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Haitian President Aristide criticizes Bad Dudes for not coming to his rescue

Apr 01 // Papa Niero
   @destructoid

SOUTH AFRICA: Former Haitian President Aristide spoke in front of a rally of dozens today, criticizing the US government for not dispatching Bad Dudes to come to his rescue in his hour of need.  "I mean really -- how long is the waiting list? My people are willing to arrange hamburgers like any American president." The democratically elected leader was forced out of power years ago due to with "some political stuff", said Foxtoid social studies 7th grader and CEO.

Senator Colon Powder from the Ministry of D-FENS addressed a live studio audience today issuing this canned response, upsetting homeless children nearby:

The president was actually kidnapped by us, but we don't remember where we put him. Once Homeland Security bombs a nearby nation we will drop the brothers off by chopper on top of a heavily armed freight train headed in the opposite direction as usual.

"I'm right here, bitches!", said the elected leader whose whereabouts are a mystery. The former dictator threatened to crush their heads with his fingers if immediate action was not taken.  He added: "There is simply no excuse.  I want to hear tokens go into the machine and 2p buttons pressed." 

Data East made various terrible games following Bad Dudes and thus was not available for comment.


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