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Halo for your wang. No, seriously.
12:57 PM on 09.18.2007, Colette Bennett 58 comments

Halo for your wang. No, seriously. photo
     Achievements

Already preordered your copy of Halo 3? Decorated your fridge with fan art of Master Chief? Bought a tent to camp out in while you wait in line for Best Buy to open, which you have decorated with puff paint versions of the Halo logo? Go no further. This product was made for you, my friend.

The Halo 3 condom comes in a discreet orange packaging and encourages you to "Finish the f*ck". Can you imagine telling your friends that you banged a chick wearing a Halo condom? Would they be orange, or a nice army green to keep your sausage well disguised while dashing through the jungle? Sadly we'll never know, because the item isn't a real manufactured product, but a total internet matlock on those of us willing to buy any piece of merchandise with a Halo logo. I'd laugh, but then I'd have to justify my Final Fantasy collection.

[Thanks Mabec!] 


Next page: More Internet Matlocks stories




bhive01's Avatar
bhive01 at 09/18/2007 13:02
Finish the Fuck. Unload your flood.
Kotua's Avatar
Kotua at 09/18/2007 13:03
Funny the article below this one is about Mass effect.
Holzmiento's Avatar
Holzmiento at 09/18/2007 13:04
Game Fuel is an aphrodisiac.
AgentMOO's Avatar
AgentMOO at 09/18/2007 13:04
Protect your ovaries from the flood!
wtfblakegtfo's Avatar
wtfblakegtfo at 09/18/2007 13:07
lmaoz, but seriously fuck halo
Garbz's Avatar
Garbz at 09/18/2007 13:12
lol

awesome.
mackisawesome's Avatar
mackisawesome at 09/18/2007 13:13
there are soo many things rong with that...
BahamutZero's Avatar
BahamutZero at 09/18/2007 13:15
wouldn't that just be a cock ring?
BahamutZero's Avatar
BahamutZero at 09/18/2007 13:18
I can picture the scene now: Alpha Sigma Epsilon basement, initiation occurs stage left. lights are dim, we can make out three figures in the murky darkness, as their words float over to the audience

"Just put it on, ok"

"Dude, it's dark, I can't see anything. Are you sure it's ok?"

"FUCK YEAH dude, it's fucking halo. That makes it totally not gay."
Catalyst's Avatar
Catalyst at 09/18/2007 13:21
If you refer to your penis as the "Spartan Laser" like I do, then this thing just kicks it up a notch.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 09/18/2007 13:26
Regenerating spermicide. Double-bag for Overshield. Active Camo for avoiding spooning. Comes in 3 sizes: Grunt, Elite and Brute.
wardrox's Avatar
wardrox at 09/18/2007 13:30
Are there only seven?
BigPopaGamer's Avatar
BigPopaGamer at 09/18/2007 13:31
Collete I love you.

Also, I love it when they call me Master Chief. Oh yeah. Bowychickabowwow.
unstoppablejuggernaut's Avatar
unstoppablejuggernaut at 09/18/2007 13:32
Man i wish i was more clever and had something funny to say about this but i dont.

The only thing i can think of is "sticky grenade" and
thats more of a fragment of a thought without the punch line.

anyone, please feel free to run with that one and make something good with it ...
Knives's Avatar
Knives at 09/18/2007 13:35
For a second i thought it was real.
SlavedHeart's Avatar
SlavedHeart at 09/18/2007 13:36
Ya know, I'm disappointed... I came in this thread looking for immature humor better than this...

Heavenly Sword is an easy one... how about mario rubbers? Keep you from getting the koopa's... or how about HalfLife Condoms, to protect your crowbar?

This is the level of immaturity I had hoped to find... not all this... discussion... pew
asterick's Avatar
asterick at 09/18/2007 13:37
*repressing horrible image of master chief*
flanflan's Avatar
flanflan at 09/18/2007 13:38
That is awesome!
entrager's Avatar
entrager at 09/18/2007 13:40
It holds back the "Pew pew pew."

Wait... I'm not done yet...

I thought Halo was all about shooting your gun without restraint!
blehman's Avatar
blehman at 09/18/2007 13:41
@bahamaut: lol

When your master goes beyond bation, choose the chief.

meh, that's all I got.
Snaileb 's Avatar
Snaileb at 09/18/2007 13:43
NOOOO!!

You forgot to call them Spartans instead of Trojans!

:(
Namelessted's Avatar
Namelessted at 09/18/2007 13:44
Who needs Trojan condoms when you can use Spartan condoms. fuck yeah
SlavedHeart's Avatar
SlavedHeart at 09/18/2007 13:47
Used... tie the end off...

Didn't you always wonder WHAT was inside a thermonuclear detonator?

Now you know...
Fuzzy's Avatar
Fuzzy at 09/18/2007 13:48
Usually I end up finishing the fight way too fast. Then come the softly falling tears.
atheistium's Avatar
atheistium at 09/18/2007 13:50
they nearly made some serious cash but failed because it wasnt real :(
Puppetpallmich's Avatar
Puppetpallmich at 09/18/2007 13:51
i hope they come in master chief size
Kryptinite's Avatar
Kryptinite at 09/18/2007 13:53
wonder do they have the magnum. Or even the spartan laser size.
KyleGamgee's Avatar
KyleGamgee at 09/18/2007 13:54
Srsly, I would have bought some.
mooboy's Avatar
mooboy at 09/18/2007 13:58
Why would i need a condom, my personal shield will protect me.
Holiday's Avatar
Holiday at 09/18/2007 14:02
I'm wondering if this is not some attempt to keep nerdy gamers from procreating. It's a conspiracy!!!
shadowcast's Avatar
shadowcast at 09/18/2007 14:13
Jeebus I thought that was real for a second there... wouldn't surprise me if it was either.
Mabec's Avatar
Mabec at 09/18/2007 14:13
[url=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0234704/quotes
]Whoooo wanna some Wang[/url]
Cheeburga's Avatar
Cheeburga at 09/18/2007 14:13
I want like, 100.
Mabec's Avatar
Mabec at 09/18/2007 14:14
dammit, noob-bbcode
bottled dark's Avatar
bottled dark at 09/18/2007 14:21
does it come with genocide causing pleasure rings?
JesusXP's Avatar
JesusXP at 09/18/2007 14:24
Like 90% of Halo fans will ever need to use one!

"Finish the Fuck" - yeah, too quickly I bet
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 09/18/2007 14:47
I'm sure Jack Thompson has something to say about this.
iRaf 's Avatar
iRaf at 09/18/2007 14:54
hah.
sushi111's Avatar
sushi111 at 09/18/2007 14:56
I guess now I dont need to hold down the X button to release my euipment!

*drum roll*
Steel Frog's Avatar
Steel Frog at 09/18/2007 15:11
Damn, I had my credit card ready for a Costco-sized order.
Husky Hog's Avatar
Husky Hog at 09/18/2007 15:36
Oh fuckin nice!
RskimB's Avatar
RskimB at 09/18/2007 15:56
everyone knows frat boys dont wear condoms
DGX Goggles's Avatar
DGX Goggles at 09/18/2007 16:19
Real Spartans finish with their shields down. Now where's the brute hammer size one? I would drop some money down for that.
brainderailment's Avatar
brainderailment at 09/18/2007 16:30
@BahamatZero, best coment evar.

@RskimB: You are correct, frat boys don't have time to put one on when the are busy whippin' up a batch of rufees.
foxhound009's Avatar
foxhound009 at 09/18/2007 17:17
no way.
dyslixec's Avatar
dyslixec at 09/18/2007 17:45
now if this worked like master chiefs suit and you could flip warthogs with your dick...this would be amazing! hahaha. woww.
Evil Cheese's Avatar
Evil Cheese at 09/18/2007 17:58
Maybe it's for the fanboys to wear when they camp out so they don't get their pants sticky once they get a hold of a copy. Jeebus knows nobody is getting laid after whipping one of those things out.
BADInc's Avatar
BADInc at 09/18/2007 18:12
a halo for your cock
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