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Home Grand Theft Auto updates

GTA IV turns you into a pedophile

9:55 AM on 06.16.2008, Jim Sterling 68 comments

GTA IV turns you into a pedophile photo
     Grand Theft Auto

Another day, another British tabloid finding something in a videogame that has outraged the "great" UK public. This one is an absolute classic, too. In GTA IV, there is a spoof Web site called littlelacysurprisepageant.com, which can be accessed on Liberty City's Internet service. The site is "closed down" by the LCPD, and if you access it, you instantly achieve a five-star wanted level. The Sun has, naturally, found some people that are hilariously over-reacting.

"I was looking on the Internet for cheats and the name of this caught my eye as my daughter is called Lacey," bellowed Jason Deschoolmeester, while steam possibly shot out from his ears. "This crosses the line. The makers have obviously sat around and discussed putting this in, and it’s not on. What will they do next?"

"It’s disgusting. It could lead people to indulge in things like that. It is totally sick. I won’t play it again."

Please read the bolded part. A spoof Web site that contains no pornographic content (the in-game police shut it down) and instantly lands you in trouble could actually TURN YOU INTO A PEDOPHILE, according to this man! I had no idea that parodies could pervert one's entire sexuality, but it looks like I can never play Grand Theft Auto again, lest children everywhere face the wrath of my almighty donking vadgehammer.

So, how many children have you all raped since playing GTA IV?  

[Thanks, Prof. Pew]


Next page: More Save The Chilluns stories




Professor Pew's Avatar
Professor Pew at 06/16/2008 10:03
It's true, GTA4 made me fap to all the father's day pictures in the cblogs this weekend.
Anus Mcphanus's Avatar
Anus Mcphanus at 06/16/2008 10:08
I discovered raping kids before GTA 4 so I can't say the game is responsible for my actions although I do find myself doing it more after finishing GTA 4....weird
njsykora's Avatar
njsykora at 06/16/2008 10:12
Irritated, but not surprised. This is what we have come to expect from the Murdoch media.
Takeshi's Avatar
Takeshi at 06/16/2008 10:12
Jason Deschoolmeester, you're a dick. And a pedophile probably because his last name means 'The School Teacher' in Dutch.
bloodylip's Avatar
bloodylip at 06/16/2008 10:12
Do you want our children rapings for today or total? I think I'm up to 3 this morning, and it's not even lunch time yet!
zombiekiller13's Avatar
zombiekiller13 at 06/16/2008 10:15
Wait, wait...is this true? The guy is saying that the fake, in-game blocked site promotes pedophelia because his daughter's name is 'Lacey' and the site is littleLACYsurprisepageant.com?

WTF?

Maybe he shouldn't have named his daughter after something that could describe lingerie...because my guess is that Rockstar was thinking of that and not some little girl named Lacey...probably. 99% sure.
Schmo0zle's Avatar
Schmo0zle at 06/16/2008 10:15
I've tried and tried to kick my 5 child-molestations and 2 school=yard-photo-sessions that GTA IV has put me under, but I just can't do it.

Do they make a patch for this?

Fuckin' A, man...I didn't even know that website existed...The most it'd make me do when seeing it is laugh and then curse Rockstar for giving me a wanted level.

Some people are so stupid it isn't even funny.
Neonie's Avatar
Neonie at 06/16/2008 10:17
I typed in "pedophile" in the Dtoid search for lulz, I got a lot more results then I expected xD

anyway I've never played GTA but I have seen the video of this happening and ya this dudes off his freakin rocker.
Tubatic's Avatar
Tubatic at 06/16/2008 10:18
@bloodylip

You think? how is there ambiguity there . . .

leaving it at that.
wardrox's Avatar
wardrox at 06/16/2008 10:18
You linked to the sun. I hope you feel shame.
Trev's Avatar
Trev at 06/16/2008 10:21
There was that one time in Japan, but I don't think that counts. It's like saying 'hello' over there.
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 06/16/2008 10:21
Who names their daughter "Lacey" anyway?

Besides, I would think that this little incident is a public service announcement, as it demonstrates exactly what will happen to you if you try that kind of thing this day and age.
Rucksack's Avatar
Rucksack at 06/16/2008 10:26
Loud fools are still fools.
BulletTrain's Avatar
BulletTrain at 06/16/2008 10:32
The sheer level of stupidity of the average person is astounding.
Mista Smegheneghan's Avatar
Mista Smegheneghan at 06/16/2008 10:33
who the hell's called Jason Deschoolmeester?! the very idea of someone going on about a fake website that has no content and gets you in instant trouble is stupid, but then saying it "could" turn you to paedophelia is just f***ing stupid! only one thing worse, and that's the fact he went out of his way to find said website so he could bitch about it
big filth's Avatar
big filth at 06/16/2008 10:34
so dumb it should be ignored.
F Whipple's Avatar
F Whipple at 06/16/2008 10:36
Haha...stupid people are stupid
dronkmunk's Avatar
dronkmunk at 06/16/2008 10:44
Well, atleast they already took this fools money
Alexradl's Avatar
Alexradl at 06/16/2008 10:54
Phew, I was starting to worry that I wouldn't have an excuse for court on Wednesday. "Littlelacysurprisepagent made me do it!"
Reallynotnick's Avatar
Reallynotnick at 06/16/2008 10:57
Is it wrong that I keep loading that page hoping it will be reopened soon? lol, JK

The world is stupid, but this is a nice way to get 5 stars.
nicojay's Avatar
nicojay at 06/16/2008 11:07
Why doesn't the Sun have disclaimers under the majority of their stories stating "We get away with printing this garbage because you the reader really are that stupid". Newspapers relate to us any number of screwed up things that go on in the world, by the same logic as this story. It could lead people to indulge in things like that
nevelator's Avatar
nevelator at 06/16/2008 11:34
@nicojay
Very true. Pure sensational garbage.
vuffi_raa's Avatar
vuffi_raa at 06/16/2008 11:36
I don't get it- if you look at a supposed kiddie porn site in the game and here is nothing to see, but you get slaughtered by the cops promotes kiddie porn? so then I guess by that logic if you play GTA at all you should become a kinder and more calm person right? because killing people and commiting crime w/o consequences makes you not want to do it.....you can't have it both ways
Yuphrum's Avatar
Yuphrum at 06/16/2008 11:46
I'm sorry but how exactly does this qualify for an article?
Oh yeah, because the sun is an overated piece of toilet paper!!!
CALkulon's Avatar
CALkulon at 06/16/2008 11:48
Well, after playing GTAIV for the first time I did feel an incessant need to go and touch children straight away.

NO. FAIL.

When will these people (read: brain dead morons) finally get the fucking message? Bloody hell.
king3vbo's Avatar
king3vbo at 06/16/2008 11:59
Hahaha thats fucking funny
SparkPlug's Avatar
SparkPlug at 06/16/2008 12:02
ummm...14 and a half. I say half because one was a midget.
cchance's Avatar
cchance at 06/16/2008 12:16
well most of the world is stupid.. i mean atleast 50+% voted to give Bush a second term because his first was such a success... just shows you how smart people are
ace of knaves's Avatar
ace of knaves at 06/16/2008 12:17
The best part is that there aren't actually any children in GTAIV whatsoever.

This is just like the outcry over the game's drunk driving, in that people are saying the game promotes behavior that the game itself punishes.
Technophile's Avatar
Technophile at 06/16/2008 12:18
On a related note - almighty donking vadgehammer is my new favorite phrase.
CALkulon's Avatar
CALkulon at 06/16/2008 12:27
@Technophile:

Forgot to mention that, totally agree. Good work Mr Sterling! Not sure the gf will be too chuffed if I say that in her immediate vicinity, though.
Clockwork's Avatar
Clockwork at 06/16/2008 12:39
Seeing nothing but a page that says "The police are on their way" or whatever leads to becoming a pedophile.

OKAY?!
Spartacus's Avatar
Spartacus at 06/16/2008 12:45
I heard playing Metal Gear Solid 4 can and will turn everyone who plays it into an old man with guns who is probably also a pedophile with racism appalling Britain video games journalism.
Crumpet Lips's Avatar
Crumpet Lips at 06/16/2008 13:56
It's in the newspaper. It must be true.
moot button's Avatar
moot button at 06/16/2008 15:20
I call shenanigans! If you're a pedo after looking at it, you were a pedo before. Its not like some fake website in a game wakes up your latent desire to rape children.
Syn's Avatar
Syn at 06/16/2008 15:38
So...if I play Breath of Fire does that mean that I'll go out and try to bang a lizard in hopes of making my child a real life version of Ryu? That would be cool.

I didn't even know about this site thing but since looking at it my child rapes per week has actually gone DOWN...or maybe I'm just bored because they don't have any boobies for me to play with.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar
Samit Sarkar at 06/16/2008 15:46
@Technophile, CALkulon: Thirded.
Murumasa123's Avatar
Murumasa123 at 06/16/2008 17:07
Iv certainly never sexually assualt any children AFTER GTA 4. Been to busy playing it...
hood_954's Avatar
hood_954 at 06/16/2008 18:51
lol i remember coming across this site in game. i found it hilarious. until the feds burst in and shot up the place and killed me.
stevesan's Avatar
stevesan at 06/16/2008 19:40
STOP THE PRESSES. Holy shit if this could turn people into pedophiles, god knows what "To Catch a Predator" could do!?!?!
Reallynotnick's Avatar
Reallynotnick at 06/16/2008 22:37
That's a good point, not ONE person in GTA is a child!
SunTzu's Avatar
SunTzu at 06/16/2008 22:38
Four.
DanMazkin's Avatar
DanMazkin at 06/16/2008 22:47

Maybe if we just ignore them, they'll all go away.
Timmeh's Avatar
Timmeh at 06/17/2008 02:10
I rape three children a day. One before each meal as part of a balanced diet, it's the only way to stay fit - man those fuckers can run.
PetiePal's Avatar
PetiePal at 06/17/2008 19:35
That was one of the best ads from GTA VCS.
Pentatonic Boy's Avatar
Pentatonic Boy at 06/18/2008 03:31
The patriots!?
Throbbing Mob's Avatar
Throbbing Mob at 06/18/2008 04:33
Well, no rapes yet....but I have started shooting cops and mysteriously getting away with it after running 5 city blocks....coincidence?
Trevsweb's Avatar
Trevsweb at 06/18/2008 09:54
day 55 no rapes yet
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