Look I drink...
and this results in a lot of apologies. Be it to a Catholic Bishop, AOL, or the shopping cart I "allegedly" molested at Wal-Mart. But, I have never ever apologized with a bag of marijuana cigarettes. Beware. The story below cannot be unread. It is also not safe for children as it talks about the "Wii" and a new street drug called "Weed."
As I woke today and begin sorting through emails, I stumbled across a title that I just could not believe. " Man offers marijuana as apology for stealing a Wii video game." I jumped up knocking over my glass of Dom Perignon (not Don P as rappers think) spilling it on my bevy of naked supermodels, which then scared my pet tiger, and made my monocle pop out. I yelled, "Great Scott! I better Internet Matlock this case." Then I remembered that I live in a van down by the river because I yell things like "Great Scott" out when I read.
In a town named Calera (Oklahoma?) an 18 year old man stole a Wii video game. Big news I know, but it gets bigger. You see, the suspect, whom we will call Little Johnny Hempdemon, felt bad about his crime. He came back to the store after what could have been the greatest heist in the history of Calera and he returned the game and even offered up a fat sack of the smokey smoke for the trouble. Hold on there paint job, this story isn't over yet....
Read more of little Johnny Hempdemon and his adventures into stupidity after the jump.
It seems that after having a night to ponder about all of the riches that he lost out on, our little Johnny Hempdemon decided that once was not enough. He then went back to the store that he had just robbed, unrobbed, and then offered drugs to for an apology, so that he could re-steal the Wii game. I know this doesn't really make sense, but somehow its true. It gets even more insane as it is believed by the witness that our suspect little Mr. Hempdemon went on to sell the Wii game to buy more drugs. I am so confused even writing this. According to the Herald Democrat:
The man was booked on charges of possession of marijuana and delivery of a controlled deadly substance (marijuana).
Deadly substance? How is it that I have never heard of this crazy new street drug? Why wasn't Johnny Hempdemon charged with Burglary? Can you be charged with stupid? The jigg isn't up yet for poor Johnny Hempdemon as:
Police obtained a warrant to check his house for more drugs. In the home, reports state, police found a box of folded plastic bags like the one police had from the arrest, and a set of digital scales containing a green leafy substance that field tested positive for marijuana. According to the report, the other people living at the house were not arrested, both denying any knowledge of the narcotics being sold from the home.
Plastic Bags!!!!! OMG they were even folded! Danger, danger, danger!
Are folded plastic bags to blame? Is it this weed drug? Is it possible that his roomates didn't notice the giant cloud of smoke and skunky smell pouring out from Johnny's door? Were anyone's Bro's tazed? Or could it be something more sinister. Was it in fact the Wii at fault. We all remember the black eyes and destroyed property the Wii caused at launch, but is there a secret drug conspiracy around the Wii? Is Reggie Fes, Fez, Phe... that Nintendo dude really a Columbian drug lord? After literally 10's of minutes of research Dtoiders, this is what I found and believe to be the culprit:
Contest:
12:26 AM on 09.24.2007
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I am completely worthless.
hey Ron, do you have the beta keys?
But your summary seems 100% legit.
hahaha. i love the little easter eggs you left in this post :D
*crack* *chug* *ahhh*
Also, dont blame Paris. She made porn. Thats like blaming the bible.
Fixed.
It's like saying sky is blue... everybody knows it
That made me LMAO.
weed?
you cant die from smoking weed.
Why is everyone in my home state so fucking retarded?
'Plastic Bags!!!!! OMG they were even folded! Danger, danger, danger!' LOL!
279 (The number of reported Deaths on 05)
And that's the REPORTED deaths. Most likely much higher since it's an illegal drug and not many people are going to REPORT being killed by it.
Don't worry. People ALWAYS find Jesus in prison. Also, if the crime is just right, some even get to meet him =)
doesn't that mean you have a shit load of extra cash layin around?
what a honest fellow
ALL SHE WANTS IS MORE, MORE Wii'D!
However true this may be, this does not make up for the fact that weed is, in my old age, terribly fucking boring, and smoking a joint will never be as glamorous as snorting a line off a hooker's ass.
Of course, I'm really goddamn high right now, and don't want to be at work.
So I give Halo 3 my highest rating, 1 star.
sources?
neonie killed them. her cute furry exterior is a front. she got stoned in '05 and killed 279 people. Marijuana doesnt kill people, furrys do. if you see her coming, taze her.
oh and that first picture is just awesome. so much funny in one little picture. [:
"AHH... that fucking..."
WTF?