately behind which is a 2000-foot drop-off. Two seconds later, your wheels leave the platform and you’re suspended in thin air, free-falling over a giant lake half a mile below. The front wheels of your ATV just barely graze the edge of the cliff as you escape certain death by mere fractions of a second. You stabilize yourself and get back on the road just in time to slide past the finish line, as flocks of women approach you offering congratulatory blowjobs on your crushing victory. I may have made that last part up, but you get my point. To put it bluntly, this game takes the word 'extreme' to the XTREME.

A handful of exciting features have been added since the last time we previewed Nail'd. Single-player mode offers your typical Tournament and Quick Event style races, as well as a nifty new Time Attack mode which helps you gradually improve your time by racing against the ghost of a developer or even yourself. Multiplayer mode allows you to play against your friends locally or online with up to 12 players, and scores are tallied on both a universal and state-wide scale, in case you’ve ever wondered how you stack up against other drivers in Vermont or wherever the hell you’re from. The scoreboard even keeps track of your total time spent in the air.

The only obvious omission is the lack of character customization features, which the developers promise will be added before the release date. Apart from that, Techland’s Chrome4 engine did a great job of creating surprisingly realistic terrain with 16 tracks to choose from, spread out among four different locales: Arizona, The Andes, Yosemite National Park, and Greece. All 16 tracks are available from the get-go so you don’t have to unlock them and Techland does plan to release DLC tracks in the future. The incentive to keep your score up lies in unlocking new customization features for your bike, allowing you to one-up your opponents with something other than sheer force of will.

Players also have the option of choosing between custom bikes or ATVS, the latter of which provides a marginal increase in control at the expense of a slightly slower speed. It looks intimidating at first, but is surprisingly easy to grasp once you throw yourself into the game. And because logic doesn’t exist in this world, speed is the number one priority for players. Your success in this game hinges not on points, but on your ability to harness the power of the turbo boost, which replenishes itself when players complete various obstacles like popping wheelies or flying through rings of fire.

The game even has something called Boost Madness mode, wherein each player has an infinite supply of “boost juice,” as I call it. Add on top of that a bitchin' soundtrack and you've got a solid game in the works. Perhaps the most appealing quality, however, which Jim Sterling also favored in his hands-on time at E3, is the surprising amount of control you have over your vehicle, even while flying through the air. Steering in this game appears to be far less sensitive than that in similar style racers, allowing you to focus on something other than not bursting into flames every time you round a corner.

In short, make sure you’ve got a pile of diapers handy, because Nail’d is set to release on October 5 and it’s safe to say you’ll shit bricks. If you’re already a fan of racing games, I suspect you’ll have even more to be pumped about with this one. Its lightning-fast speed and non-stop, in-your-face action differentiate it from any other racer on the market right now and ensure there’s never a boring second, making it a great game for even the classiest of parties. And word to the wise, don’t be surprised if your hands are a little sore after a few rounds. It’s all part of the Nail’d experience.

(That’s what she said.)

Photo Gallery: (7 images)
Click to zoom - browse by swipe, or use arrow keys



Tara Long, Queen of Video Things
 Follow Blog + disclosure Tips
I like bunnies. more   |   staff directory



 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our community fisters, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding *.disqus.com to your whitelists.

 Quickposts
Status updates from C-bloggers

Atleastimhousebroken avatarAtleastimhousebroken
Weird brutal death metal song about Majora's Mask (Reminds me of Gorguts)! My life is complete! Lyrics in comments. https://profoundlorerecords.bandcamp.com/track/tales-of-the-majora-mythos-part-1
Dreamweaver avatarDreamweaver
I SWEAR the Goddess is trolling me. I HATE having dreams where everything's finally okay with my life, only to wake up and realize it's all been a delusional lie. I'm starting to think this is a sign that maybe I should just keep sleeping forever... T^T
jak2364 avatarjak2364
It's taking every ounce of power within me to act like a responsible adult and save for this instead of using a credit card to get it now. http://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00VRCLHYS/ Everyone, tell me bad things about it.
gajknight avatargajknight
My cat touched my dick.
ScionVyse avatarScionVyse
Oh boy, extra damage weren't Ike's only buffs this patch. They also made his n-air combo better, made his Fsmash better (sourspot damage and angle buffs) and increased the range of his f-air. Ike may be tied with Sheik for best f-air in the game now. :D
Voodoome avatarVoodoome
What's your guys thoughts on repros? I ran into these a couple years ago at a con and I just couldn't resist. I know there are some repro makers out there that reproduce official US releases, and that's wrong, but if a game was never released here?
Niwannabe avatarNiwannabe
There's people who defend WB putting season passes in LEGO games. Real talk for a sec, there is literally no reason a season pass should even exist, let alone in a LEGO game of all things. Preordering DLC is pointless. I'm saltier than I need to be.
Mike Wallace avatarMike Wallace
Remember the Xenogears combat system? That was really fun. They should bring that back.
CoilWhine avatarCoilWhine
I hope Bloodborne goes down to $20 again, very tempted to get it. I've been using my Playstations a lot lately and want to continue doing that
Ckarasu avatarCkarasu
So, one of the artists for SMT4, Yasushi Nirasawa, passed away very recently. Quite the shame, as his work was interesting.
Gameroo avatarGameroo
Drive Any Track is wild, wild fun. Surprised I only came across it because of the steam sale, I thought I'd have at least heard something about it earlier. Can't wait to see how it progresses!
Heat avatarHeat
Quick thoughts about my first hours of XCOM 2: The new Sectoid is a bastard, Shen's daughter looks like she escape from Life is Strange, Tygan has a really cool necktie (i love neckties) and officer Bradford need a drink... a strong one. And a a hug.
Browarr avatarBrowarr
Quality music over there: http://jetsetradio.live/
Titannel avatarTitannel
In between work and, uh, work, I've been buying PS Vita games. Not playing them. Buying them. There are a whole lotta obscure games on the Vita. And a lot of them involve either dating anime boys or underage girls doing decidedly non-underage-girl things.
Browarr avatarBrowarr
JET SET RADIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
TheKodu avatarTheKodu
Still better than Aliens Colonial Marines.
BaronVonSnakPak avatarBaronVonSnakPak
The good news: XCOM 2 is installed on my pc. The bad news: It runs about as well as a fat kid on ice.
Fuzunga avatarFuzunga
Get your Devil's Third, here! Hot, fresh Devil's third! [url]http://www.gamestop.com/wii-u/games/devils-third/118963[/url]
EAPidgeon avatarEAPidgeon
Glad I can support the site again with HUGE since my life is mostly back in order. Curious though if anyone knows what happened to the Merch Shop for the site.
TheBlondeBass avatarTheBlondeBass
Give me an open-world game and I'll find a way to mistreat children and the elderly.
more quickposts


Contest!


Seriously

Invert site colors

  Dark Theme
  Light Theme


Destructoid means family.
Living the dream, since 2006

Pssst. konami code + enter

modernmethod logo



Back to Top


We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -