I'll admit to not being the world's biggest Halo fan, so it took me by surprise to find out that Microsoft had changed Halo 4's name since I last saw it at E3, deciding instead to call it Halo 4: King of the Hill Powered by Mountain Dew.
The sudden change from Xbox 360 exclusive to iOS also shocked me. Currently available -- for free no less -- from the New Zealand App Store, this game is sure to quench your thirst for action, and fuel your desire for fun!
Halo 4: King of the Hill Powered by Mountain Dew (iOS)
The game is as mysterious as its name. Why is a satiating carbonated beverage being used to provide power to a hill of all things? Why does a mass of land need fueling of any kind? Is it on wheels? Is it mechanical? And who would claim regal dominion over such a contoured mockery of geography? We may never know. All we know is that Mountain Dew provides the flavor you're craving, and the energy needed to get you in the game -- the HALO game, that is!
Halo 4: King of the Hill Fueled by Mountain Dew (so tasty) is a visceral shooting experience of epic and visceral proportions. You shoot at a Sparkan with your gun's bullets for a bit, really living the life of Mister Chives. In order to resupply your supplies in the game, you have to resupply your supplies in real life, by going out and stocking up on delicious bottles of Mountain Dew and bags of hearty Doritos-brand corn chips (found in your local 7-Eleven). By scanning the barcodes of these reasonably-priced items, you can transport (as if by magic) new bullets to your gun so you can keep shooting Sparkans.
If you become king of the mysterious, Dew-powered Hill, you can win some fantastic Halo 4 prizes! We all like prizes. I'm going to Tweet for some as soon as I've finished writing this. Answer your thirst for victory, and stuff it down the throat of doubt. Sodamn good!
At this point I'd like to remind you of the refreshing taste of Doritos. Using a unique blend of corn, chemicals, and even ingredients, the Frito-lay family strikes gold with every bold new flavor it produces. From Cheese to Flavors Other Than Cheese, you can count on Doritos to be the arbiter (like in Halo) of your party snack choices.
Combined with Mountain Dew, you have the perfect covenant (Halo again) of satisfying crunch and quenching refreshment. I don't know about those bad guys called The Flood, but I'd certainly love it if my house was flooded with Mountain Dew. Until it attracted ants.
While you're reading, may I also remind you about Halo 4's other fantastic partners? Pizza Hut is wanting a slice of the action, and don't let V Energy sugarcoat any of the hardcore combat you'll be facing when Halo 4 is all up in your business. Speaking of business, Microsoft runs a terrific one, wouldn't you agree? I give its glorious enterprise a Windows 8 out of 10!
Halo 4: King of the Hill Fueled by Mountain Dew is a game-changer for the industry, and something I can see myself playing 24/7-Eleven. What, exactly, are you waiting for? Dewnload it today, and don't say we at Destructoid, or our new partners Frito-lay, never Doritold you about this explosive new title!
[Note: Mountain Dew cannot be used as a fuel of any kind. Destructoid cannot be held responsible for damaged cars, burnt sockets, or damp barbecue grills. Furthermore, the surgeon general warns that Doritos can cause health problems, including but not limited to: heart disease, diabeetus, liver failure, lung growth, St. Shriven's Fever, gout, Gutsman's Ass, fatness, bias, foreclosure of the kidneys, and aching anus.
Sponsored by Netscape Nagivator.]
|6:00 PM on 05.06.2013|
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